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04 May 2008 @ 08:11 pm
Voyage of the Damned Transcript (1/2)  


The DOCTOR is working a few of the controls when a ship's horn is heard and something crashes into the TARDIS throwing the DOCTOR to the floor. He looks

up to see the bow of an ocean liner has broken through the wall.


DOCTOR:
What?! (coughs) What?! (finds a life preserver that reads "TITANIC") What?!


The DOCTOR gets up, and, using various controls on the console, closes the TARDIS, pushing out the ship. He then materializes it within the TITANIC. He

steps out and looks around, seemingly in a supply closet. He closes the TARDIS door, wipes his hands together and steps out of the room. We see him again

in a wood-panelled room decorated with potted palms and Christmas decorations. People dressed in early 20th century dress mill about as waiters pass hors

d'oeuvres and champagne. The band is playing a sedate version of "Jingle Bells". The DOCTOR approaches two golden angels garbed in white. They move

mechanically and he realizes they're robots. He wanders to the window and looks out.


DOCTOR: (drawn out)
Right.

MAN OVER PA:
Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol 3, also known as Earth. Population: Human,

As the man is speaking, we see a spaceship modelled to look like the Titanic in space above the Earth.

PA:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas.


OPENING CREDITS
David Tennant
Kylie Minogue

DOCTOR WHO
"VOYAGE of the DAMNED"
by Russell T. Davies

PRODUCER
Phil Collinson

DIRECTOR
James Strong


On the bridge, the crew is in period uniform and the equipment is a mix of period and futuristic.

CAPTAIN:
Nice and steady. Good work, Mr Cavill. And maintain position. Now then, gentlemen, according to the traditions of the planet below, Christmas is a time of

celebration. I think you might be entitled to a tot of rum. Just the one. Off you go, (Three crewmembers salute with a "Sir".) I'll keep watch.

CAVILL:
Sir. (salutes and leaves)

The youngest member, Midshipman FRAME, pauses at the door before closing it and facing the CAPTAIN.

CAPTAIN:
And you, what was it?

FRAME:
Midshipman Frame, sir. Only just qualified, sir. First trip out.

CAPTAIN:
Then you can stand down, Midshipman.

FRAME:
Uh, but, uh...regulations say the bridge has to be staffed by two crewmembers at any one time, sir.

CAPTAIN:
Well said. Very good. (FRAME walks to a bank of instruments) It should be nice and quiet. It's only a Level 5 planet down below. They don't even know

we're here. "Silent Night", I believe they call it. A silent night.

-----------------------------------------------------------


(A video of a bald man with a thin moustache sitting behind a desk. This is MAX CAPRICORN)

CAPRICORN:
Max Capricorn Cruiseliners-the fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max. (gold tooth glints)

The screen reverts to the cruise line logo. The DOCTOR, in a dinner jacket, watches as he fiddles with his tie. The band is playing "Winter Wonderland".

The DOCTOR walks towards reception.


STEWARD:
Merry Christmas, sir

DOCTOR:
Merry Christmas.

Once inside the same room from earlier, the DOCTOR mingles. He passes another man, RICKSTON SLADE, talking into a "mobile".

RICKSTON:
It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone. Now do as I say and sell. (walks off)

The DOCTOR approaches a robotic angel.

DOCTOR:
Evening. Passenger 57. Terrible memory. Remind me. Uh, you would be...

HOST:
Information: Heavenly Host supplying tourist information.

DOCTOR:
Good, so, um...tell me-cos I'm an idiot-where are we from?

HOST:
Information: the Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures.

DOCTOR:
Titanic. Um...who...thought of the name?

HOST:
Information: it was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth.

DOCTOR:
Did they tell you why it was famous?

HOST:
Information: all designations are chosen by Mr Max Capricorn, president of Max-Max-Max...(Host keeps repeating the name becoming higher in pitch)

DOCTOR:
Ooh, bit of a glitch. (reaches into his pocket)

CHIEF STEWARD:
(hurries over) Sir, we can handle this. (Waves to others for assistance. Two other stewards arrive and switch off the HOST, taking it away.) Software

problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir. Merry Christmas. (follows after other stewards) That's another one down. What's going on with these things?

----------------------------------------------------------------------


The CHIEF STEWARD has brought the HOST down to what is the Host storage and repair room.

CHIEF STEWARD: (to CHIEF ENGINEER)
That's eight of them now on the blink. One woman, she asked the Host to fix her necklace. It almost broke her neck...in First Class.

CHIEF ENGINEER:
I've been over the robotics. Nothing. It's like somebody's got into them. Some kind of bug. (a forklift comes by with Host parts on it) Whoa, wait,

wait, wait. Over there, Bay 15.

CHIEF STEWARD:
Tell you what. If you can't fix them, throw them overboard.

The CHIEF STEWARD and CHIEF ENGINEER walk off in opposite directions. The HOST moves its head.

----------------------------------------------------------


In Reception, the DOCTOR witnesses a waitress, ASTRID PETH, drop her tray of drinks after bumping into RICKSTON.

RICKSTON:
For Tov's sake, look where you're going! This jacket's a genuine Earth antique.

ASTRID:
I'm sorry, sir. (gets down to pick up broken glass)

RICKSTON:
You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn is going down the drain. (storms off)

DOCTOR:
(coming to help her) Careful. There we go.

ASTRID:
Thank you, sir. I can manage.

DOCTOR:
I never said you couldn't. I'm the Doctor, by the way.

ASTRID:
Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth.

DOCTOR:
Nice to meet you, Astrid Peth. Merry Christmas.

ASTRID: (surprised)
Merry Christmas, sir.

DOCTOR:
Just "Doctor", not "sir".

ASTRID:
You enjoying the cruise?

DOCTOR:
Um...Yeah, I suppose. I don't know. It doesn't quite work, a cruise on your own.

ASTRID:
(standing) You're not with anyone?

DOCTOR:
(standing) No, no. Just me. Just, uh...used to be but, uh... No. What about you? Long way from home, Planet Sto.

ASTRID:
Doesn't feel that different. I spent three years working at the spaceport diner, travelled all the way here...and I'm still waiting on tables. (walks away)

DOCTOR:
(following) No shore leave?

ASTRID:
(clears table by window) We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance. I just wanted to try it, just once. I used to watch the ships heading off to

the stars and I always dreamt of...It sounds daft.

DOCTOR:
You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there're all that life out there?

ASTRID:
So...you travel a lot?

DOCTOR:
All the time. Just for fun. Well, that's the plan. Never quite works.

Must be rich, though.

DOCTOR:
Haven't got a penny. (whispers) Stowaway.

ASTRID:
Kidding.

DOCTOR:
Seriously.

ASTRID:
No!

DOCTOR:
Oh, yeah.

ASTRID:
How did you get on board?

DOCTOR:
Accident. I've got this, sort of, ship thing. I was just rebuilding her. Left the defences down, bumped into the Titanic. Here I am. Bit of a party, I

thought "Why not?"

ASTRID:
I should report you.

DOCTOR:
Go on then.

ASTRID:
I'll get you a drink...(whispers) on the house. (walks away)

ASTRID passes a group of first-class passengers who are laughing and pointing at a heavyset couple, MORVIN and FOON VAN HOFF, dressed in purple country-

western outfits sitting and eating.


MORVIN: (to FOON)
Just ignore 'em

DOCTOR:
(sits at their table) Something's tickled them.

FOON:
They told us it was fancy dress. Very funny, I'm sure.

MORVIN:
They're just pickin' on us because we haven't paid. We won our tickets in a competition.

FOON:
I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in "By the Light of the Asteroid". Did you ever watch...

DOCTOR:
Is that the one with the twins?

FOON:
That's it. Oh, it's marvelous.

MORVIN:
Probably not good enough for that lot. (motions to laughing crowd) They think we should be in steerage.

DOCTOR:
(reaches into pocket) Can't have that, can we?

The DOCTOR holds the sonic screwdriver at his side and aims behind him. The champagne on the table pops its cork, spraying all over those at the

table.


FOON:
Did-Did you do that?

DOCTOR:
Maybe. (puts screwdriver away)

FOON:
We like you.

MORVIN:
We do. (reaches out his hand to the DOCTOR) I'm Morvin van Hoff. (shakes hands) This is my good woman, Foon.

DOCTOR:
(shakes FOON's hand) Foon. Hello, I'm the Doctor.

FOON:
Ooh, I'm gonna need a Doctor by the time I'm finished with this buffet. Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo, so many wings.

The DOCTOR takes a buffalo wing.

PA:
Attention please. Shore leave tickets Red 6-7 now activated. Red 6-7.

FOON:
(takes out ticket) Red 6-7. That's us. (stands) Are you Red 6-7?

DOCTOR:
Might as well be.

MORVIN:
Come on. (puts arm around FOON) We're going to Earth.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


FRAME is examining the panels.

FRAME:
Seems to be power diverted to deck 31, sir. It flared up then it stopped.

CAPTAIN:
Nothing to worry about. She's an old ship, full of aches and pains.

FRAME:
Picking up a meteoroid shower portside, bearing West 56 North 2.

CAPTAIN:
Pretty standard in this part of space. Miles away.

FRAME:
We could probably see it, sir.

FRAME looks through binoculars and sees the meteors with burning tails.

--------------------------------------------------


An older man, MR COPPER, dressed in a tweed suit holds up a red sign bearing "6-7".

COPPER:
Red 6-7. Red 6-7. This way, fast as you can.

The VAN HOFFS rush over, the DOCTOR following. ASTRID approaches.

ASTRID:
I got you that drink.

DOCTOR:
And I got you a treat. Come on. (takes tray from here and sets it on a table)

COPPER:
Red 6-7 departing shortly.

DOCTOR:
(holds up psychic paper) Red 6-7 plus one.

COPPER:
Uh, quickly, sir, and please take two teleport bracelets if you would.

ASTRID: (whispers)
I'll get the sack.

DOCTOR:
(hands her a bracelet) Brand new sky.

COPPER:
To repeat, I am Mr Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London town in the country of U.K. ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now

human beings worshipped the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve the people of U.K. go to war with

the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner...like savages.

DOCTOR:
Excuse me, sorry, sorry, but, um...where did you get all this from?

COPPER:
Well, I have a first class degree in Earthonomics. Now stand by...

BANNAKAFFALATTA: (high pitch)
And me! And me! Red 6-7! (the owner of the voice is a small red-skinned alien with short spikes along his head)

COPPER:
Well, take a bracelet, sir?

DOCTOR:
Uh, but, um, hold on, hold on. What was your name?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Bannakaffalatta.

DOCTOR:
OK, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there. Late-night shopping, tons of people. He's like a walking conker. No offence, but you'll cause a

riot 'cause the streets are going to be packed with shoppers and parties...

-------------------------------

The group is teleported down to Earth and arrive on an empty street.

DOCTOR:
(looks around) Oh.

COPPER:
Now, spending money-I have a credit card in Earth currency if you want to by trinkets or, uh, stockings or the local delicacy, which is known as "beef" but

don't stray too far, it could be dangerous. Any day now they start boxing.

While MR COPPER is talking, the DOCTOR looks around, confused by the empty street. ASTRID is in awe.

DOCTOR:
It should be full. It should be busy. Something's wrong.

ASTRID:
But it's beautiful.

DOCTOR:
Really? Do you think so? It's just a street. The pyramids are beautiful, and New Zealand...

ASTRID:
But it's a different planet. I'm standing on a different planet. Th-there's concrete...and shops, alien shops, real alien shops! Look, no stars in the

sky. And it smells. It stinks! (gasps) This is amazing! Thank you! (hugs the DOCTOR)

DOCTOR:
Yeah? Come on then, let's have a look.

The DOCTOR and ASTRID cross the street to a newsagent's booth. Inside is an older man, WILF, bundled in winter clothes.

DOCTOR:
Hello there! Sorry, uh, obvious question, but where's everybody gone?

WILF:
Oh-ho, scared!

DOCTOR:
Right, yes. Scared of what?

WILF:
Where have you been living? London at Christmas? Not safe, is it?

DOCTOR:
Why?

WILF:
Well, it's them, up above (points skywards). Look, Christmas before last we had that big bloody spaceship, everyone standing on a roof. (points at his small

TV that is showing a clip) And then last year, that Christmas Star electrocuting all over the place, draining the Thames.

ASTRID:
This place is amazing.

WILF:
And this year, Lord knows what. So everybody's scarpered, gone to the country. All except me...and Her Majesty. (stands proudly and looks at TV)

TELEVISION REPORTER:
Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she will be staying in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season to show the people of London, and the world,

that there's nothing to fear.

WILF:
God bless her! (salutes) We stand vigil.

DOCTOR:
Well, between you and me, I think her Majesty's got it right. Far as I know, this year, nothing to worry about.

The DOCTOR and ASTRID are teleported back to the ship leaving WILF standing there, mouth open.

WILF:
(falls into his seat) Then again...

----------------------------------------------------


The group arrives back in Reception on the Titanic.

DOCTOR: (annoyed)
I was in mid-sentence.

COPPER:
Yes, I'm sorry about that. A bit of a problem. If I could have your bracelets--

CHIEF STEWARD:
(joins them) Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta, we seem to have suffered a slight power fluctuation. If you'd like to return to the

festivities. And on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, free drinks will be provided.

The ticket holders depart.

ASTRID:
(to Doctor) That was the best, the best! (leaves)

The DOCTOR approaches the CHIEF STEWARD.

DOCTOR:
What sort of power fluctuation?

-----------------------------------------


FRAME is still watching the meteoroids.

FRAME:
That's a bit odd, sir, the meteoroids are changing course. Still, we can put the shields up to maximum just in case.

CAPTAIN:
As you were, Midshipman.

FRAME looks to see the CAPTAIN pushing buttons on an instrument panel.

FRAME:
Sir? You're magnetizing the hull, sir. It's drawing the meteors in.

COMPUTER:
Port turning Earthside.

FRAME:
I take it that's deliberate.

COMPUTER:
Port turning Earthside.

FRAME:
Bit of a light show for the guests.

CAPTAIN:
Something like that.

-----------------------------------------------------


The VAN HOFFS are eating at their table, the CHIEF STEWARD warily eyes the HOST, RICKSTON is winning at roulette, BANNAKAFFALATTA is dancing and ASTRID

smiles at the DOCTOR while serving drinks. All the while, the band plays. The DOCTOR sees a framed screen showing a video loop of MAX CAPRICORN.


CAPRICORN:
...and I should know because my name is Max.

The DOCTOR puts on his glasses and takes out his screwdriver, which he uses on the frame.

CAPRICORN:
The fastest, the furthest, the best...my name is Max.

The DOCTOR opens the frame and changes some settings until the screen shows the Titanic and her immediate surroundings. He sees the shields are offline.

He peers out the window and sees the meteors approaching.


* * *

On the bridge, the communications whistle sounds.

DOCTOR: (over comms)
Is that the bridge? I need to talk to the captain. You've got a meteoroid storm coming in West 0 by North 2.

CAPTAIN:
Who is this?

* * *

DOCTOR:
Never mind that. Your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You've got meteoroids coming in and now shielding!

* * *

CAPTAIN:
You have no authorization. You will clear the comms at once.

* * *

DOCTOR:
Yeah? Just look starboard!

Two STEWARDS come to escort the DOCTOR out of reception.

CHIEF STEWARD:
Come with me, sir.

--------------------------------------------


FRAME:
But he's right, sir. The shields have been taken offline. (goes to an instrument panel)

CAPTAIN:
Step away from there.

FRAME:
But we have to re-energize them.

CAPTAIN:
I said step away, Midshipman.

FRAME looks up to see the CAPTAIN holding a gun on him.

---------------------------------------------


The DOCTOR is led away through Reception, still arguing.

DOCTOR:
You've got a rock storm heading for this ship and the shields are down!

---------------------------------------------


In space we see the meteoroids heading towards the ship.

----------------------------------------------


CAPTAIN:
They promised me old men.

FRAME:
I'm sorry, sir?

CAPTAIN:
On the crew. Sea dogs, men who'd had their time. Not boys.

---------------------------------------------


In Reception, the DOCTOR breaks from the STEWARDS and runs to the stage where the band is playing.

DOCTOR:
Everyone, listen to me! This is an emergency! Get to the lifeb-

A HOST covers the DOCTOR'S mouth and pulls him away. ASTRID, the VAN HOFFS and BANNAKAFFALATTA look on in surprise.

-------------------------------------------

FRAME:
I'm sorry, sir. It's my duty!

FRAME reaches for the panel and the CAPTAIN fires.

---------------------------------------------


The DOCTOR is taken out of the room more forcibly this time. He passes a small gathering, one of which is RICKSTON.

DOCTOR:
Look out the windows!

ASTRID, RICKSTON and the VAN HOFFS slowly go to the windows. BANNAKAFFALATTA excuses himself from a conversation.

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Him, friend.

RICKSTON looks out a window and sees the meteoroids. The STEWARDS are dragging the DOCTOR out.

DOCTOR:
If you don't believe me, check the shields yourself!

ASTRID:
Sir, I can vouch for him!

MORVIN:
Look, Steward, he's just had a bit too much to drink.

COPPER:
Sir, something seems to have gone wrong. All the teleports are down.

CHIEF STEWARD:
Not now!

A small piece of rock breaks through a window and lands at RICKSTON"S feet.

COMPUTER:
Oxygen membrane holding. Oxygen membrane holding.

RICKSTON turns to HOST.

RICKSTON:
You there. Has anyone checked the external shielding?

HOST:
Information: you are all going to die.

---------------------------------------------

The CAPTAIN stands at the wheel. FRAME lies on the floor, still alive but bleeding from a wound in his side. Sonar shows the meteoroids getting

closer.


---------------------------------------------

RICKSTON:
(to a steward) Where's the Chief Steward?

STEWARD:
(points) That way, sir.

RICKSTON rushes off.

-------------------------------------------


The CHIEF STEWARD is taking the DOCTOR through maintenance corridors. ASTRID, MR COPPER, BANNAKAFFALATTA and the VAN HOFFS follow them.

DOCTOR:
The shields are down, we are going to get hit.

Everyone begins talking at once

--------------------------------------------

FRAME:
You're going to kill us.

CAPTAIN:
I'm dying already. Six months. And they offered me so much money...for my family.

-----------------------------------------------

RICKSTON catches up to the others.

RICKSTON:
Oi! Steward! I'm telling you the shields are down!

DOCTOR:
Listen to him! Listen to him!

-------------------------------------------

We see CAPRICORN'S video intercut with a couple watching from a window and the bridge

CAPRICORN:
Max Capricorn.

* * *

WOMAN:
(looks out window) Darling, come and have a look at this.

* * *

CAPRICORN:
Fastest...

* * *

The CAPTAIN is at the wheel.

COMPUTER:
Red Alert. Red Alert.

* * *

MAN:
Cheers.

* * *

Three meteoroids head straight for the ship

* * *

CAPRICORN:
The furthest....

* * *

FRAME is lying on the floor, whimpering.

* * *

CAPRICORN:
The best.

------------------------------------------------------


The meteoroids strike the side of the ship and everyone throughout the ship is thrown to the floor. On Deck 31, the CHIEF ENGINEER calls for help.

CHIEF ENGINEER:
Bert! Bert! (looks at HOST) Help me! Help! (a beam falls on him)

---------------------------------------------------------


The DOCTOR protects ASTRID as they are thrown to the floor.

------------------------------------------------------


On Deck 31, the HOST form a line.

----------------------------------------------------


In the maintenance area, the DOCTOR is the first to stand. He shushes everyone and listens.

DOCTOR:
It's stopping.

-----------------------------------------


The Titanic creaks and groans as bits of it float off in space.

--------------------------------------------


DOCTOR:
(Helps ASTRID stand) You all right?

ASTRID:
I think so.

DOCTOR:
Bad name for a ship. Either that or this suit is really unlucky.

The DOCTOR kneels to examine one of the stewards. The man is dead. MAX CAPRICORN'S voice can be heard.

CAPRICORN:
My name is Max. My name is Max. My name is Max.

CHIEF STEWARD:
Ev-everyone... Ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta, I must apologize on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners. We seem to have had a small collision.

The DOCTOR finds a comms panel, the source of CAPRICORN'S voice.

MORVIN: (indignant)
Small?

RICKSTON:
You know how much I paid for my ticket?

CHIEF STEWARD:
If I could have silence, ladies, gentlemen...

They ignore him and continue arguing.

CHIEF STEWARD:
Quiet! (they stop) Thank you. I-I'm sure Max Capricorn Cruiseliners will be able to reimburse you for any inconvenience. But first I would point out that

we are very much alive.

ASTRID:
(to MR COPPER) Are you all right? (helps dab the cut on his head)

The DOCTOR walks over to the others.

CHIEF STEWARD:
She is, after all, a fine, sturdy ship. If you could all stay here while I ascertain the exact nature of the--the situation. (goes to open a hatch)

DOCTOR:
Don't open it!

The hatch opens and the CHIEF STEWARD is sucked out into space by the vacuum. Everyone grabs hold of any piping near them. The DOCTOR goes over to the

comms and uses the sonic screwdriver on the computer to replace the shield.


COMPUTER:
Oxygen shield stabilized.

DOCTOR:
Everyone all right? Astrid?

ASTRID: (panting)
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
Foon? Morvin? Mr Copper? Bannakaffalatta?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Yes.

DOCTOR:
You, What was your name?

RICKSTON:
Ah, Rickston Slade.

DOCTOR:
You all right?

RICKSTON:
No thanks to that idiot.

ASTRID:
The steward just died.

RICKSTON:
Then he's a dead idiot.

ASTRID gasps and takes a step towards RICKSTON

DOCTOR:
All right, calm down. Just stay still, all of you. Hold on. (walks to hatch opening.)

ASTRID:
(joining him) What happened? How come the shields were down?

DOCTOR:
I don't think it was an accident.

ASTRID looks out into space and sees bodies among the flotsam and jetsam floating above Earth.

ASTRID:
How many dead?

DOCTOR:
We're alive, just focus on that. I will get you out of here, Astrid. I promise. Look at me. I promise. (she nods) Good. Now (looks around) if we can

get to Reception, I've got a spaceship tucked away. We can all get on board... (looks outside) Oh.

ASTRID:
What is it? What's wrong?

DOCTOR:
That's my spaceship over there.

ASTRID:
Where?

DOCTOR:
There, that box. That little blue box. (the TARDIS floats in space)

ASTRID:
That's a spaceship?

DOCTOR:
Oi, don't knock it.

ASTRID:
It's a bit small.

DOCTOR:
A bit distant. Trouble is, once it's set adrift, it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity and that would be...the Earth.

The TARDIS heads down to Earth.

----------------------------------------------------------


On Deck 31, the CHIEF ENGINEER is trapped under a beam.

CHIEF ENGINEER:
(to HOST) Don't just stand there! Get this thing off me! Host, that's an order. Help me! That's your job, isn't it?

HOST:
(steps forward) Information: we now have only one function.

CHIEF ENGINEER:
And what's that?

HOST:
Information: to kill. (reaches both hands to halo and removes it)

CHIEF ENGINEER:
What are you doing? I'm ordering you... Stop it. Stop it right now!

The HOST throws the halo like a Frisbee towards the trapped man who screams.

-----------------------------------------------------------------


The DOCTOR speaks into a comms device.

DOCTOR:
Deck 22 to the bridge. Deck 22 to the bridge. Is there anyone there?

* * *

FRAME moans, and clutching his side, reaches the comms.

FRAME:
This is the bridge.

* * *

DOCTOR:
Oh hello, sailor. Good to hear you. What's the situation up there?

* * *

FRAME:
We've got air. The oxygen field is holding. But the captain...(looks to the CAPTAIN'S body buried under wreckage) He's dead. He did it. (voice breaks) I

watched while he took down the shields. There was nothing I could do. I tried. I did try.

* * *

DOCTOR:
All right. Just stay calm. Tell me your name. What's your name?

* * *

FRAME:
Midshipman Frame.

* * *

DOCTOR:
Nice to meet you, sir. What's the state of the engines?

* * *

FRAME:
They're um...(he tries to see without moving) Hold on. (He pushes himself forward and groans)

* * *

DOCTOR:
Have you been injured?

* * *

FRAME:
I'm all right. Oh my vot. They're cycling down.

* * *

DOCTOR:
That's a nuclear storm drive, yes?

* * *

FRAME:
Yeah.

* * *

DOCTOR:
The moment they're gone, we lose orbit.

* * *

FRAME:
The planet.

* * *

DOCTOR:
Oh yes. If we hit the planet, the nuclear storm explodes and wipes out life on Earth. Midshipman, I need you to fire up the engine containment field and

feed it back into the core.

* * *

FRAME:
This is never going to work.

DOCTOR: (over comms)
Trust me, it'll keep the engines going until I can get to the bridge.


The DOCTOR switches off the comms and faces the others.

FOON:
We're going to die!

COPPER:
Are you saying someone's done this on purpose?

ASTRID:
We're just a cruise ship!

DOCTOR:
Okay, okay. Tch, tch. First things first. One: we're going to climb through this ship. B...no...two: we're going to reach the bridge. Three-or C: we're

going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low Four or D or that little "iv" in brackets they use in footnotes...why. Right then, follow me.

RICKSTON:
Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge and who the hell are you anyway?

DOCTOR:
I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years old and I'm the man who's gonna save

your lives and all six billion of the people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?

RICKSTON:
No.

DOCTOR:
In that case, allons-y!


The DOCTOR slowly pushes open a metal door that leads into a stairwell littered with debris and sparking cables

DOCTOR:
Careful. Follow me.

The DOCTOR goes ahead, clearing the way. ASTRID follows then MR COPPER, RICKSTON and the VAN HOFFS

COPPER:
Rather ironic when this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It's a festival of violence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether

they've been good or bad. It's barbaric.

DOCTOR:
Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of-of peace and thanksgiving and...what am I on about? Christmas is always like this. (uncovers a dormant

HOST) We've got a Host. Strength of ten. If we can mend it, we can use it to fix the rubble.

MORVIN:
We can do robotics, both of us.

FOON:
We worked on the milk market back on Sto. It's all robot staff.

DOCTOR:
See if you can get it working. (to ASTRID) Let's have a look.

Everyone but the VAN HOFFS climbs the stairs and fine their path blocked by wreckage.

ASTRID:
It's blocked.

DOCTOR:
So what do we do?

ASTRID:
We shift it.

DOCTOR:
That's the attitude. Rickston, Mr Copper, and you, Bannakaffalatta...look, can I just call you Banna? It's gonna save a lot of time.

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
No! Bannakaffalatta!

DOCTOR:
All right then, Bannakaffalatta, there's a gap in the middle. See if you can get through.

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Easy. Good. (squeezes through opening)

The ship lurches again sending loose debris falling in them.

RICKSTON:
This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!

DOCTOR:
Oh, Rickston, I forgot. Did you get our message?

RICKSTON:
No. What message?

DOCTOR:
Shut up!

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Bannakaffalatta made it.

ASTRID:
I'm small enough, I can get through. (makes her way through the hole)

DOCTOR:
Careful.

ASTRID:
I'm fine.

RICKSTON:
Thing is, how are Mr and Mrs Fatso gonna get through this gap?

DOCTOR:
We make the gap bigger. So start. (hands him a piece of metal)

The VAN HOFFS are working on the HOST. Having overheard RICKSTON, FOON starts crying.

MORVIN:
Hey, hey! Come on, sweetheart. Don't listen to him.

FOON:
No, but it's all my fault, though. The tickets.

MORVIN:
We won them fair and square.

FOON:
I know. I never told ya. I dialled the competition line 5000 times. That's 5000 credits. I might as well have paid for the tickets. I've been hiding the

vone bill for months now.

MORVIN: (shocked)
5000 credits? You spent 5000 credits?

FOON:
(nods ashamed) Don't hate me. (MORVIN laughs) What's so funny?

MORVIN:
5000? (laughs)

FOON:
We'll never pay that off.

MORVIN:
I know. We'll have to work 70 years you mad, bloody woman. (laughs)

FOON:
You're not cross?

MORVIN:
Does it matter? Look at us. You drive me barmy. I don't half love you...Mrs van Hoff. Come here. (Hugs her)

The VAN HOFFS' laughter floats up to where the DOCTOR and MR COPPER are clearing debris while RICKSTON looks on

RICKSTON:
What happened? Did they find a donut?

ASTRID:
I can clear it from this side. Just tell me if it starts moving. (sees Bannakaffalatta lying down) Bannakaffalatta, what's wrong?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Sshhh.

ASTRID:
What is it?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Can't say.

ASTRID:
(moves to his side) Are you hurt?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Ashamed.

ASTRID:
Of what?

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Poor Bannakaffalatta. (lifts shirt to reveal cybernetic components)

ASTRID:
You're a cyborg.

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Had accident long ago. Secret.

ASTRID:
No, but everything's changed now. Cyborgs are getting equal rights. They passed a law back on Sto. You can even get married.

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Marry you?

ASTRID:
Well, you can buy me a drink first. Come on. Let's recharge you. (presses a button on his torso) Just stay there for a bit. (goes back to clearing)

BANNAKAFFALATTA:
Tell no one.

ASTRID:
I promise.

DOCTOR:
What's going on up there?!

ASTRID:
I think Bannakaffalatta and I just got engaged.

----------------------------------------------------


FRAME is attempting to bandage himself when the comms whistle.

FRAME:
This is the bridge.

* * *

A group of six men are waiting, huddled together in a cramped room

MAN:
This is Kitchen #5.

* * *

FRAME:
How many of you are there?

* * *

MAN:
Six of us, just about. Are we the only ones left alive, sir?

* * *

FRAME:
No. There's more on Deck 19. Hold on, if I reverse the scanner... No, 50, 60 people still onboard ship. Hold on. I can see you. Kitchen Five, there you

are. Listen, everyone's heading for the bridge. Don't go portside, there's no way. Can you make your way starboard?

* * *

MAN:
We're stuck. The doors have sealed. We can't get out. (the wheel on the door turns) No, wait a minute. It's opening. There's someone on the other side.

(the door opens to reveal four HOST) Host. We've got Host. The Host are still working.

* * *

FRAME:
Oh, that's brilliant. Tell them to clear a path up to the bridge.

* * *

The HOST lift their hands and remove their halos

* * *

FRAME:
Did you get that? Kitchen Five report. Hello? Kitchen Five?

Screams come over the comms and the life signs vanish from the scanner

MAN:
It's the -

FRAME:
Report!

--------------------------------------------------------
 
 
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