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21 September 2014 @ 09:27 pm
Transcript: 8x01 Deep Breath Part 1  
The long-awaited transcript. As you can tell by this, I have no set schedule and things are in a bit of an upheaval as we are in the preparing stages of moving. I'll post as I can.



EXT. LONDON, DAY

A giant Tyrannosaurus Rex strides past the Houses of Parliament and the Clock Tower. Crowds of Londoners gather on the southern Embankment and watch in amazement. We can see by the clothes that this is Victorian London. A CONSTABLE clears a path through the crowd.

CONSTABLE:
Come on, out of the way. Move yourself, please. Coming through. That's it. Excuse me, sir.

VASTRA, JENNY and STRAX follow the CONSTABLE towards the INSPECTOR.

INSPECTOR:
Madame Vastra, thank God. I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before.

VASTRA:
Well...(lifts veil)not since I was a little girl.

JENNY:
Big fella, isn't he?

VASTRA:
Dinosaurs were mostly this size. (whispers in JENNY’S ear) I do believe it's a "she".

JENNY:
No, they weren't, I've seen fossils.

VASTRA:
I was there.

INSPECTOR:
Well, that's all well and good, but what's this dinosaur fellow doing in the Thames?

VASTRA:
It must have time travelled. Jenny?

JENNY holds up her left arm to reveal a device with which she scans the dinosaur.

INSPECTOR:
Time travelled?

The dinosaur starts hacking.

VASTRA:
Is it choking?

JENNY:
There seems to be something lodged in its throat.

INSPECTOR:
How could it time travel?

VASTRA:
I don't know. Perhaps it was something it ate.

The dinosaur hacks up the TARDIS. It spins through the air before landing on the riverbank. The crowd let out gasps of astonishment.

INSPECTOR:
(pushes his way through crowd) Stand back. Stand back, stand back. (leans over rail) Well, it's just laid an egg.

VASTRA:
It's dropped a blue box marked "Police" out of its mouth. Your grasp of biology troubles me.

VASTRA joins JENNY and STRAX as they stand away from the crowd.

JENNY:
It's the TARDIS.

VASTRA:
It would seem so.

JENNY:
We'll take care of this, Inspector.

INSPECTOR:
But what if that thing goes on the rampage?

VASTRA:
(takes a lantern that looks like a jack from a cloth bag) Place these lanterns on the shoreline and bridges, encircling the creature at 20-foot intervals. (hands it to the INSPECTOR)

INSPECTOR:
What will they do?

VASTRA:
They will emit a signal that will incline it to remain within their circumference. Jenny, Strax... with me. (goes down the steps to the bank)

EXT. LONDON, THAMES EMBANKMENT, DAY

JENNY:
So it's him, then, the Doctor?

VASTRA:
A giant dinosaur from the distant past has just vomited a blue box from outer space - this is not a day for jumping to conclusions. Strax, if you wouldn't mind?

STRAX:
(walks to the TARDIS and knocks on the door) Hello? Exit the box, and surrender to the glory of the Sontaran Empire.

The TARDIS door opens and the DOCTOR sticks his head out.

DOCTOR:
Shush! (shuts door)

STRAX:
Doctor?

DOCTOR:
(opens door) I was being chased by a giant dinosaur, but I think I managed to give it the slip. (closes door)

STRAX looks over at VASTRA and JENNY. The TARDIS door opens a crack and the DOCTOR peers out.

DOCTOR:
Sleepy?

STRAX:
Sir?

DOCTOR:
(steps out, staring at STRAX) Bashful? Sneezy? Dopey? Grumpy! (sees VASTRA and JENNY) Oh, you two! The green one...and the not-green one. Or it could be the other way round, I mustn't prejudge! Oh, you remember, er... (points at the TARDIS and CLARA steps out) thingy, the, er, the not-me one, the asking-questions one? Names - not my area. (walks around)

CLARA:
Clara!

DOCTOR:
Well, it might be Clara, might not be - it's a lottery.

CLARA:
It is Clara.

DOCTOR:
Well, I'm not ruling it out! Oi, big man, shut it! (looks up and sees the dinosaur) Oh, you've got a dinosaur too! Big woman, sorry.

CLARA:
(runs over to the DOCTOR) Doctor, listen to me. You... you need to calm down.

DOCTOR:
(to dinosaur) I'm not flirting, by the way.

CLARA:
(to VASTRA) I think something's gone wrong.

DOCTOR:
Wrong? What's gone wrong? Have you regenerated? I remember you. You're Handles! You used to be a little...a little robot head, and now you... you've really let yourself go.

The dinosaur roars.

DOCTOR:
(hurries to VASTRA) Reduce the frequency.

VASTRA:
I'm sorry?

DOCTOR:
Your sonic lanterns, turn them down. You're giving her a headache.

JENNY:
Giving who a headache?

DOCTOR:
(looks up and walks forward towards the dinosaur) My lady friend! Just an expression, don't get any ideas.

STRAX:
How do you know?

DOCTOR:
Come on, Clara! You know that I speak dinosaur.

CLARA:
(stands next to STRAX) He's not Clara. I'm Clara.

DOCTOR:
Well, you're very similar heights. Maybe you should wear labels. (backs away) Why... why are you all doing that? Why are you... You're all going dark... and wobbly - stop that.

CLARA:
I don't think we are.

DOCTOR:
Never mind! Everyone... take five. (passes out and collapses to the ground)

CLARA rushes to the DOCTOR and turns him over.

CLARA:
What do we do?

JENNY:
I don't understand, who is he? Where's the Doctor?

CLARA:
Right here. That's him. That's the Doctor.

VASTRA:
Well then, here we go again.

**********************************************************************

Peter Capaldi
Jenna Coleman

DOCTOR WHO
“Deep Breath”
By
Steven Moffat

PRODUCER
Nikki Wilson

DIRECTOR
Ben Wheatley

**********************************************************************


EXT. LONDON, NIGHT

As we pass over the roofs of London, we see the dinosaur roaring in the distance.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, HALL, NIGHT

CLARA and JENNY have their ears pressed against the door as the DOCTOR rants to VASTRA inside the room.

DOCTOR:
It's simply misunderstandable to me. I don't know what it is. (opens door wearing a nightshirt) Who invented this room?

CLARA and JENNY take advantage of the open door and go inside.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, BEDROOM, NIGHT

CLARA:
Doctor, please, you have to lie down.

DOCTOR:
It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it. Why is there only a bed in it?

CLARA:
Because it's a bed-ROOM, it's for sleeping in.

DOCTOR:
OK, what do you do when you're awake?

JENNY:
You leave the room.

DOCTOR:
So you've got a whole room for not being awake in? But what's the point? You're just missing the room! And don't look in that mirror - it's absolutely furious.

CLARA:
Doctor, please, you have to lie down, you keep passing out.

DOCTOR:
Well, of course I keep passing out, there's all these beds! Why do you keep talking like that? What's gone wrong with your accent?

JENNY:
Nothing's wrong with her accent.

DOCTOR:
You sound the same. It's spreading. You all sound all... English. Now you've all developed a fault!

VASTRA:
(Scottish accent) Doctor, I need your help with something.

DOCTOR:
Finally, someone who can talk properly.

VASTRA:
I'm having difficulty sleeping. (takes the DOCTOR’S hands and leads him towards the bed)

DOCTOR:
Oh? Oh, well, I wouldn't bother with that, I never bother with sleep, and I just do standy-up-catnaps.

VASTRA:
Oh, really, how interesting. And when do you do those?

DOCTOR:
Well, generally whenever anyone else starts talking. I like to skip ahead to my bits, it saves time.

VASTRA and the DOCTOR sit on the bed.

VASTRA:
Save me time, Doctor. (places the DOCTOR’S hands on either side of her head) Project an image of perfect sleep into the centre of my mind.

VASTRA places her hands on the sides of the DOCTOR’S head just as he removes his from her head.

DOCTOR:
What, do you want a psychic link with me? The size of my brain, it would be like dropping a piano on you.

VASTRA:
Be gentle, then.

DOCTOR:
I'll try. Brace yourself! Piano. (places hands against VASTRA’S head and promptly falls unconscious onto the bed)

VASTRA:
(resumes normal voice) I love monkeys, they're so funny.

JENNY:
Oh, I see! So people are monkeys now, are they?

VASTRA:
No, dear. People are apes. Men are monkeys.

The three place the DOCTOR under the bedcovers and let him sleep.

CLARA:
So what now?

VASTRA:
He needs rest.

CLARA:
So what do we do? How do we fix him?

JENNY:
Fix him?

CLARA:
How do we change him back?

JENNY looks nervously at VASTRA.

VASTRA:
Jenny... I will be in my chamber. Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?

JENNY:
Why, are we expecting strangers?

VASTRA:
It would seem... there's already one here. (leaves)

CLARA:
What have I done wrong?

The dinosaur roars and JENNY hurries to the window, happy to change the topic of conversation.

JENNY:
The dinosaur doesn't seem very happy.

CLARA:
What's wrong with it? (kneels by the bed)

JENNY:
I dunno. The Doctor's the one that speaks dinosaur. Excuse me, ma'am, the wife doesn't like to be kept waiting.

CLARA:
Where did he get that face? Why's it got lines on it? It's brand-new. How can his hair be all grey? He only just got it.

JENNY:
It's still him, ma'am, you saw him change.

CLARA:
I know. I do, I...I know that.

JENNY:
Good.

CLARA:
It's just...

JENNY:
What?

CLARA:
Nothing.

JENNY starts for the door.

CLARA:
If... If Vastra changed, if she was different, if she wasn't the person that you liked...

JENNY:
I don't like her, ma'am, I love her. And as to different, well, she's a lizard. (leaves)

CLARA stands and fusses with the bedcovers before resting her hand on the DOCTOR’S. She then goes over and looks out the window. The dinosaur roars.

DOCTOR:
(softly) I am alone. The world which... shook at my feet, and the trees...and the sky, have gone... and I am alone now... alone.

CLARA walks over as he speaks.

CLARA:
Are you translating? (sits on the edge of the bed)

DOCTOR:
The wind bites now... and the world is grey... and I am alone here. Can't see me. Doesn't see me. Can't... see me.

CLARA:
Who can't see it? I think all of London can see it.

STRAX:
Boy? Madame Vastra is waiting.

CLARA:
(goes to the doorway) OK, whatever.

STRAX:
I will convey you to her chamber. May I take your coat?

CLARA:
Not wearing a coat.

STRAX:
What's all that?

CLARA:
Clothes.

STRAX:
May I take your clothes?

CLARA:
Probably not. (heads out the door)

STRAX:
Are you wearing a hat?

CLARA:
It's hair.

STRAX:
(follows) No, I think it's a hat, would you like me to check?

EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT

A lamplighter progresses down the street. Groups of people are standing in the street talking about the dinosaur and pointing in that direction. A couple walks forward to where the road drops away, allowing a clear view of the dinosaur.

MAN:
It's not real, of course.

WOMAN:
What is it, then?

MAN:
The government.

WOMAN:
The government?

MAN:
Yeah, up to their usual tricks.

WOMAN:
It's a dinosaur, Alf. A real dinosaur.

ALF:
I wouldn't put it past them.

WOMAN:
You don't half talk a lot of rubbish, Alfie. See you don't stay out too late now. (kisses ALF on the cheek)

ALF:
You know me.

WOMAN:
Yes, I do! (leaves)

The lamplighter lights the lamp behind ALF revealing a MAN in a top hat and heavy overcoat with a turned up fur collar. He turns to look at ALF before walking over to stand next to him.

ALF:
It's the neck, that's what's wrong with it. Just don't look realistic.

MAN:
(monotone) You have good eyes.

With what sounds like the grinding of gears, the man looks down and takes something like tweezers or forceps from his pocket.

ALF:
Oh, I do, as it happens, very good eyes. They're my greatest gift.

MAN:
I accept.

ALF:
(notices the device) What's that for?

MAN:
Your gift. (turns and we see he has half a face, clockwork gears can be seen through open framework) I have bad eyes.

The HALF-FACE MAN grabs ALF who screams.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT

VASTRA sits in a chair, veil over her face. CLARA sits across from her and JENNY stands to the side.

VASTRA:
And then?

CLARA:
Why are you wearing your veil?

VASTRA:
And then?

CLARA:
And then we got swallowed by a big dinosaur. You probably noticed.

JENNY:
How did it happen?

CLARA:
I don't know, I don't know, we were... crashing about everywhere. The Doctor was gone, the TARDIS went haywire.

JENNY:
He's not gone. He's upstairs.

CLARA looks up at JENNY. VASTRA waits patiently.

CLARA:
OK, he changed.

VASTRA:
He regenerated, renewed himself.

CLARA:
Renewed, fine.

VASTRA:
Such a cynical smile.

CLARA:
I'm not smiling.

VASTRA:
Not outwardly, but I'm accustomed to seeing through a veil. How have I amused you?

CLARA:
You said renewed. He doesn't... He doesn't look renewed, he looks... older.

VASTRA:
You thought he was young?

CLARA:
He looked young.

VASTRA:
He looked like your dashing young gentleman friend, your lover, even.

CLARA:
Shut up!

VASTRA:
But he is the Doctor. He has walked this universe for centuries untold, he has seen stars fall to dust. You might as well flirt with a mountain range.

CLARA:
I did not flirt with him.

VASTRA:
He flirted with you.

CLARA:
How?

VASTRA:
He looked young. Who do you think that was for?

CLARA:
Me?

VASTRA:
Everyone. I wear a veil as he wore a face - for the same reason.

CLARA:
What reason?

VASTRA:
The oldest reason there is for anything... to be accepted.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, BEDROOM, NIGHT

Lying in bed, the DOCTOR sniffs twice. He then wakes and sits up with a deep inhale. He gets out of bed and on his hands and knees then looks under the bed and sniffs again. He crawls over to the radiator and scrabbles with his hand underneath. He pulls out a long piece of chalk, holds it to his nose and breathes in. He then marks the chalk against the radiator.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT

JENNY is pouring tea.

VASTRA:
Jenny and I are married, yet for appearance's sake, we maintain a pretence, in public, that she is my maid.

JENNY:
Doesn't exactly explain why I'm pouring tea in private.

VASTRA:
Hush now.

JENNY:
Good pretence, isn't it?

VASTRA:
I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement. I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people, but as a judgment on the quality of their hearts.

CLARA:
Are you judging me?

VASTRA:
The Doctor regenerated in your presence. The young man disappeared, the veil lifted. He trusted you. Are you judging him?

CLARA:
(stands) How dare you? How dare you?

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, BEDROOM, NIGHT

The DOCTOR is writing in chalk on the floor. In a wider shot, we see he has covered practically every inch of the floor. The dinosaur roars and the DOCTOR stands. He then goes to the door and opens it.

DOCTOR:
Door. Boring. Not me. (closes the door and hurries over to the window opening it and sticks out his head) Me! (looks up to the roof)

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT

CLARA:
Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, last of the five good'uns, stoic philosopher.

VASTRA:
(no longer wearing veil) Superlative bass guitarist - the Doctor really knows how to put a band together.

CLARA:
And the only pin-up I ever had on my wall when I was 15, the only one I ever had. I am not sure who you think you're talking to right now, Madam Vastra, but I have never had the slightest interest in pretty young men. And for the record, if there ever was anybody who could flirt with a mountain range, she's probably standing in front of you right now! Just because my pretty face has turned your head, do not assume that I am so easily distracted.

JENNY:
(applauds) Whoo! Woo-hoo! (slows to a stop when the others look at her) Sorry!

VASTRA:
Well...(chuckles)goodness me! The lake is ruffled at last. I often wondered what you'd be like when you lost your temper.

JENNY:
Oi! (slaps VASTRA’S head and she hisses) Married.

VASTRA:
(stands) The Doctor needs us, you more than anyone. He is lost in the ruin of himself, and we must bring him home.

CLARA:
When did you stop wearing your veil?

VASTRA:
When you stopped seeing it.

EXT. LONDON, ROOFTOPS, NIGHT

The DOCTOR dressed only in his nightshirt makes his way across the roof, calling to the dinosaur.

DOCTOR:
Oi! Oi! (waves arms) Oi, big, sexy woman! Oi! Sorry. Sorry, it's all my fault. My time machine got stuck in your throat. It happens. I brought you along by accident, that's mostly how I meet girls, but don't worry, I promise I will get you home. I swear, whatever it takes, (uses hand motions) I will keep you safe. You will be at home again.

The dinosaur bursts into flames. She moans in pain and the DOCTOR can only watch, helpless.

DOCTOR:
Stop that. Who's doing that? No, don't do that. (runs off as the dinosaur collapses)

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT

VASTRA stands up.

VASTRA:
That came from the river!

JENNY:
The dinosaur!

VASTRA:
Strax, bring the carriage, now!

EXT. LONDON, NIGHT

The DOCTOR runs across the roof and leaps into a nearby tree. He unfortunately doesn’t get a good grip and falls through the branches, finally stopping when his legs catch on a branch and he hangs upside-down overlooking the entry to the mews. A horse and carriage are headed his way.

DOCTOR:
Halt!

The DRIVER stops the carriage.

DOCTOR:
Sorry, I'm going to have to relieve you of your pet!

DRIVER:
You're what?

DOCTOR:
Shut up, I was talking to the horse!

The DOCTOR drops from the branch and lands on the horse. He then uses the sonic screwdriver on the reins, cutting them.

DRIVER:
What are you doing?

DOCTOR:
Forwards!

The horse rears and the DOCTOR gallops off. STRAX soon comes by driving VASTRA’S carriage.

STRAX:
Out of the way, human scum! Hyya! Jurassic emergency! Hyya!

EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT

The DOCTOR rides the horse through the streets on his way to the river.

DOCTOR:
Left! No, no! Right, right, right, right! Sorry, it's my new hands, I can't tell them apart.

Not too far behind is VASTRA’S carriage.

INT. CARRIAGE, NIGHT

JENNY, VASTRA and CLARA are in the carriage as it races through the streets.

JENNY:
What do you think's happened?

VASTRA:
I don't know, but I fear devilment.

CLARA:
Should we not have told the Doctor?

JENNY:
He's not ready to leave his bed.

EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Watch it on the corners, it's a bit slippery up here!

INT. CARRIAGE, NIGHT

VASTRA:
Strax!

STRAX:
(from outside) Hyya!

VASTRA:
Come on, Strax!

STRAX:
(from outside) Hyya! Hyya, hyya!

VASTRA:
That's better!

EXT. LONDON, BRIDGE, NIGHT

The DOCTOR arrives on the closest bridge crossing the Thames where the dinosaur was killed. He dismounts the horse and leaps onto the railing overlooking the still-burning remains.

DOCTOR:
Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

The carriage arrives and the passengers step out surprised to see the DOCTOR.

CLARA:
The Doctor! What's he doing here?

VASTRA:
(uses a remote to close and alarm the carriage) There is trouble - where else would he be?

DOCTOR:
She was scared. She was scared and alone. I brought her here and look what they did.

VASTRA:
Who or what could have done this thing?

DOCTOR:
No.

VASTRA:
I'm sorry?

DOCTOR:
No. That is not the question. That is not where we start.

STRAX:
The question is how. The flesh itself has been combusted...

DOCTOR:
No, no, shut up! What do you all have for brains - pudding? Look at you. Why can't I meet a decent species? Planet of the pudding-brains!

CLARA:
(walks to the railing) Doctor... I know you're upset, but you need to calm down and talk to us. What is the question?

DOCTOR:
A dinosaur is burning in the heart of London. Nothing left but smoke and flame. The question is... have there been any similar murders?

VASTRA:
Yes! Yes, by the Goddess, there have!

DOCTOR:
(looks towards the embankment) Look at them all - gawking!

The people on the embankment are talking excitedly amongst themselves. Off to the side is the HALF-FACE MAN showing no emotion whatsoever.

DOCTOR:
Question two. If all the pudding-brains are gawking... then what is he? (points at the HALF-FACE MAN as he walks away)

VASTRA:
He seems remarkably unmoved by the available spectacle.

CLARA turns to look at VASTRA and doesn’t see the DOCTOR jump into the river as she talks.

CLARA:
Do you think that's whoever...? (turns around as she hears a splash and looks over the rail) What he's doing? He'll drown!

VASTRA:
I very much doubt it.

CLARA:
(looks at VASTRA) Why?

VASTRA:
There has been a murder. The Doctor has taken up the case. If we are to see him again, we must do the same.

VASTRA heads back to the carriage. CLARA looks down into the churning waters of the Thames.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, BEDROOM, DAY

CLARA pours water into a basin before wetting the cloth. She is wearing a Victorian nightdress and has a shawl wrapped around her arms. We hear STRAX’S voice carry from outside.

STRAX:
Come on, Earthling scum! Position it here. Easy now! That's it. Careful.

CLARA goes to the window and opens it further. STRAX is directing two men unloading the TARDIS in the courtyard. He has a rolled-up newspaper in his hand.

STRAX:
Don't get it scratched or you and all your bloodline will be obliterated from time and space.

MAN:
Very good, sir.

CLARA:
Strax!

STRAX:
(looks up) Ah, morning, Miss Clara. You're awake at last.

CLARA:
You got the TARDIS, then?

STRAX:
Military tactics. The Doctor is still missing, but he will always come looking for his box. By bringing it here, he will be lured from the dangers of London to this place of safety, and we will melt him with acid.

CLARA:
OK, that last part?

STRAX:
And we will not melt him with acid. Old habits. The Times. Shall I send it up?

CLARA:
Yeah, why not?

STRAX throws the paper to CLARA. It hits her in the head and she falls backwards.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, HALL, DAY

CLARA exits her room now dressed in a period gown and her hair is done up on the top of her head. She looks like she did when a governess. She walks down the hall, the newspaper in her hand. She sees JENNY coming up the stairs.

CLARA:
Jenny!

JENNY:
Ah, good morning, Clara.

CLARA:
(meets JENNY on the landing and walks up with her) Morning. Erm, so what are we going to do? Are we looking for the Doctor?

JENNY:
We've got the Paternoster Irregulars out in force. If anyone can find him, they can. Meanwhile, Madam Vastra is slightly occupied by the Conk-Singleton forgery case. And is having the Camberwell child-poisoner for dinner...

CLARA:
For dinner?

JENNY:
After she's finished interrogating him. Probably best to stay out the larder. It'll get a bit noisy in there later.

CLARA:
Erm...

JENNY walks away. CLARA goes downstairs.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, KITCHEN, DAY

STRAX is mopping the floor when he sees CLARA walking down the hall towards him.

STRAX:
Ah, Miss Clara! (leans mop against the wall) You look better now you're up.

CLARA:
(enters the room and unties the paper) Thank you, Strax!

STRAX:
Oh, sorry, trick of the light. You still look terrible. Can I get you anything?

CLARA:
Er, no, thanks. Maybe just some water.

STRAX:
(bows) Of course. (puts bucket of dirty water on the table) Well, don't hold back, I've nearly finished anyway.

CLARA:
Um...

STRAX:
It's perfectly all right. I washed in it myself.

CLARA:
All of a sudden, I'm not very thirsty.

STRAX:
Really? (walks over to CLARA) Perhaps it is time then... (takes out handheld device, turns it on and advances towards her) for your mandatory medical examination.

CLARA sits and STRAX aims the device at her eye as he looks through it.

STRAX:
Say, "Ah."

CLARA:
Ah.

STRAX:
You didn't move your lips.

CLARA:
You're looking at my eye.

STRAX:
Oh, yes, there we are. Easy mistake. (shines device on her forehead) Ah-h! Now that's interesting.

CLARA:
What? What's interesting?

STRAX:
Deflected narcissism, traces of passive aggressive, and a lot of muscular young men doing sport.

CLARA:
What are you looking at?

STRAX:
Your subconscious. Is that sport? It could be sport.

CLARA:
Well, stop looking. (flips the device closed)

STRAX:
(opens the device and stands back to scan her torso) Moving onto the thorax, such as it is... Ah, excellent. Enviable spleen! Well done. 27 years old, with a projected lifespan of exactly...

CLARA:
Stop... right there.

STRAX:
Oh, you're going to do quite well. But watch out for fluid retention later, it's going to be spectacular. Well, put your clothes back on.

CLARA:
They are on!

STRAX:
Oh, yes, so they are.

CLARA:
(takes the device from STRAX and sets it on the table) Why are you doing this?

STRAX:
If we are to serve together, I need you in peak physical prowess. Eh? (punches her in the arm)

CLARA:
Ow! (stands) Why would we be serving together? The Doctor's going to come back, isn't he?

STRAX:
It is to be hoped.

CLARA:
He's not just going to abandon me here.

STRAX:
You must stop worrying about him, my boy. By now, he's almost certainly had his throat cut by the violent poor.

EXT. LONDON, ALLEY, DAY

The DOCTOR, still in his nightshirt, is scrounging through junk in an alley. A TRAMP enters the alley and watches him. The DOCTOR finds a mirror and stares at his reflection. The TRAMP tosses his bottle and the DOCTOR whips around and looks at him.

DOCTOR:
Bitey.

TRAMP:
Bitey?

DOCTOR:
The air... it's bitey, it's wet and bitey.

TRAMP:
Oh, it's cold!

DOCTOR:
That's right. It's cold! It's cold, I knew it was a thing. (walks towards the TRAMP) I need, um... I need clothes. I need clothes, that's what I need. (rubs his neck) And a big, long scarf. No, no, move on from that, looked stupid. Um... Have you seen this face before?

TRAMP:
No.

DOCTOR:
Are you sure?

TRAMP:
Sir, I have never seen that face.

DOCTOR:
It's funny, because...I'm sure that I have. You know, I never know where the faces come from. They just pop up. Zap! Faces like this one. (pulls the TRAMP to the mirror) Come on, look at it, have a look, come on, look, look, look. Look, it's covered in lines, but I didn't do the frowning. Who frowned me this face? Do you ever look in the mirror and think, "I've seen that face before"?

TRAMP:
Yes.

DOCTOR:
Really? When?

TRAMP:
Well, every time I look in the mirror.

DOCTOR:
Oh, yes, yes, yes, fair enough. Good point. My face is fresh on, though.

The TRAMP turns and walks away.

DOCTOR:
Er... Why this one? Why did I choose... this face? (turns and starts to walk after the TRAMP) It's like I'm trying to tell myself something, like I'm trying to make a point. But what is so important that I can't just tell myself what I'm thinking?

TRAMP:
Er...

DOCTOR:
I'm not just being rhetorical here, you can join in.

TRAMP:
I don't like it.

DOCTOR:
What?

TRAMP:
Your face.

DOCTOR:
Well, I don't like it either. Well, it's all right up until the eyebrows. Then it just goes haywire. Look at the eyebrows! These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these!

TRAMP:
They are mighty eyebrows indeed, sir.

DOCTOR:
They're cross! They're crosser than the rest of my face. They're independently cross. They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own independent state of eyebrows. That's Scot... I am Scottish. I've gone Scottish?

TRAMP:
Oh, yes, you are. You are definitely Scots, sir. I... I 'ear it in your voice.

DOCTOR:
Oh, no, that's good. Oh-h! Oh-h! It's good I'm Scottish, I'm Scottish. I am Scottish. I can complain about things, I can really complain about things now. Give me your coat.

TRAMP:
No.

DOCTOR:
I'm cold.

TRAMP:
I'm cold.

DOCTOR:
I'm cold. Well, there's no point in us both being cold, give me your coat. Give me your coat! No, wait. Shut up, shut up! Shut up! (turns back and starts to search the alley) I missed something. It was here, it was here. It was... What was it I saw, what did I see? (finds newspaper and shows TRAMP) This is what I saw! Spontaneous combustion!

The small headline reads “Fourth Case of Spontaneous Combustion”.

TRAMP:
What devilry is this, sir?

DOCTOR:
I don't know, but I probably blame the English.

INT. VASTRA and JENNY’S, STUDIO, DAY

VASTRA is standing at an easel as JENNY poses in a corset and shift, a shawl about her shoulders.

VASTRA:
Hmm! Spontaneous combustion!

JENNY:
Is that like love at first sight?

VASTRA:
Huh! A little. It is the theory that human beings can, with little or no inducement, simply explode.

JENNY:
You don't need to flirt with me, we're already married.

VASTRA:
It's scientific nonsense, of course.

JENNY:
Marriage?

VASTRA:
Hush! There have been nine reported incidents of people apparently exploding in the last month.

JENNY:
And you think they weren't spontaneous.

VASTRA:
I think whoever killed the dinosaur had at least nine previous victims – (turns the easel around to reveal a map and articles regarding the case) all of these perished in the same spectacular fashion.

JENNY:
(no longer posing) I thought you were painting me!

VASTRA:
I was working.

JENNY:
Well, why am I posing then?

VASTRA:
Well, you brighten the room tremendously. Chin up a little. (tries to get JENNY to pose again)

JENNY:
Oh, I don't understand why I'm doing this!

VASTRA:
Art?

JENNY just looks at VASTRA and she returns to the board. JENNY walks over as well.

VASTRA:
Now, why destroy the victims so completely? It's difficult, it draws attention - what advantage is to be gained?

JENNY:
Well, tell us, then.

VASTRA:
Concealment, perhaps.

JENNY:
Concealment?

VASTRA:
It's a fanciful theory, but it fits the facts. By destroying the body so completely, you conceal what is missing from it.

JENNY:
Missing from the body?

CLARA:
(muffled) Madame Vastra! (enters the room)

VASTRA:
Clara, excellent. Pop your clothes on that chair there.

CLARA:
Look! (holds up the personal ads and points)

VASTRA:
Advertisements, yes - so many, it's a distressing modern trend.

CLARA:
No, look! (lays the paper on a table) Look. (points to an ad that reads “Impossible Girl”)

VASTRA walks to the door.

JENNY:
Ma'am?

VASTRA:
The game is afoot. We're going to need a lot of tea. (tugs on bell pull)

>>> LATER >>>

STRAX is pouring the tea as VASTRA looks at the newspaper and JENNY and CLARA study the map.

VASTRA:
There appears to be nothing of significance in the rest of the newspaper, not even in the agony column.

JENNY:
We can't know it's from the Doctor.

CLARA:
Of course it's from the Doctor. The Impossible Girl, that's what he calls me!

VASTRA:
He says lunch, but not when or where?

JENNY:
"On the other side?" The other side of London? Bit vague.

VASTRA:
The other side of regeneration, perhaps, once he's recovered?

CLARA:
(pacing) So what am I supposed to do - guess where we're meeting?

VASTRA:
Perhaps that's the point. Perhaps you're supposed to prove that you still know him. Think what that must mean for a man who barely knows himself.

CLARA:
It doesn't makes sense. He doesn't do puzzles. He isn't complicated, really doesn't have the attention span. So... (pulls the outside sheet of the paper and holds it to the light) keeping it dead simple... "..on the other side." (flips the paper over to reveal “Mancini’s Family Restaurant” directly behind the ad)

EXT. LONDON, STREET, DAY

CLARA holds the newspaper and crosses the street to Mancini’s restaurant.

INT. RESTAURANT, DAY

CLARA enters the restaurant. Despite the number of diners, it is very quiet, no conversation. She takes a seat at a table against the wall and looks at the paper to keep busy. She then makes a face and sniffs. She looks around for the source of the smell and turns back to see the DOCTOR sitting next to her. He is wearing the TRAMP’S coat. CLARA fans the folded paper under her nose and coughs.

DOCTOR:
What's wrong?

CLARA:
I don't know! Maybe the smell?

DOCTOR:
I know, it's everywhere. (looks around)

CLARA:
Where did you get that coat?

DOCTOR:
Er... I bought it.

CLARA:
From where?

DOCTOR:
Er, a shop.

CLARA:
No.

DOCTOR:
Might have been a tramp.

CLARA:
You don't have any money.

DOCTOR:
Er... I had a watch!

CLARA:
No! That watch was beautiful.

DOCTOR:
It was my favourite.

CLARA:
You swapped your favourite watch for that coat - that's maybe not a good deal.

DOCTOR:
Well, I was in a hurry, there was a terrible smell.

CLARA:
OK.

The DOCTOR smiles and chuckles, pointing at CLARA.

CLARA:
No, no. Don't, don't... Don't, don't smile. I will smile first and then you know it's safe to smile.

DOCTOR:
Are you cross with me?

CLARA:
I am not cross, but if I was cross it would be your fault and... yes, I am cross.

DOCTOR:
I guessed that.

CLARA:
I am extremely cross.

DOCTOR:
And if I hadn't changed my face, would you be cross?

CLARA:
I would be cross if I wasn't cross!

DOCTOR:
Why?

CLARA:
Why? An ordinary person wants to meet someone that they know very well for lunch, what do they do?

DOCTOR:
Well, they probably... get in touch and suggest lunch.

CLARA:
Mm-hm. OK, so what sort of person would put a cryptic note in…in a newspaper advert?

DOCTOR:
Well, I wouldn't like to say.

CLARA:
Oh, go on, do say.

DOCTOR:
Well, I would say that that person would be an egomaniac, needy, game-player sort of person.

CLARA:
(sighs) Thank you. Well, at least that hasn't changed.

DOCTOR:
And I don't suppose it ever will.

CLARA:
(chuckles) No, I don't suppose it will either.

DOCTOR:
Clara, honestly... (puts a hand on one of hers) I don't want you to change. It was no bother, really. I saw your advert, I figured it out - happy to play your game.

CLARA:
No. No... no, I didn't place the ad. You placed the ad.

DOCTOR:
No, I didn't.

CLARA:
Yes, you placed the ad, I figured it out! Impossible Girl, see, lunch? (holds up paper)

DOCTOR:
(takes paper) No, look, the Impossible... That is a message FROM the Impossible Girl.

CLARA:
FOR the Impossible... Girl.

DOCTOR:
Oh? Oh?

CLARA:
Hmm.

DOCTOR:
Well, if neither of us placed that ad, who placed... that ad? (looks out at the diners)

CLARA:
Hang on. "Egomaniac, needy, game-player"?

DOCTOR:
This could be a trap.

CLARA:
That was me?

DOCTOR:
Never mind that.

CLARA:
Yes, I am minding that!

DOCTOR:
Clara....

CLARA:
You were talking about me?

DOCTOR:
Clara, what is happening right now in this restaurant to you and me is more important than your egomania.

CLARA:
Nothing is more important than my egomania!

DOCTOR:
Right, you actually said that.

CLARA:
You never mention that again!

DOCTOR:
(scratches head) It's... it's a vanity trap. You're so busy congratulating yourself on solving the puzzle, (pulls a hair from his head) you don't notice that you're sticking your head in a noose. (holds air up by fingertips)

CLARA:
What are you doing? And that isn't the only grey one, if you are, erm, having a cull.

DOCTOR:
What, do you have a problem with the grey ones?

CLARA:
If I got new hair, and it was grey, I would have a problem.

DOCTOR:
Yeah, I bet you would.

CLARA:
Meaning?

DOCTOR:
It's too short. (drops hair and pulls one from CLARA’S head)

CLARA:
Ow!

DOCTOR:
Sorry, it was the only one out of place, I'm sure that you would want it killed.

CLARA:
Oooh, are you trying to tell me something?

DOCTOR:
(holds the piece of hair loosely) I'm trying to measure the air disturbance in the room.

CLARA:
Right, moments when you know you are boring.

The DOCTOR drops the hair and it falls straight down. He then looks out at the diners and it appears they are literally just going through the motions and never really eating.

DOCTOR:
There is something extremely wrong with everybody else in this room.

CLARA:
Mmm, basically, don't you always think that?

DOCTOR:
Look at them.

CLARA looks.

DOCTOR:
Don't look!

CLARA:
You just said to look!

DOCTOR:
Look without looking!

CLARA faces the DOCTOR but looks out the side of her eyes at the other diners.

CLARA:
They look fine to me. They're just eating.

DOCTOR:
Are they?

CLARA looks again and notices that even though they bring the food to their mouths, it never goes in.

CLARA:
OK, no. No, they're not eating.

DOCTOR:
Something else they're not doing. (pulls another hair from CLARA and drops it) Breathing.

CLARA:
What do we do?

DOCTOR:
What, you don't want to eat, do you?

CLARA:
Hmm! Slightly lost my appetite. How long before they notice that we're different?

DOCTOR:
Not long.

CLARA:
Anything we can do?

DOCTOR:
How long can you hold your breath?

CLARA:
We could just casually stroll out of here, like we've changed our minds.

DOCTOR:
Happens all the time.

CLARA:
Ha! Course it does.

The DOCTOR and CLARA stand to leave and so does every other diner. They take a step forward and the diners move towards them. The DOCTOR and CLARA take another step and so do the diners.

CLARA:
We could... take another look at the menu.

The DOCTOR and CLARA sit back down and the diners resume their places.

CLARA:
(looks at menu) What are they?

DOCTOR:
I don't know. But don't worry, because that's not the question. The question is what is this restaurant?

CLARA:
OK, what is this restaurant?

DOCTOR:
I don't know.

They look up to see a WAITER standing there. He stares at them.

DOCTOR:
Er... no sausages? Do you... And there's no pictures either. Do you have a children's menu?

The WAITER takes out a wand-like device and scans the DOCTOR.

DOCTOR:
Any specials?

WAITER:
(monotone) Liver.

DOCTOR:
I don't like liver.

WAITER:
Spleen. Brain stem. Eyes.

CLARA:
Mm. Is there a lot of demand for those?

DOCTOR:
I don't think that's what's on the menu. I think we are the menu.

WAITER:
(scans CLARA) Lungs. Skin.

The DOCTOR peers up at the WAITER.

DOCTOR:
Excuse me. (rips off face to reveal a pilot light burning underneath)

CLARA:
OK. Robot in a mask.

DOCTOR:
It's a face.

CLARA:
Yeah, it's very convincing.

DOCTOR:
(presses the “mask” against CLARA’S face) No, it's a face.

CLARA:
(drops face) Oh!

WAITER:
Yes.

DOCTOR:
Yes, what?

WAITER:
Yes, we have a children's menu.

Metal restraints come out from the chairs over the upper arms and chest and another around the waist and lower arms. The booth is then lowered down a shaft.
 
 
 
Вивиан Лэйк: Donna/Martha by [lj user = ibishtar]vivian_lake on September 22nd, 2014 08:33 am (UTC)
Thank you. And good luck with moving.
her heaven is never enough: doctor who - I see that_lyra_b on September 28th, 2014 02:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks for this! I hope all goes well with your move.