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13 July 2014 @ 07:54 pm
Transcript: 3x01 Ghosts  


Previously on “PSYCH”…

We see clips of the tail end of last season, ending with SHAWN opening the door and saying “Mom”.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1995

EXT. ISOLATED ROAD, NIGHT

A car slowly pulls up and we see HENRY – a detective at this point – and his partner, RAY, in the front seat. HENRY looks out the driver’s side window as he puts the car in park. There is another car in park up the way, engine off. The windows appear steamed up.

HENRY:
(into radio) Dispatch, we've located the stolen vehicle. Occupants inside. Approaching now.

DISPATCH:
(over radio) 10-4. Proceed with caution.

RAY:
Henry. You don't want to do this.

HENRY:
I don't have a choice, Ray.

RAY:
Think of the consequences.

HENRY:
We're way past consequences. This needs to end tonight.

HENRY gets out and approaches the other car, opens the front door and shines his flashlight inside. The couple inside squints at the light in their eyes. The driver is SHAWN, in the midst of his Judd Nelson phase.

SHAWN:
(sighs) Whoops.

HENRY:
Whoops?

GIRL:
It's my neighbor's car. We were gonna put it back. It was just a dare.

SHAWN:
Is there a problem here, Officer?

HENRY:
You wanted my attention, Shawn, you got it, buddy.

GIRL:
Wait, you guys know each other?

SHAWN:
Yeah, he's sort of my dad.

INT. SBPD, HALL

HENRY has his hand on a hand-cuffed SHAWN’S arm as he marches them into the station.

SHAWN:
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask for that “Worid's Greatest Dad” mug back.

HENRY:
You just keep talking, Shawn.

SHAWN:
You keep talking.

HENRY:
Oh, don't worry, I will. Like when I read you your rights.

SHAWN:
Ooh, I have rights. That'll be new and fun.

HENRY:
(stops and yanks SHAWN around to face him) What am I gonna tell your mother?

SHAWN:
I don't know. You think you can get a hold of her new phone number?

HENRY:
I hope it was worth it, smart-ass. This officially ends your chance of being a cop.

SHAWN:
Let's be honest. I gave up wanting to be like you a long time ago.

HENRY:
That's it! Somebody book him! You, beanpole! Get over here. Fingerprint him now!

The beanpole is a young rookie LASSITER with a mustache.

LASSITER:
Oh, I'm so--I'm sorry. (looks around) Me?

SHAWN scoffs.

HENRY:
Never mind, rookie. I'll do it myself.

HENRY pulls SHAWN away as LASSITER reaches for his cuffs.

PRESENT DAY

INT. CENTRAL COAST, GUS’ OFFICE, DAY

GUS is looking through a pamphlet when his phone rings. He answers it.

GUS:
Burton Guster.

SHAWN:
(over phone) Dude, I'm freaking out. You have to help me.

GUS:
What's wrong?

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. HENRY’S, SHAWN’S ROOM, DAY

SHAWN is in his childhood bedroom sitting on the bed.

SHAWN:
My mom's here.

GUS:
She's back in the country?

SHAWN:
Back in the country? Try--try back in this city. Try downstairs in my dad's kitchen.

GUS:
Where are you?

SHAWN:
Hiding out in my bedroom. (opens drawer of nightstand) Oh, my God! Holy crap. I just found an entire unopened box of Shrinky Dinks.

GUS:
You're hiding in your bedroom because your mom came to visit? Dude, you've got problems.

SHAWN:
Are you hearing what I'm saying? My mom is standing downstairs in my dad's kitchen laughing it up, having a grand old time. You don't think that's a little weird?

GUS:
And you're unhappy she's here?

SHAWN:
No, I'm not unhappy she's here… I don't know. I haven't seen her in three years. She used to tell me everything.

GUS:
What is she doing here?

SHAWN:
Working.

GUS:
For the police department?

SHAWN:
I guess. I don't know. (tries to get comfortable on the bed) I haven't found out much because, apparently, it's 1988 in my house and no one felt the need to tell me anything. But I know my dad is behind all of this… (reaches under the pillows and pulls out a toy) Oh, my God! Dude, did you know I had a Furby?

GUS:
Shawn, I have no time for this. I've got my own problems. I have to go see Frankjim Ogletree.

SHAWN:
Frankjim Ogletree? Is that a person or a hippopotamus?

GUS:
He's the new Regional Sales Manager. My immediate boss. And a tyrant. They call him the little Pinochet.

SHAWN:
That's too abstract. Why don't they just call him Jerk Pants or Suck McJones?

GUS:
They're MIT guys, Shawn. Now go face your parents. You've been wanting to see your mom forever. And tell her I'm coming by for some Jell-O cake.

SHAWN:
Holy… Dude! I just found a pristine issue of Dynamite magazine withSquare Pegs on the cover. Hold on, I'm gonna read "Bummers" to you.

GUS hangs up.

INT. HENRY’S, KITCHEN, DAY

SHAWN slowly comes down the stairs. HENRY and MADDIE are in the kitchen preparing cheese and crackers. HENRY opens a bottle of wine.

MADDIE:
The cheese knife is in the same place, right?

HENRY:
Yeah, it's right there. You want me to give you a hand, hon?

MADDIE:
(turns around) Did you just call me “honey”?

HENRY:
I did not. I was going to say “hunchback”.

MADDIE:
Oh, Shawny, look at this. Not only does your father own a very expensive bottle of Bordeaux, he hand-made little cucumber sandwiches. Do you believe that?

HENRY pours a glass of wine.

SHAWN:
Wow, he is just chock full of surprises today.

HENRY:
What? I'm allowed to expand my horizons, right?

SHAWN takes the wine and gulps it down.

SHAWN:
I'm so glad to see you, Mom. What are you doing in town?

MADDIE:
Well, some police departments occasionally call me up to come back and do psych evaluations.

SHAWN:
How long have you known about this?

MADDIE:
Not long. I almost didn't do it. I changed my mind at the last second. I'm doing Santa Barbara PD, a few in San Diego, the Bay area. When are our dinner reservations, Henry?

SHAWN:
Oh, there's dinner plans tonight?

HENRY:
You can make it, right?

MADDIE:
Of course he can make it.

SHAWN:
Of course I will come. I just... Need to cancel a date but that is not a big deal.

MADDIE:
You made other plans?

SHAWN:
I didn't make other plans. I-- I didn't know.

MADDIE:
Didn't know what?

SHAWN:
That you were coming.

MADDIE:
Henry, why didn't you tell him I was coming?

HENRY:
He doesn't have a phone.

MADDIE:
You don't have a phone?

SHAWN:
I do.

MADDIE:
Are you having money problems? Henry, why don't you buy him a phone?

SHAWN:
Mom, I'm fine. I'm not having money problems. I'm-- I dropped my phone while I was solving a very important crime. It was on the front page of the newspaper yesterday. Yeah. (to HENRY) May I speak with you privately?

SHAWN and HENRY walk out to the living room.

INT. HENRY’S, LIVING ROOM, DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk to the far side of the room.

SHAWN:
(angry whisper) What the hell is going on in there?

HENRY:
I tried to tell you, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Allow me to demonstrate trying. "Shawn, guess who's coming back into the country on Friday? Your mother." That's it. Mission accomplished.

HENRY:
Look, I wanted to clear the air on a few things before she got here.

SHAWN:
Clear the air? You think you can undo 15 years of hard feelings with a bottle of… Pinot...

HENRY:
Bordeaux.

SHAWN:
I didn't even know Wal-Mart had a wine cellar.

HENRY:
Look, would you give me a break? I'm just trying to make a nice night for her here.

SHAWN:
You're sabotaging me.

HENRY:
Why would I do that?

SHAWN:
I don't know. But I'm gonna figure it out. (leaves)

INT. CENTRAL COAST, OGLETREE’S OFFICE, DAY

OGLETREE is putting when there is a knock on the door and GUS enters.

GUS:
You wanted to see me, Mr. Ogletree?

OGLETREE:
Shut the door, Burton.

OGLETREE puts the golf club away as GUS closes the door.

OGLETREE:
I was reading the paper yesterday and something caught my attention. (tosses paper on the table and there is a picture of GUS and SHAWN after solving the case at the museum) Have to say I was surprised considering you seem to already have a full-time job. (sits at desk)

GUS:
(walks forward) This is just something I do on the side. (sits) A hobby, really, like collecting thimbles or, um, raising carrier pigeons.

OGLETREE:
You raise carrier pigeons?

GUS:
No. Not at all. That's totally lame. I just said that because I was flustered.

OGLETREE:
I raise carrier pigeons.

GUS:
I'm glad you said that, because I was afraid to tell you how cool I thought carrier pigeons are. Flying around and carrying stuff. Coming back. Awesome, I hear that.

OGLETREE:
Are you familiar with the exclusivity clause in your contract? It means we don't allow second jobs.

GUS:
Jobs? No, no. Psych is more like community service. And it never affects my work.

OGLETREE:
This photo was taken Thursday night. I notice that you signed out early that day.

GUS:
I think the important thing is I signed out.

OGLETREE:
Let's roll back the clock, shall we? (reads file) Monday, the 28th, you had three appointments. You missed all of them. Tuesday, the 29th, you disappeared after lunch. And, Wednesday, well, here you are. You did your entire week's work in one afternoon.

GUS:
It was a crazy week.

OGLETREE:
Seems to me you had a crazy year. I have taken the liberty of preparing this for you. (slides a piece of paper across the desk)

GUS:
(picks up paper) What is this?

OGLETREE:
It's a termination notice. Or you could quit your other job. You tell me.

GUS passes the letter back to OGLETREE.

OGLETREE:
Good choice!

**********************************************************************
PSYCH

“Ghosts”
By
Steve Franks

STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen

DIRECTOR
Stephen Surjik

**********************************************************************


INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN and MADDIE walk through the station.

MADDIE:
Shawn, you don't have to walk me through the whole building. I used to do quite a few sessions here. This is where I met your father.

SHAWN:
I know. I heard the story. He did his evaluation after he shot some drug dealer.

MADDIE:
He told you that? He twisted his ankle doing security for the Cinnamon Festival. I had to clear him for duty.

SHAWN:
(scoffs) Figures, that's about par.

MADDIE:
What happened? He said the two of you were getting along better.

SHAWN:
Mom, the last thing I wanna do right now is talk about Henry.

MADDIE:
Okay, that's fair. Let's talk about you. (stops) Who is that date you had to cancel on Friday?

SHAWN:
(stops and turns to face MADDIE) Ah, it was just some girl I met. She's a museum curator. It's not a big deal, Mom. I doubt it would have worked out anyway.

MADDIE:
How many dates?

SHAWN:
That would have been the first.

MADDIE:
Shawn.

SHAWN:
Mom.

MADDIE:
Come on, Goose. Whenever we talk, you're always about to not go on a second date with somebody new.

SHAWN:
I happen to be excellent at first dates. You know who is having multiple dates? Dad. I believe he's up to number eight with his Jekyll and Hyde English girlfriend.

MADDIE:
You guys should connect more often. He told me they broke it off a few weeks ago. We're talking about him again.

SHAWN:
Yes, we are. Let's stop. I should let you go. (kisses MADDIE on the cheek) How many of these do you have to do, anyway?

MADDIE:
Oh, three uniforms and a detective.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

LASSITER is standing in front of VICK’S desk, holding her glass fish, when VICK enters.

LASSITER:
Oh, you, uh, you wanted to see me, Chief?

VICK:
Yes. (walks around to her chair) It has come to my attention, Detective, that you've discharged your weapons in the last four cases you've worked.

LASSITER:
Thank you.

VICK:
That wasn't a compliment.

LASSITER:
I'm just trying to keep the streets safe, Chief.

VICK:
(crosses arms) The last incident was at a cat show.

LASSITER:
Well, let me just go on record as saying that I would never shoot a cat.

VICK:
(sits) I guess I could find some solace in that.

LASSITER:
Unless it was approaching in a threatening manner, or refused to stop upon my command. I would probably just fire a warning shot to make my point, but it's really a field decision. I can't commit to it at this juncture. (crosses arms)

VICK:
(sighs) I've requested a department-sanctioned psychologist to come here and have a session or two with you.

LASSITER:
I'm just gonna have to say no.

VICK:
That wasn't a question.

LASSITER:
Could you phrase it like one?

INT. CENTRAL COAST, ATRIUM, DAY

GUS walks towards the center of the atrium. He passes the small group at the water cooler, greeting them by name. One of them is SHAWN and he’s eating pasta.

GUS:
Hey, Katie. Kathy. Shawn. (turns around) Shawn? (grabs SHAWN by the arm and pulls him away) What the hell are you doing here?

SHAWN:
I should ask you the same question.

GUS:
I work here.

SHAWN:
(sets down pasta) Okay, I should ask you a different question. Why didn't you return my calls all weekend?

GUS:
Shawn, I had no other choice about all of this.

SHAWN:
Oh, my God. This isn't a joke. You're really quitting Psych?

GUS:
I'm so sorry, Shawn.

SHAWN:
In a text message, no less?

GUS:
I couldn't think of any other way to tell you. I knew you would just try to convince me to stay. Listen, maybe we could still do it on the weekends.

SHAWN:
If you're ready to hear some good news, I have worked out a compromise that will solve all of this.

GUS:
Really?

SHAWN:
Yes. You quit this job. This job you quit! We take on extra cases to make up the difference in salary.

GUS:
I make 48 grand a year, Shawn.

SHAWN:
What is that? Yen? Who needs $48,000 to live?

GUS:
I need 32. The other 16 generally goes to you.

SHAWN:
Don't be ridiculous.

GUS:
I claimed you on my taxes, Shawn! Holy crap. (sees pasta and picks up bowl) Is this Bianca's pappardelle?

SHAWN:
Mmm-hmm, I found it in the kitchen fridge.

GUS:
Oh, my gosh, she's gonna go insane. She hand rolls her pasta every weekend, Shawn. They take all day. She grinds her own spices, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Well, I thought it was for everybody.

GUS:
(sees a woman approaching) Crap! (hides pasta bowl inside copier drawer)

BIANCA:
Burton?

GUS:
Bianca.

BIANCA:
Paul would like to see you.

GUS:
Mr. Haversham? Really? Lovely. I'll be there in a second.

BIANCA:
Okay. (walks away)

SHAWN and GUS watch her leave.

SHAWN:
What does she do?

GUS:
She's Haversham's secretary.

SHAWN:
Is Haversham the guy who tried to fire you?

GUS:
No, he's that guy's boss. Everybody's boss. He's the VP.

SHAWN:
Perfect. He's the one we have to convince to let you keep doing both jobs.

GUS:
But…

SHAWN:
I need a second. I'm gonna clean my teeth before we go in.

GUS:
No, no, no, Shawn. You're leaving now.

SHAWN:
Gus, I'm not budging until we make this nice.

GUS:
(unbuttons jacket) All right, but you asked for it.

SHAWN:
(looks GUS up and down) Asked for what?

GUS wraps his arms around SHAWN’S waist and tries to lift him.

SHAWN:
Let go of me!

SHAWN tries to get some leverage, even grabbing at the water fountain as they pass. When that doesn’t work, he simply goes limp.

GUS:
Don't you dare go boneless on me, Shawn! (starts to lose grip on SHAWN) Okay! (reaches a hand to his back) Lower back.

SHAWN:
(stands in concern) You see? That's why it's not…

GUS tries again.

SHAWN:
Oh! You son of a bitch!

As GUS carries and pushes SHAWN down the corridor, SHAWN grabs for the railing. He finally lies face-down on the floor, forcing GUS to drag him.

INT. CENTRAL COAST, HAVERSHAM’S OFFICE, DAY

HAVERSHAM lowers the newspaper he was reading to see a disheveled GUS.

GUS:
You wanted to see me?

HAVERSHAM:
Yes, I did. I have a project for you. Have a seat.

GUS:
(sees a picture of HAVERSHAM and an older woman on his desk) Is that your wife?

HAVERSHAM:
It's my grandmother.

GUS:
Tell her I said she's lovely.

HAVERSHAM:
She died.

GUS:
I'm going to sit down now. (sits)

HAVERSHAM:
Lots of talk about this in the office. (tosses newspaper onto desk)

GUS:
(straightens collar and tie) Yes, sir, I'm aware of that and I've already taken care of it.

HAVERSHAM:
I don't think you have. When my wife and I moved into our house, we were met with a series of unexplained disturbances. Perhaps fueled by my wife's predilection for the supernatural. Well, after a while, it stopped. But recently, these occurrences have returned. To the point where my wife is staying with her mother.

GUS:
Mr. Haversham, why are you telling me this?

HAVERSHAM:
Because I believe my wife believes our house is haunted. And I would like to hire you.

At that moment, SHAWN enters the room, lowering an empty glass from his ear.

SHAWN:
Gus, I had a strange feeling I was need. (pretends to sip from the empty glass)

GUS looks nervously at HAVERSHAM.

INT. CENTRAL COAST, HALL, DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk down the hall. GUS is holding a folder.

SHAWN:
Cool, eh? Looks like word getting out about you moonlighting isn't the worst thing in the worid.

GUS:
Let's be clear. Haversham is the most powerful man in this office. He's gonna be running this company sometime soon. Give the man the respect he deserves. (hands SHAWN a paper from the folder)

SHAWN:
What is this?

GUS:
His company bio. Learn it.

SHAWN:
(reads) "Bred for Success"?

GUS:
His father is William Haversham, genius entrepreneur. This guy grew up under the tutelage of a business master and real estate magnate.

SHAWN:
I know him. He's the one that built the Poliodome.

GUS:
Polodome.

They exit the building.

EXT. CENTRAL COAST, DAY

SHAWN:
That's a much less depressing name. Shouldn't we go?

GUS:
No. Meet me at Haversham's at 7:00.

SHAWN:
I think I can handle that.

GUS:
And no whimpering. And no screaming. No running from anything. I don't care how spooky his old house is. Haversham thinks my nickname is Fearless Guster.

SHAWN walks away.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

LASSITER is sitting tensely on the couch, arms crossed. MADDIE is sitting in a nearby armchair, relaxed.

LASSITER:
Well, do you want to start some sort of recording device?

MADDIE:
No, I don't record my sessions. I prefer just to talk.

LASSITER:
How do you remember the important things?

MADDIE:
You've heard of a photographic memory? Well, I have a bit of… I guess you'd call it an eidetic tonal memory.

LASSITER:
So you'll remember everything I've said?

MADDIE:
Pretty much, yes. Would you like to start?

LASSITER:
Yes. First question: where's the bug?

MADDIE:
The what?

LASSITER:
The bug. (looks around and checks under the table) Nothing new in this area. Must be concealed on your person.

MADDIE:
I honestly don't have anything on me.

LASSITER:
Then you wouldn't be opposed to me patting you down.

MADDIE:
Actually, I'm very opposed to that.

LASSITER:
Would you be willing to submit to a polygraph?

EXT. HAVERSHAM’S, NIGHT

GUS pulls into the driveway. HAVERSHAM’S house is large and well-lit.

INT. ECHO, NIGHT

GUS puts the car in park and takes out his phone to dial SHAWN.

GUS:
Shawn, don't do this to me. You're late. At this moment, you are officially late! (sees a shadow at an upstairs window) Just call me when you get here. (ends call)

GUS exhales and gets out of the car.

EXT. HAVERSHAM’S, NIGHT

GUS slowly walks up to the front door. He knocks and the doors open with a creak. GUS enters nervously.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, HALL, NIGHT

GUS cautiously peers around the corner.

GUS:
Hello?

GUS walks slowly down the hall. Behind him, a figure in white crosses the hall. GUS turns but misses the figure.

GUS:
Is somebody there? (voice squeaks at the end)

GUS heads back the way he came.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, MASTER BEDROOM, NIGHT

GUS enters slowly. There are candles lit and a lamp on the bedside table. As GUS goes deeper into the room, the hooded figure comes up behind him. It lowers the hood and we see it is SHAWN. He blows air at the back of GUS’ head. GUS gasps as he ducks.

SHAWN:
I just heard you squeak. (he is wearing HAVERSHAM’S silk robe)

GUS:
Damn you, Shawn. I thought you were a ghost from outside.

SHAWN:
And yet you still came in, all by your lonesome. Fearless Guster impresses. (heads for the bed)

GUS:
How did you get inside the house?

SHAWN:
Hadewych, the housekeeper. She was leaving, so she let me in. Tiny little dollop of a woman, Dutch-Indonesian. Enormous forearms. She made me a pannekoek. It's like a pancake but it is the size of a manhole cover. (lies on the bed)

GUS:
Are you wearing Haversham's robe?

SHAWN:
Yep. You should try it. The worm that spins this silk is extinct. You can't find these.

GUS:
Take it off.

SHAWN:
I can't.

In the distance, we hear a door open.

HAVERSHAM:
(calls) Hello?

GUS:
Where are your clothes?

SHAWN:
In the dryer.

GUS:
In the dryer?

SHAWN:
Well, the sauna was a little bit hotter than I was expecting.

GUS grabs him and pulls him off the bed.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, KITCHEN, NIGHT

HAVERSHAM is pouring hot cocoa from a white china teapot. SHAWN and GUS enter. SHAWN is wearing his clothes over the robe.

GUS:
Mr. Haversham, we got here early.

SHAWN:
(shakes HAVERSHAM’S hand) Hadewych let us in. We love her, and we'd like one of our own.

HAVERSHAM:
(sees what SHAWN is wearing) Is that an ascot?

SHAWN:
Yes. Yes, it is.

HAVERSHAM:
I like it. It's a classic accoutrement. It's nice to see someone with a sense of tradition.

SHAWN:
Gus and I are both huge fans of the classics. To be completely honest I'm surprised he isn't wearing his spats this evening. Can we see the epicenter of the ghoulish activity?

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, STUDY, NIGHT

HAVERSHAM leads SHAWN and GUS into his study.

HAVERSHAM:
Please don't touch anything.

SHAWN:
I'm sorry, Mr. Haversham, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to touch absolutely everything. Including this naked lady lamp. (presses finger against lamp) I also might have to sniff some stuff. Possibly lick some things. These Tootsie Roll Pops come to mind. (picks up a pop and hands it to GUS who puts it back) Are you a skeptic, sir?

HAVERSHAM:
Elaine's the real believer so I guess you could say that.

SHAWN:
Just as I thought. Please leave.

HAVERSHAM:
What?

GUS:
Shawn!

SHAWN:
I'm sorry, sir. You are a skeptic. Therefore, you must wait in the hall, preferably at the end. You're killing all of my jujubes.

HAVERSHAM:
(scoffs and heads for the door) Jujubes are candies.

SHAWN:
Exactly.

HAVERSHAM leaves. SHAWN begins to explore the room.

GUS:
You better take off that robe.

SHAWN:
(sits in an easy chair by the fireplace) I will.

GUS:
And I know what you're trying to do.

SHAWN:
What, innocently flip through a photo album?

GUS:
No, you're sabotaging this on purpose.

SHAWN sees HAVERSHAM’S graduation picture with his grandmother. She has her arm around him and SHAWN notices the large ring on her finger.

SHAWN:
Why would I do that?

GUS:
To get me fired so I have no other choice but to go back Psych.

SHAWN then sees pictures from HAVERSHAM’S engagement party. His grandmother looks on proudly.

SHAWN:
That's actually an ingenious plan. But that's not how I play, Gus. I play fair, and I roll hard. I'm gonna find this man's ghost, and I will rid him of it. (closes album and picks up a framed photo) Did Haversham have any enemies?

The framed photo is from the wedding toast. The wife is not wearing his grandmother’s ring.

GUS:
Not really. Corporate thinks he's a magician. He completely revamped our inventory system.

SHAWN:
Really? Whole system, from A to Z, including M? All the vowels? This guy sounds like a real maverick.

SHAWN checks the list of incoming calls on the phone. One is “B. Takahamo”. There are lots of doctors on the list as well.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, KITCHEN, NIGHT

HAVERSHAM is having his cocoa and reading the paper. A German Shepherd lies on a rug in the corner. SHAWN and GUS enter. SHAWN is no longer wearing the robe.

GUS:
Mr. Haversham, allow me to say this is my most valuable work experience yet.

HAVERSHAM:
(stands) Well. Allow me to say that I'm not impressed.

GUS:
Duly noted.

The dog whines and then starts barking. The three men look at it.

SHAWN:
Whoa!

HAVERSHAM:
Magnum! Quiet, boy! Stop that! Quiet, boy! (goes over to Magnum who seems to be barking at the walls)

GUS:
What is he barking at?

HAVERSHAM:
I don't know. He never barks. (takes the dog by the collar) Come on, boy. Come on. Come on, that's it. Here we go. (takes Magnum out of the room)

SHAWN:
(turns to GUS) Dude, look at you. You were cool as a cucumber while that went down. Fearless Guster's a badass. Let's check the basement.

GUS:
I can't.

SHAWN:
Why not?

GUS:
My feet won't move.

INT. SBPD, HALL, NIGHT

LASSITER exits VICK’S office and JULIET hurries over to meet him.

JULIET:
So how did it go?

LASSITER:
I'm winning.

JULIET:
How are you winning?

LASSITER:
I answered every question in character as Tom "Gunny" Highway.

JULIET:
Who is Tom "Gunny" Highway?

LASSITER:
Clint Eastwood's character in Heartbreak Ridge?

JULIET:
(groan) It's not a contest, Carlton.

LASSITER:
(puts a hand on her arm) Don't kid yourself, O'Hara, you'll only come out losing. (walks away)

JULIET:
Losing what?

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, HALL, NIGHT

SHAWN and GUS make their way to the basement.

GUS:
Why are we going to the basement?

SHAWN:
Because, Gus, that's where ghosts do their thing. It's cold and dark and dusty.

SHAWN and GUS start down the stairs.

HAVERSHAM:
Excuse me. Can I help you two? (he’s holding a china cup)

SHAWN:
Yeah, we're just gonna check out the basement.

HAVERSHAM:
We don't go to the basement.

GUS:
He doesn't go to the basement.

SHAWN:
Why is that?

HAVERSHAM:
Mold spores. My wife had some workers here. You can get to the door, but you can't get in, 'cause it's bolted shut.

SHAWN:
I still think it's probably worth... (sniffs) Is that hot chocolate?

HAVERSHAM:
It's Dutch cocoa. Hadewych makes a pot for me each night before she leaves.

SHAWN:
I see. Mr. Haversham, in order to fully understand the connection that you have with this ghost, I will need to see what you see, wear what you wear, drink what you drink.

HAVERSHAM:
You're saying you'd like some hot chocolate.

SHAWN:
Yes. With marshmallows, please.

HAVERSHAM:
Right.

GUS knocks his shoulder into SHAWN’S before following HAVERSHAM.

SHAWN:
What? It's Dutch.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, STUDY, NIGHT

SHAWN and GUS are sipping cocoa.

SHAWN:
Tastes like it was dipped straight out of Willy Wonka's river.

GUS:
Would you get serious?

SHAWN:
Well, he's not the most gracious host, you know. If he'd just offered, I wouldn't have had to ask. And that pannekoek, not nearly as filling as it may have seemed.

SHAWN looks through the window behind GUS, mouth open, the cocoa spills to the floor.

GUS:
(rights the cup) You're getting hot chocolate on the floor!

Still staring out the window, SHAWN puts the cup down. GUS turns around to see what he’s looking at. They peer through the blinds. Outside, a figure dressed in a white gown and holding a lamp crosses the lawn.

SHAWN:
Did you see that?

GUS drops his cocoa. HAVERSHAM hurries down the stairs and over to the window.

HAVERSHAM:
What the hell is... (sees the figure)

As the three of them stare out the window as the figure passes the other way, Magnum jumps up onto the window, barking.

HAVERSHAM:
Magnum! Down, boy!

SHAWN:
(whispers) That dog is kind of an “A” hole.

GUS:
(whispers) It sees something.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Yeah. Urine stains on my pants.

HAVERSHAM:
So, what do we do now?

SHAWN:
I think we stay here. We close the blinds, we lock the doors, we call it a night. (to GUS) Del Taco? (to HAVERSHAM) Del Taco?

GUS:
No, not me. I'm going out there. (turns)

SHAWN:
(grabs GUS’ arm) Are you kidding me?

GUS:
Shawn, this is what we do.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Yeah, but there's a ghost out there, so would you cut the...

GUS:
We need to do this…

SHAWN:
Okay, fine. (to HAVERSHAM) Do you have high-end, energy-efficient xenon flashlights?

EXT. HAVERSHAM’S, GROUNDS, NIGHT

GUS and SHAWN runs across the grounds following the figure. They come to a stop, panting.

SHAWN:
Pardon me for saying so, but Fearless Guster sucks.

GUS:
I don't care what you say, we're solving this case. So suck it up.

SHAWN:
Suck what up?

GUS:
What are you talking about?

SHAWN:
What are you talking about?

GUS:
I don't know. You got my mind all messed up.

SHAWN:
(motions to the right) I'm going that direction.

GUS:
(motions to the left) She went that way.

SHAWN:
Good luck. (runs off)

GUS:
What--

GUS nervously turns in a slow circle. A beam of light approaches from the direction they came. It is HAVERSHAM.

HAVERSHAM:
Hey, it's me. Not letting you do this alone. (looks around) Where is he?

GUS shushes him.

SHAWN:
(shouts from off-screen) I got her!

GUS and HAVERSHAM run over to SHAWN. They stop, stunned.

GUS:
What do you mean you got her?

SHAWN groans as he fights yards of material. He stands to find he only has a white gown.

GUS:
What is going on here?

SHAWN:
(panting) I don't know.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

LASSITER and MADDIE are in the same positions as they day before.

MADDIE:
I realized something. Yesterday, with all that talk about weapons, I neglected to ask you a very important question. What kind of gun do you carry?

LASSITER:
Would you like to see it?

MADDIE:
I would love to.

LASSITER:
(smiles, leans forward and takes his gun from its holster) Picked this up with a little extra cash after I decided not to go with a divorce attorney. (takes out magazine and shows off gun)

MADDIE:
You're going through a separation?

LASSITER:
Well, yeah. Yeah, it's... She went with one of these high-powered ambulance chasers but, uh, that's just her insecurities, you know.

MADDIE:
You know who you remind me of?

LASSITER:
Who?

MADDIE:
Did you ever see that movie Heartbreak Ridge?

LASSITER doesn’t know what to say.

EXT. HAVERSHAM’S, DAY

SHAWN opens a window to the basement and peers in. All he can see is a storage space with boxes and crates. GUS, standing beside him, knocks on the window pane.

GUS:
Mold spores, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Well, I'm attracted to places I'm not allowed to go.

GUS:
Good luck with your stachybotros virus.

SHAWN:
(stands) Listen, man, we need to wrap this up quickly. I have dinner plans with my mom tonight. I've hardly had a chance to see her at all. (vapor comes out of his mouth as he speaks)

GUS:
(stares) Shawn.

HADEWYCH comes outside behind GUS to take out the garbage.

SHAWN:
What? Hadewych!

HADEWYCH drops the garbage in shock as she sees the vapor from SHAWN’S mouth.

SHAWN:
It's okay, I'm Shawn Spencer. It's me and my partner, Lemongrass Gogoloab. Have you noticed anything strange?

HADEWYCH:
Only now.

SHAWN:
We saw a woman in the woods last night that may not have been alive.

HADEWYCH puts her hands up before peering inside the kitchen window. Coast clear, she faces SHAWN.

HADEWYCH:
Saturday, the missus, she leave. Go to mother's, yes? Sunday, I forget my bag, come back. I hear voices, lady voices in the house.

SHAWN:
What did you do?

HADEWYCH:
I leave. Too much strangeness here lately. (goes back inside)

GUS:
Something's off with that woman, Shawn.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT

GUS is sitting on a chair facing SHAWN on the sofa. SHAWN is nervously tapping his fingers and looks at the clock.

SHAWN:
(stands) Okay, nothing's happening. I gotta go.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
Gus, we made plans. My dad has been manipulating her time all week.

GUS:
(stands) Shawn, let me be clear. I'm not leaving here until Haversham not only wants me to keep moonlighting at Psych forever but also makes me a partner.

HAVERSHAM comes down the stairs.

SHAWN:
Sorry, buddy. (reaches for his helmet)

HAVERSHAM:
Wai-wait, what's this? Are you leaving?

SHAWN:
Mr. Haversham, it is my belief that we have done all there is to do here tonight.

The lights flicker.

SHAWN:
(continues like nothing happened) Tomorrow, we will look into the history of the house, see if there's anything there that can help us.

More lights flicker. GUS and HAVERSHAM watch them before turning back to SHAWN.

SHAWN:
Just don't have any leads at this point.

All the lights flicker.

SHAWN:
So! I think we should all pat each other on the backs for a job well done so far, reconvene first thing in the morning for a nice farmer's breakfast.

The lights throughout the house flicker.

SHAWN:
I have dinner plans with my mother.

The lights go out.

INT. RESTAURANT, NIGHT

SHAWN enters the restaurant just as MADDIE is walking past.

MADDIE:
(hugs him) Oh, you made it. Oh, I was sure you weren't gonna make it.

SHAWN:
(ends hug) I'm sorry, Ma. You have no idea the day I just had.

MADDIE:
Well, I'm just running to the ladies’. We're right over there. (motions behind her)

SHAWN:
We?

MADDIE:
Oh, your father was lonely and I thought I might have to eat dinner alone, so I let him tag along. That's fine, right?

SHAWN:
You're absolutely certain he's my father?

MADDIE groans and playfully slaps SHAWN on the chest before continuing to the ladies’ room. SHAWN smiles as she leaves before looking over to the table where HENRY is. The smile leaves his face and he walks over to the table. HENRY is wearing a suit and tie. He’s already eating.

HENRY:
Oh! Hey, Shawn. Grab a menu. We already ordered. I'm sure it's all right.

SHAWN:
All right, what is this?

HENRY:
What is what?

SHAWN:
This. (motions to take in HENRY) What is all of this? The aftershave, the pumiced scalp, the suit.

HENRY:
I can wear a suit.

SHAWN:
Which one of the three tenors did you borrow that from? Not the dead one, I hope.

HENRY:
It's my suit, Shawn. I dress up occasionally. You have a problem with that?

SHAWN:
No. (sits) I have a problem with this pretend Henry that showed up when Mom got to town.

HENRY:
I don't know where you're going with this. (wipes mouth with napkin)

SHAWN:
You're acting like a phony, and you know it, and it's bugging the hell out of me. Look at yourself!

HENRY:
Shawn, I order a braised quail salad and all of a sudden, you think I'm putting on airs?

WAITER:
Excuse me, who here has the guinea hen crostone with the liver pancetta?

HENRY:
(raises hand)That would be me.

SHAWN scoffs as the waiter places the dish on the table in front of HENRY.

HENRY:
(to SHAWN) Everybody here is ordering it.

SHAWN:
Look, I'm, uh... I'm just gonna make this easier for both of us, okay? I know exactly what you're up to and I'm not gonna let it happen.

HENRY:
Let what happen, Shawn? Yeah, if you don't mind my saying so, you've been a real jerk to me all week. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that your mother was coming back into town. I'm sorry you think that I messed up your whole youth. I'm sorry you think that I screwed up your life. Get over it. (slams hand on table)

SHAWN:
(stands) You had your chance. Now leave her alone. (walks away)

HENRY:
Shawn...

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT

GUS and HAVERSHAM are in the living room. GUS is sitting on the couch as HAVERSHAM paces nervously.

GUS:
Did you know that Ogletree raises carrier pigeons?

The phone rings and HAVERSHAM answers.

HAVERSHAM:
Hello? Hello? (hangs up then turns to GUS) That's strange.

GUS:
Who called?

HAVERSHAM:
Me.

GUS:
(stands) You?

The phone rings again. They look at the caller ID.

HAVERSHAM:
There it is again. That's my number.

GUS:
From work?

HAVERSHAM:
No, from here.

GUS:
The call is coming from inside the house? Put it on speaker.

HAVERSHAM does so and all they can hear is indistinct whispering.

HAVERSHAM:
Hello? Who is this?

GUS:
Does this number have any other extensions?

HAVERSHAM:
No. Well, there's one, but it's not plugged in.

GUS:
Where is it? I'll go check it out.

HAVERSHAM:
Up in the attic.

GUS:
The attic?

GUS looks like he wants to run in the opposite direction.

HAVERSHAM:
I'll stay on the line. You… Good luck.

GUS strides to the stairs. He slows and looks over his shoulder at HAVERSHAM before continuing on.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, HALL, NIGHT

At the top of the stairs, GUS hugs the banister and looks up the next flight towards the attic. He gathers himself and heads up the stairs that creak slightly.

INT. HAVERSHAM’S, ATTIC, NIGHT

GUS creeps towards a closed door and presses his ear against it, hearing the whispers. His hand trembles slightly as he grips the doorknob and opens it. He walks in and sees SHAWN sitting in a chair, a phone in his hand. SHAWN switches off the phone.

SHAWN:
Come on, don't be mad.

GUS:
You haunted my boss's house?

SHAWN:
It was the only way to show him how important and need you are. Look how brave you've been. If we're being honest, I think this has been a real confidence booster for you, buddy. Plus, once you solve the case, you're a hero, he never bothers you again. Maybe you'll get a numbered space in the green lot.

GUS:
Shawn, stop it. How did you even…

SHAWN:
(shushes) Gus. Friday, after you quit our business, I went to your office in hopes of haunting your Regional Sales Manager. Uh, Ogletree. Unfortunately, he doesn't believe in ghosts, so I had to go a little higher on the rung. [flash to SHAWN at Central Coast walking with a woman] Luckily for me, Katie from Accounts Receivable gave me a little tip about Haversham's wife. [in basement of house] Finally got to use my air conditioner and heating guy disguise. I had an ultrasonic beeper in my pocket for the dog. [Magnum in the kitchen barking] I actually thought you caught that one for a second. And, dude, hear me. [outside with vapor coming from his mouth] Don't ever, ever put dry ice in your mouth. It doesn't matter how well you wrap it up.

GUS:
Okay, what about the old woman?

SHAWN:
Young woman. She does Shakespeare in the Parking Lot down at the Albertson's by La Cumbre Plaza. [talks with her in the parking lot] She was all stoked to finally have a paying gig. Oh, and ditching the dress in the woods? Well, that was just an improv, because who knew Fearless Guster would come after her, you badass. The rest of it was pretty simple, really. I even visited Alice Bundy in prison to get a few pointers. [doctors the electrics]

GUS:
How do we solve it?

SHAWN:
Solve what?

GUS:
The ghost. How do we solve a case where you're the culprit?

SHAWN:
That is a very good question. I hadn't thought that far ahead.

GUS:
You haven't thought that far ahead?

SHAWN:
Well, give me a second.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

LASSITER is lying down on the couch describing a dream breakthrough.

LASSITER:
I'm hiding under the towel. And then I realize the towel's my life, and the pool is third grade, and the high dive is my father. (watch beeps and he sits up) Wow! Oh, wow, (puts gun back in holster) I... I poured out to you secrets even I didn't know I had. That was...amazing! I mean, it's so... liberating to-- to trust someone with your darkest innermost secrets. Where have you been? Why haven't you been here before? (puts on shoes)

MADDIE:
Oh, I used to be here quite a bit. I just recently came back. I know someone here who works for the department occasionally. Actually, he's my son.

LASSITER:
Really? Oh, you know, I know pretty much everybody who comes through the department. What's his name?

MADDIE:
Shawn Spencer.

LASSITER’S face falls.

INT. CENTRAL COAST, HAVERSHAM’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are reporting to HAVERSHAM about the case.

SHAWN:
Ghost gone. (makes “poof” motion with hands)

HAVERSHAM:
Just like that?

SHAWN:
Just like that. It's split. It's history. Will not be bothering you again. And that is a guarantee.

GUS:
100%.

HAVERSHAM:
How can you guarantee?

SHAWN:
Please don't ask. Just enjoy. And now, regarding our fee--

GUS shoves SHAWN with his arm.

SHAWN:
Of course, there will be no charge. Knowing that you appreciate the work that Gus does for the community…

GUS:
And for the company.

SHAWN:
It's more than enough reward. But if you were to insist on some sort of expense reimbursement, we, of course, would not accept.

HAVERSHAM:
Please, have a seat.

SHAWN and GUS sit.

HAVERSHAM:
I have a bit of the sixth sense myself, Mr. Guster. Helps me out when a business deal's about to go south. And it's bothering me right now. I don't understand this guarantee, and I don't like it. Last night, when that call came in, Guster, you went upstairs. At the end of that call, I heard something that made me question all of this.

SHAWN:
What was it?

HAVERSHAM:
It was the voice. Something was wrong with it.

SHAWN:
(leans forward) What was wrong with it?

HAVERSHAM:
It said "Gus."

SHAWN:
Gus?

HAVERSHAM:
Just like that.

SHAWN:
Well, sir, uh, I'm pretty sure that that can be easily explained.

HAVERSHAM:
(stands and walks to the door) Yes, I'm sure that it can. But there's something I really need for you to do for me right now.

GUS and SHAWN stand.

GUS:
Yes?

HAVERSHAM:
Leave. And, Mr. Guster, I will carefully ponder my next move and your future with the company.

HAVERSHAM opens the door to reveal OGLETREE waiting outside.

OGLETREE:
Let's talk, Burton.

GUS walks out into the hall and OGLETREE pulls him aside. SHAWN walks to the door and stops in front of HAVERSHAM.

SHAWN:
Well, thank you for your time, Mr. Haversham. I'm sorry you don't believe me. But I do understand.

SHAWN holds out his hand, and, after a pause, HAVERSHAM shakes it. His hand begins to shake and he pulls it away from HAVERSHAM’S.

SHAWN:
Can we speak privately?

Out in the hall, GUS shakes his head.

HAVERSHAM:
(to OGLETREE) Just one second. (shuts door) What's your game? (walks over and leans against the front of his desk)

SHAWN:
(wipes hand against chest) I have two games. Red Rover and lawn darts. (walks towards HAVERSHAM) We'd need at least four for even the most rudimentary game of Rover and they don't make lawn darts anymore. Too dangerous. But that's not why I'm here. I sensed several things in that house that I couldn't tell you with other people in the room.

HAVERSHAM:
This is getting desperate, Mr. Spencer, but, please, wow me.

SHAWN:
You weren't raised by your father. (puts hands to head and remembers photos) You were raised by your grandmother. It was her ring. Her ring that your wife wears now.

HAVERSHAM:
Okay, perhaps my father wasn't as present as I'd hoped and, yes, my wife wears my grandmother's ring. That doesn't mean anything.

SHAWN:
Maybe not to you, but the sanctity of marriage means a lot to your grandmother, and having an affair with, what? A secretary? That just feels wrong. No matter how good her pappardelle is.

HAVERSHAM:
And just what the hell are you accusing me of?

SHAWN remembers that the china HAVERSHAM used for his hot cocoa was the same that BIANCA used for her pappardelle. He also remembers HADEWYCH hearing a woman’s voice at the house when the wife was gone.

SHAWN:
No accusations here. I'm just telling you, your grandmother is very disappointed in you. And she doesn't want you to go to jail.

HAVERSHAM:
Well, nothing you've accused me of is illegal.

SHAWN remembers GUS singing HAVERSHAM’S praises how he revamped the whole inventory system. He also recalls the boxes he saw in the basement.

SHAWN:
Repackaging samples and reselling them, while lucrative, is highly illegal.

HAVERSHAM:
So what is this now? A shakedown?

SHAWN:
No, there's no shakedown. I'm just telling you what I know. I'm a psychic, and with great power comes great responsibility. And that responsibility I share with Gus. (points towards the door) All we want is the opportunity to continue doing our work.

HAVERSHAM:
Just between us?

SHAWN:
I'm a psychic. I can't lie.

They shake hands.

INT. CENTRAL COAST, HALL, DAY

HAVERSHAM opens the door and he steps out followed by SHAWN.

HAVERSHAM:
Mr. Guster, back to work. As per our conversation, your raise will be reflected in your next check.

OGLETREE:
(scoffs) Uh, I'm sorry, I'm confused.

HAVERSHAM:
Spend a little more time on your own business, Frankjim. (slaps OGLETREE on the arm) Excuse me. (goes back into his office and shuts the door)

SHAWN:
(to OGLETREE) I know about you too.

SHAWN and GUS walk away down the hall.

SHAWN:
His hair is horrible.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN walks down the hall and meets up with MADDIE.

SHAWN:
She who bore me.

They hug.

MADDIE:
What are you doing here, Goose?

SHAWN:
Oh, I finished working on my case. And I had this amazing idea that I would come by and scoop you up, and take you to a movie, and it would just be us.

MADDIE:
Actually, your dad was planning on coming by.

SHAWN:
Of course he was. Okay, I'll go. (turns to leave)

MADDIE:
(grabs SHAWN’S arm) Wait. Enough. What happened?

SHAWN:
When?

MADDIE:
Between you two.

SHAWN:
(scoffs) Mom, that is a veritable lifetime of conversations.

MADDIE:
Follow me. (pulls SHAWN by the arm down the hall)

SHAWN:
No, Mom! Mom, come on.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

MADDIE opens the door, pulling SHAWN in behind her.

SHAWN:
My God.

MADDIE whirls SHAWN around so he’s in front of the couch.

MADDIE:
Sit!

SHAWN:
Are we really gonna do this?

MADDIE:
Sit down! (puts hands in his shoulders, pushing him down)

SHAWN:
(sits) Okay.

MADDIE:
What happened? Don't mince words.

SHAWN:
With Dad? Mom, we were both there. You know, we don't need to revisit the past.

MADDIE:
Maybe we do.

SHAWN:
Well, I'm not sure I wanna forgive him for what happened.

MADDIE:
The divorce?

SHAWN:
It wasn't what happened, Mom. It was the way that it happened. (leans forward) I mean, let's call it what it was. He left us. He left you. (angrily) He ended up with the house, and he left you by yourself to pick up the pieces! That's not exactly what I call hero material, you know?

MADDIE:
Shawn, I left him.

SHAWN:
(laughs) Come on, Mom. You don't have to spin this for me, okay? (rests head in palms)

MADDIE:
Let me be clear. (stands and walks across the room) Your father was wonderful to me. He wanted to keep going to counseling, he kept saying we could make it, but the writing was on the wall a long time.

SHAWN:
You're losing me here, Mom. What are you...

MADDIE:
(walks back and sits) When I got that job out of town, it was an incredible opportunity. I was afraid I would never have a chance again, so I took it. You were into your senior year. Your path was set. (tears fall down her cheeks) It seemed the right time, if such a thing is possible. I thought, of all people, that you would be okay. And I am so sorry.

SHAWN:
(takes MADDIE’S hand) Mom, you don't ever have to be sorry. About anything.

MADDIE:
Don't you spin this. Sometimes I get the worst realizations. I know. I know that I failed you, but I think that day, my life began again. And that sounds terrible, but don't you ever think I wanted to leave you.

SHAWN looks out the office window and sees HENRY enter the station dressed in a nice shirt. He sees HENRY check himself in a mirror and straighten his collar. He turns and sees SHAWN and MADDIE and holds up his hand in a small wave.