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18 July 2013 @ 09:51 am
Transcript: 2x8 Rob-a-Bye Baby  



1987

INT. SPENCER HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY

HENRY and SHAWN are sitting at the table over breakfast. HENRY is explaining something rather emphatically.

HENRY:
So then this, um, guy with pliers comes in, probably with safety goggles, maybe some sort of fire retardant cover all. He starts doing his thing, twisting and turning. There's all sorts of fluids just spraying all over the place. Then this hydraulic lift comes into play, wheeling everything out of there. There you have it. All right? Let's clean up.

SHAWN:
Wait. That's how babies are born?

HENRY:
Yes?

SHAWN:
With a hydraulic lift?

HENRY:
More or less.

SHAWN:
But how are they made?

HENRY:
Uh, Shawn, more important question, how many hats are in the room?

SHAWN:
None. How are they made?

HENRY:
Hats? Nowadays, I hear most of them are made in China. Let's go. (stands)

SHAWN:
Forget it. (stands and walks away) Maybe I'll go ask Mom.

HENRY:
(grabs SHAWN’S shirt and pulls him back) D... don't, no! No. Wait, wait, come back here. Come back here, come back here. (thinks) All right. Tuck in your shirt before you talk to her.

SHAWN sighs as he turns around, tucking in his shirt.

PRESENT DAY

EXT. SBPD, DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk through the parking lot.

SHAWN:
All right, tell me exactly what she said. Use her words.

GUS:
She said, "Hello, this is Chief Vick."

SHAWN:
It's a good start, Gus. I love it when she says that.

GUS:
"I have something big to talk to you about. It's top secret. Come down to the station as soon as you can."

SHAWN:
Do you realize what this means? It means we're taking it to the next level. She said Big and Top Secret. That's two of our favorite '80s movies.

They enter the building.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

GUS:
I read about the international yacht bandit. I bet you we're going undercover on a yacht.

SHAWN:
Gus, let's not get ahead of ourselves. She may want us to catch that guy who's been stalking lingerie models.

GUS:
I know what it is. Last night on the news, I saw something about a blimp.

They stop walking.

SHAWN:
Blimp rides!

GUS:
Blimp rides! (does little dance)

SHAWN:
Shotgun. (walks towards VICK’S office)

GUS:
(follows) You can't call shotgun on a blimp.

SHAWN:
You can call shotgun anywhere except a crowded movie theater.

GUS:
There’s only two seats…

VICK opens her office door.

VICK:
All right, close the blinds, shut the door, and remain completely silent. This is big.

VICK steps away from the door and SHAWN and GUS hurry inside.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN and GUS quickly close the door and blinds.

SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) This is big.

VICK:
Look, I'm trusting you both to be professional and to keep this matter completely confidential.

GUS:
You got it.

SHAWN:
If you knew how many secrets I was keeping from you already, you'd totally trust me.

VICK:
It involves a nanny.

SHAWN:
Nanny serial killer? Nanny on the run?

GUS:
Nanny arsonist?

SHAWN:
Does she fly a blimp, by chance?

VICK:
No. I need you to hire me a nanny.

**********************************************************************

PSYCH

“Rob-a-Bye Baby”
By
Tami Sagher

STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen

DIRECTOR
Paul Lazarus

**********************************************************************


INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN:
Our big case is finding you a nanny? For your baby?

VICK:
Well, I'd be hiring you privately, of course. But I cannot stress how important this is.

GUS:
Of course. Our children are our most precious resources.

VICK:
Yes, that. Also, I haven't slept in weeks. See, my nephew was nannying her. And then he went back to nursing school. And ever since he left, she won't fall asleep, which means that I don't fall asleep. Are you up for this job?!

SHAWN:
I... (nudged by GUS) Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

VICK:
See, I can run the background checks on the nannies. Of course, not to mention, the drug testing, the psychological briefings, but I want to hire you both to psychically read the best candidate.

SHAWN:
Look, Chief. With all due respect, I think our services might be better utilized...

VICK:
Your services are best utilized by doing exactly what I say. You are not my first choice, Mr. Spencer. And I cannot stress how important this is. I... Need... Sleep! (sits)

SHAWN:
All right, so, uh, while we're looking for this babysitter...

VICK & GUS:
Nanny.

SHAWN:
How about we also hop on board the yacht bandit case? Because I think...

VICK:
Oh, no. No, no, no. (stands) No, no way. If I'm hiring you privately, then this is the only case that you're going to be working on. I mean, when you're working on police cases, it's not like you take private cases as well. Or do you?

GUS:
No.

SHAWN:
No.

GUS:
Of course not.

SHAWN:
We don't do that.

GUS:
That would be unprofessional.

SHAWN:
It would break the psychic/client... Code.

GUS:
We wouldn't even think of it.

VICK:
Great. You can go ahead and leave the door open.

INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY

SHAWN and GUS exit VICK’S office, depressed over their “big” case. LASSITER is ordering detectives around in regards to a case. JULIET is with him.

LASSITER:
Well, Harry, you and Deeshaw start a timeline. McNab, I want you to help Schwartz go over the witness statements.

BUZZ:
Right away.

LASSITER:
Dobson! I want you on tactical! Where the hell is Dobson?

SHAWN:
Look, Gus, a real case.

GUS pulls SHAWN away.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS and SHAWN are at their desks, searching online with their laptops.

GUS:
What do you have?

SHAWN:
Something, something, Lassiter's case. Dude, this blows with a capital Z.

GUS:
Shawn, this is the only case we're supposed to be working on. Besides, it's really important. Nannies are essential parts of today's working nuclear families.

SHAWN:
They're babysitters who drive.

GUS:
Might I remind you that this is a private case for the chief of police to find a caretaker for her child? If we screw this up, we'll be on her bad side for pretty much ever.

SHAWN:
(stands and walks to front of desk) Gus, you're not going to find a nanny on the internet. If they're posting there, they're already too desperate. It's like online dating. Remember when you went on Matchmaker.com?

GUS:
You mean when you posted a profile of me without my knowledge?

SHAWN:
Right. And all the women who responded were complete freaks.

GUS:
That's because you said I was looking for a woman who was strong enough to hold me.

SHAWN:
I didn't think they would take it literally. Look, dude, all the good nannies are employed. We gotta do some field work. We gotta find the right nanny and steal her for Chief Vick. We should go to a playground in a really good neighborhood.

GUS:
That's actually a good idea.

SHAWN:
Plus this way, we can race on the monkey bars.

EXT. PARK, DAY

Children play on the playground watched by mothers and nannies. SHAWN and GUS sit on a bench. GUS is taking notes as SHAWN eats jelly beans.

SHAWN:
You know, Gus, we may be working the lowest stakes case of our short careers, but there's something nice about just sitting and enjoying a sunny day at the park.

GUS:
Shawn, concentrate. Look over there. The one in the overalls. She seems to be using reverse psychology on that ten-year-old, which is actually a pretty good idea.

SHAWN:
(makes a face) You know what's not a good idea?

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
Pineapple and movie theater popcorn flavored jelly beans. (leans over and spits out jelly beans) That's disgusting.

GUS:
Shawn, stop spitting. You're scaring the children.

A little girl in braids stops in front of them.

GUS:
(takes off sunglasses) Hi. Would you like some candy?

SHAWN holds up the box of jelly beans and the girl runs away.

SHAWN:
I can't say that I blame her. These are disgusting. I mean, these are really horrible. (pops more into his mouth) Why can't I stop eating them?

GUS:
(tucks notepad into back pocket) That's it. We're splitting up. You're freaking out the kids. And me. (stands and walks away)

SHAWN:
Fine.

GUS strides back and grabs the box of candy from SHAWN and then leaves.

SHAWN:
Thank you for that. I'm serious.

SHAWN spits out the candy and stands. He looks up when he hears two nannies talking on another bench. He makes his way closer to listen.

NANNY 1:
I mean, I thought this was supposed to be a safe neighborhood.

NANNY 2:
Just because you're rich doesn't mean you're safe. (calls to charge) Marissa, get off of her now!

NANNY 1:
So you know Annie? She worked for the Bermans? She had to go to the police station because they thought she might be a material witness 'cause of when the house by them got robbed. So... (calls to charge) Dakota! Let someone else go on the slide! They spoil that little girl so hard. So then, an...

NANNY 1 stops when she sees SHAWN standing beside the bench.

SHAWN:
Perry! Luke! (looks over at twin boys) I'll be sitting right here. Remember, stranger danger! "Stranger danger”. The parents make me say that. Hi, I'm Shawn. I'm, uh, I'm a manny around here.

NANNY 1:
Oh, I'm Ada. This is Jaynie. Are you with an agency?

SHAWN:
No, I don't model. Strictly a manny. (sits next to ADA)

ADA:
Um, no, most of the families in this neighborhood get their nannies from our agency.

SHAWN:
Oh, which one is that?

JAYNIE:
Red Balloon. You should talk to them about getting reassigned. Ada's freaking out because she doesn't feel safe working in The Heights anymore.

SHAWN:
Why not? Oh, gosh. Is there a lot of crime around here? What kind?

JAYNIE:
Just some burglaries.

ADA:
Just? All these houses.

JAYNIE:
Only three.

ADA:
Three that we've heard about. (to SHAWN) They all happen in, like, the middle of the day, and all of them had security systems and everything, and it didn't matter.

JAYNIE:
Yeah, but it's not like it's your stuff they're stealing. So what do you care?

ADA:
I don't like to be around it. (calls to charges) Cody! Wyoming, get your foot out of that dog!

GUS is walking in another section of the park. He sees a nanny sitting on a bench and joins her.

NANNY:
Hi.

GUS:
Hi. Which one is yours?

NANNY:
Oh, uh, I'm the nanny for those two.

The NANNY points to the same twins that SHAWN had used as his cover. They are fighting.

GUS:
Oh, really. Do they always fight like that?

NANNY:
Pretty much. Which one's yours?

GUS:
Oh, no kids. Just me. So what are your thoughts on discipline? Do you spank?

The NANNY looks at him like he’s a pervert. A small soccer balls rolls over and GUS picks it up. A BOY runs over.

GUS:
(holds out ball) Here you go.

BOY:
(takes ball) Thank you.

GUS:
You're welcome. Is that your nanny right there? (motions to a nanny sitting on a bench)

BOY:
No. She is. (points to a nanny talking on the phone as she reads a magazine)

GUS:
Oh. So she doesn't always pay attention to where you are, huh? It would be pretty easy for you to get away and she wouldn't even know.

The BOY looks over at the NANNY before walking away.

GUS:
Kids. I just want to eat 'em up.

>>>LATER>>>

SHAWN peers out from behind a tree. GUS looks out from another tree. SHAWN waves him over and they meet halfway.

GUS:
None of these nannies will talk to me. Even the kids are avoiding me. Tell me the truth. Do I smell weird?

SHAWN:
(sniffs GUS) Nah, it's just the usual. Jerk chicken and new car smell. Look, I was talking to those two nannies, right?

GUS:
Oh yeah? You think they may be right for Chief Vick?

SHAWN:
Nah. They're terrible. Yelling at the kids, gossiping. All they paid attention to is themselves. But here's the good news, this neighborhood is rife with crime.

We hear a police siren.

SHAWN:
See what I mean?

GUS:
(takes off glasses) Shawn, I think you're forgetting why we're here. (points at SHAWN with glasses before putting them back on)

SHAWN:
Did you really just do that?

GUS:
What? (takes off glasses)

BUZZ:
(walks over) Hey, guys!

SHAWN:
Buzz!

BUZZ:
Listen, I got a call about two creepy dudes hanging out in the playground.

GUS:
Really? I haven't seen anything, but I'll keep my eyes open.

SHAWN:
Yeah, we've just been here hanging out in the bushes. Oh, boy.

BUZZ:
Sorry about this. (motions to the squad car)

BUZZ leads SHAWN and GUS past the nannies and children as they stand at the edge of the playground; the nannies with their arms protectively around the children. They stop beside the car.

BUZZ:
I'm so sorry. Hey, no hard feelings, right?

SHAWN:
Of course not. I mean, if you have to have a Jackie Earle Haley moment, you'd... You want it to be from Bad News Bears.

GUS:
Maybe Breaking Away.

SHAWN:
Not Little Children.

BUZZ:
Listen, I'd be happy to give you guys a ride to wherever you need to go.

RADIO:
Attention all officers. We have a call on a 4-5-9 break-in at 3192 Roscoe.

SHAWN:
There. We need to go there.

BUZZ:
You need to go to a crime scene?

SHAWN:
Yeah, it's crazy. The Chief asked us to look into any new burglaries in the neighborhood while we were here at the park.

BUZZ:
Okay. Fine. Hop in.

BUZZ walks around to the driver’s side. SHAWN opens the front passenger door but GUS slams it shut.

GUS:
Whoa! Why you always get to sit in the front?

SHAWN:
I called shotgun.

GUS:
No, you didn't.

BOTH:
Shotgun.

They fight over the door.

EXT. 3192 ROSCOE, DAY

BUZZ pulls the squad car up to the house, siren on.

GUS:
(off-screen) Stop it! Stop it!

BUZZ parks the car and we see all three men in the front seat of the car, GUS in the middle. SHAWN opens the door and both practically fall out. GUS closes the car door as they walk towards the house.

GUS:
Chief Vick better not catch us here, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Would you relax? She's not gonna show up at some random burglary scene. We spent all afternoon on that nanny thing. This is like a coffee break.

A dead body is wheeled out on a gurney.

SHAWN:
The coolest coffee break ever.

They continue up the front walk and SHAWN notices the sign for StarTek Security in the front garden.

GUS:
This is so wrong, Shawn.

SHAWN:
That must be why it feels so good.

They walk through the open front door.

INT. 3192 ROSCOE, FOYER, DAY

SHAWN notices the alarm is working properly with a green light.

GUS:
We already have a case.

INT. 3192 ROSCOE, LIVING ROOM, DAY</i>

They walk into the living room.

SHAWN:
Gus, we can do both. It's called multitasking.

SHAWN looks around the room and relays the scenario leading up to the crime.

SHAWN:
Okay. Looks like somebody came home, kicked off their shoes, made some chamomile tea. What ever happened to throwing back a few beers after work?

On the table by the sofa are a box of tissues with some used ones around it and a bottle of cough medicine.

GUS:
Whatever happened to cleaning? This is disgusting.

INT. 3192 ROSCOE, MASTER BEDROOM, DAY

SHAWN looks into the walk-in closet and sees and empty, open safe in the wall.

SHAWN:
(enters closet) Whoever broke in, managed to disarm security, find the safe and open it.

GUS:
And killed a guy.

SHAWN:
So this is where Mr. Tea-time got steeped.

GUS:
That doesn't even make sense.

SHAWN:
Got brewed? Got tea bagged!

A smashed floor lamp lies on the floor between the bed and window. There is blood on the base and the rug.

GUS:
That must be what killed him.

SHAWN:
(steps into the bedroom) Good eye, Gus.

GUS:
Thank you.

SHAWN stands in the doorway between the closet and the bedroom and expounds his theory. GUS walks into the closet and looks around.

SHAWN:
(stands in the doorway) So Mr. Teatime wasn't feeling well. He comes home early, surprises the intruder. The murder didn't have a weapon. Reaches for the first thing he can find. Bam! Didn't mean to hurt anybody. He's just a normal thief, right? Dude... (walks into closet) I bet this is connected to those robberies the nannies were talking about. (looks out window and sees VICK arrive) Chief Vick!

Both duck below the window into a squat.

GUS:
Man, we gotta get out of here.

GUS creeps out “normally” whereas SHAWN stays in his squat and moves sideways as they leave the room.

SHAWN:
I think walking like this makes everything more exciting.

GUS:
But…

INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY

GUS sits on the corner of a desk as SHAWN leans against a tall file cabinet across from him.

GUS:
I do not think this is a good idea. She was clear about only wanting us to find her a nanny.

SHAWN:
Are you kidding me? I'll have a psychic vision about the whole string of robberies. She will love it.

LASSITER, VICK and JULIET walk down the hall towards them.

LASSITER:
I haven't finished the report yet.

VICK:
Is your other arm in a sling?

LASSITER:
Excuse me?

VICK:
I don't want excuses, Carlton. I just want the report.

LASSITER:
I'm not giving excuses.

VICK:
Then why are you still talking? Head detective, my ass. (walks to coffee machine)

JULIET:
Uh, listen, I can finish the report.

LASSITER:
I can do my own job, O'Hara.

JULIET:
I know you...

LASSITER:
I can do my own job, O'Hara! (walks away)

VICK:
(tries to pour coffee but it’s empty) Oh! Who finished the coffee? Didn't make a fresh pot? I mean, who does that? What kind of person acts like that?

Everyone stops to look at VICK as she has her little breakdown. SHAWN and GUS try to leave without VICK knowing.

VICK:
(rushes up to SHAWN and GUS) Ooh, Shawn, Gus, hi! (puts arms around them) Good to see you. (ushers them to her office) Come on in. Come on in.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

VICK enters the office first, excited by their presence.

VICK:
So you found me a nanny.

GUS:
Actually, we were working on that when...

SHAWN:
I had a vision. It was a robbery turned to murder. There's a light...

VICK:
Oh, do you know who the murder is? Unless you can name me the murder in ten seconds, then I'm not interested. Ten, nine, one. I hired you to find me a nanny, and that's it.

GUS:
Yes, that's it.

SHAWN:
Absolutely. But, Chief, I have this feeling…

VICK:
Mr. Spencer, I thought you understood that when I hired you, this was to be your top priority. Your only priority.

SHAWN:
Well, it is. This is it. In fact, we even narrowed it down to the final three candidates.

VICK:
Oh, oh! Oh, that’s great!

SHAWN and GUS head for the door.

SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) Go find three candidates.

GUS jabs SHAWN in the side with his elbow. They each open a door and step into the hall.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN looks over to the bullpen where JULIET is talking with LASSITER and some other detectives.

JULIET:
This has to be connected to the other burglaries in The Heights.

GUS:
Don't even think about it.

SHAWN:
No, you go ahead. I'm just going to say a quick hello.

GUS:
Okay.

GUS leaves and SHAWN walks to the bullpen.

INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY

SHAWN walks over as close as he dares and sees photos of houses spread across the desk. He sees the case numbers are all through Startek. He pulls out his phone and walks towards them.

SHAWN:
(into phone) Hold on a second. I might need to make that a large.

LASSITER:
Can I help you?

SHAWN stops and leans against the post by the desk, his hand with the phone on the other side, taking photos of the desk.

SHAWN:
You guys want to go in with me on a meat-lover's cheesy crust?

LASSITER:
No time for a pizza party, Spencer.

SHAWN:
Nothing helps a big case more than a belly full of pepperoni.

LASSITER:
We're busy.

SHAWN:
Okay. (into phone) Keep it a medium, but yes to the crazy bread.

JULIET:
It makes sense that all these burglaries were connected 'cause they all have the same MO’s.

JULIET and LASSITER:
Daytime burglaries...

LASSITER:
Hidden valuables found and stolen. Disabled alarm systems.

JULIET:
Yes, that's what I was in the middle of saying.

LASSITER:
Well, then say it.

SHAWN:
(into phone) Uh, hold on a second. (to others) Uh, jalapeno poppers, cinnamon wings?

LASSITER:
Walk away.

SHAWN:
Okay.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS escorts a woman to the door from the main office. Three others are waiting to be interviewed.

GUS:
Thank you very much for your time. Now if you all can just wait here for one sec... Shawn, I'm glad you're here. 'Scuse me. (walks with SHAWN to the kitchen) I'm feeling really good about these nannies. Jean has a background in Montessori, and Sue has some interesting ideas about establishing nap time routines that I kind of like.

SHAWN:
All right. (looks at women) No. No good. None of them.

GUS:
What? Why?

SHAWN:
Slob, psycho, slut.

GUS:
I spent hours interviewing them, calling references. And you just come in here and dismiss them in two seconds?

SHAWN:
Well, take a look, Gus. The one on the far left is a slob. She's smelling her own armpit. Psycho there has been scribbling in her diary from the moment I walked in.

GUS:
So? Maybe she's just creative?

SHAWN:
It's the same sentence over and over again. Now, I don't know what that sentence is, but there is no configuration of words that makes that behavior acceptable.

GUS:
Fine. That still leaves Fiona. Why is she a slut?

SHAWN:
That was more me predicting her future.

FIONA looks up at SHAWN and waves with a small smile. SHAWN waves back. He then sees that she is reading a bridal magazine.

SHAWN:
Aw, man.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
(walks to the pass-through window) All right, everybody out. Sorry, ladies. The position has been filled. Don't drive angry.

The applicants file out.

GUS:
Why did you do that?

SHAWN:
Gus, she was getting married.

GUS:
So? She can still work for Chief Vick.

SHAWN:
No, she's consumed with planning her wedding. (opens fridge and takes out OJ) She was studying that bridal magazine like it was a textbook. After she's done with that, she'll be on the fertility fast track. (pours juice) Then she'll have her own baby. And Chief Vick will be out another nanny. And I do not want to have to do all this work again. (stands in front of GUS’ desk)

GUS:
(opens laptop) And what work exactly are you doing?

SHAWN:
How about progress on our actual case? Looks like all these robberies are inside jobs. The key is finding the connection between the victims. (pulls out phone)

GUS:
But we don't know anything about the other houses that were robbed.

SHAWN shushes him.

GUS:
All I'm saying is...

SHAWN shushes him.

GUS:
I'm just trying to say...

SHAWN shushes him.

GUS:
Don't make me slap you, Shawn.

SHAWN:
(holds out phone) Check it out. I got some snapshots of the evidence.

SHAWN scrolls through the photos and sees the shape of the Startek sign on the front lawn of one of the house.

SHAWN:
Well, at least two of the victims have something in common.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
Startek Security Company.

INT. STARTEK, DAY

LASSITER and JULIET question an officer in the monitoring room.

LASSITER:
And you don't find it strange that all four of these homes had Startek security, yet none of them were secure?

OFFICER:
Actually, people get overconfident with a security system and neglect taking even the most basic precautions. Like turning the system on, for example.

JULIET:
So you're saying all of these homeowners just forgot to turn on their alarms?

OFFICER:
That's one theory.

JULIET:
That's a pretty flimsy theory.

LASSITER:
(cuts off JULIET) Yeah, I don't think that's what happened.

SHAWN enters the room with another OFFICER.

SHAWN:
What I'm going to need from you, Spock, is a list.

OFFICER 2:
I just told you, yes, I am second in command, but my name is Gary Mills.

SHAWN:
I'm at a loss. You'll have to talk to Bones and get back to me. (sees the detectives) Jules. Lassie.

LASSITER:
Why are you here?

SHAWN:
Well, I was just in the neighborhood and my ears started tingling, and then they got pointier. Oh! And my hand, my hand started doing this. (holds up his right hand, his four fingers split open) All on its own. Like in that show.

JULIET:
(points) Star Trek!

LASSITER:
And this is Startek. Hilarious. What's your point?

SHAWN:
Excuse me for trying to take you on a wonderful psychic journey, okay? I think there's a connection between this place and the string of robberies in The Heights.

LASSITER:
How'd you know about the robberies?

SHAWN:
I, uh, felt a burning when I sat down.

LASSITER:
Forget I asked. (moves to lean on the counter in front of OFFICER) Please excuse my pseudo-colleague's presence. Now assuming that all four of our homeowners didn't just "forget" to turn on their systems, I think a Startek employee could've gotten those access codes to break in.

While LASSITER is talking, SHAWN notices the locations of the robbed houses on a map and their proximity to each other.

OFFICER:
You remind me of one of my professors. Did you ever teach at DeVry School of Technology?

LASSITER:
No.

SHAWN smiles at the comment as he starts to look around.

OFFICER:
Well, I had one of these professors who often had harebrained theories like yours. If we were really gonna rob any of the houses that we monitor, we would choose one in a totally higher income bracket. (shows LASSITER a picture of a large mansion) Take a look at this mansion, huh? I would rob this bad boy so fast your head would spin.

LASSITER:
Really.

OFFICER:
Yeah.

LASSITER:
How?

JULIET:
Lassiter, I don't...

LASSITER:
(holds up hand to shush her) O'Hara, please.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS enters the office on the phone with SHAWN. He’s drinking a coffee.

GUS:
What do you want, Shawn?

SHAWN: (over phone)
Gus, there's no way it can be these security guys.

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. STARTEK, DAY

SHAWN talks with GUS over the phone away from JULIET and LASSITER.

SHAWN:
I mean, they want to be cops, but they're really just on domestic detail.

GUS:
Really? Like you're a wannabe detective following a case we're not even on, when you should be finding Chief Vick a new nanny.

SHAWN:
I trust you to head that up, Gus. Meanwhile, I'm going to borrow your car, check out those other houses that were robbed.

GUS:
No way. I will not have my Echo be a part of your flagrant disobeying of the Chief. Use your motorcycle.

SHAWN:
Dude, I can't do recon with that on suburban streets.

GUS:
Help me find the nanny, and then I'll take you.

SHAWN:
(scoffs) Gus, I'm a grown man. I don't have to depend on others to drive me around. Okay?

GUS:
Fine.

EXT. STREET, DAY

SHAWN is riding with HENRY in his pickup.

SHAWN:
(looks out passenger window) Whoa, slow down. Slow down.

HENRY:
What are we looking for again?

SHAWN:
My kinkajou. He's got to be around here somewhere. Maybe he's more in the middle of the block.

HENRY:
Your kinka-what?

SHAWN:
Kinkajou. It's a 12-inch, monkey-like mammal. It's become quite vogue to keep as a pet. Dermot Mulroney had one named "Baby Love” but I named mine "Red Hot Monkey Love".

HENRY:
All right, Shawn, cut the crap. I'm only doing this 'cause you agreed to mow the lawn. It's time to fess up. What is really going on here?

SHAWN:
All right, fine. There's been a string of robberies in The Heights, and I need to get a closer look at one of the houses that got robbed.

HENRY:
Why didn't you just say so?

SHAWN:
Because it's more fun to say "kinkajou."

HENRY parks the truck and they both get out.

HENRY:
All right, which one?

SHAWN:
(points) That one. (joins HENRY on the sidewalk)

HENRY:
Yeah? Well, that's a stupid house to rob.

SHAWN:
Does anyone live up to your standards? Maybe we can get a hold of the burglar's number, you can call, tell him how disappointed you are.

HENRY:
Shawn, take a look at all the houses on this block. Of all of 'em, tell me why that one would be your last choice to break into?

SHAWN:
I don't know, Dad. I...

HENRY:
Shawn. Now.

SHAWN looks around at the other houses in the immediate area. One has overgrown landscaping, virtually blocking it from the street. Another has newspapers accumulated on the front stairs.

SHAWN:
Because all the other houses are easier targets than the one that actually got robbed. Neighbor two houses down has been gone for several days, didn't bother to suspend their newspaper delivery.

HENRY:
Good. What else?

SHAWN:
The house on the other side is completely hidden by those trees and bushes. It's the perfect vantage point for a burglar, especially during the day time.

HENRY:
Not to mention our house has a security system.

SHAWN:
And bars on the windows.

HENRY:
This was not a crime of chance, Shawn. That house was chosen for a reason.

SHAWN:
(in fake French accent) There can only be one.

HENRY:
What?

SHAWN:
I thought we were doing lines from Highlander. My bad.

HENRY:
Let's get out of here. (heads for the truck)

SHAWN:
(stops Henry and talks with a Scottish accent) Wait. That sensation you’re feeling, that is the Quickening.

HENRY:
Everyone can do Connery. Your Lambert sucks. (pats SHAWN on the back and walks to the truck)

SHAWN:
At least I have a Lambert.

SHAWN looks over at the house and sees JAYNIE walking across the lawn. She’s on the phone.

JAYNIE:
Hey, Ada, it's Jaynie. They let me out early. Want to meet up tonight?

SHAWN notices that JAYNIE is wearing Coach sunglasses.

SHAWN:
A nanny wouldn't be able to afford Coach sunglasses, am I right?

HENRY:
Well, she should be able to. Nannies are criminally underpaid.

SHAWN:
Right, because our children are our most precious resources.

HENRY:
Because children are maddening hellions. A great nanny can make all the difference in the world. Haven't you seen Nanny 911?

SHAWN:
No, I'm still trying to catch up on my Dog Whisperers.

HENRY:
Nannies on that are brilliant. I wish I had one of 'em when you were a kid. (gets in truck)

SHAWN:
Uh, don't beat yourself up, Pop. Sure, most of my good traits come from Mom. But you, uh... No, that's really all I got. (gets in truck)

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN rushes into VICK’S office. The woman is sitting at her desk, head propped on her hand as she looks forward.

SHAWN:
Okay, Chief, let me begin by saying no, we have not found you a nanny yet. But I have had a vision about nannies, ironically. Rings of nannies! (sees VICK hasn’t noticed him) Uh, rings around my collar. Of thieves. Rings of thieves! Supplementing their paltry incomes as nannies. Rogue nannies robbing their bosses' Aykroyds and Belushis. Neighbors! Robbing their bosses' neighbors! (steps forward to plead his case) Chief, if I can just get a little closer to these robberies... And... And... And we would still find you a nanny eventually.

VICK’S head drops from her hand and she jerks up quickly. SHAWN pulls back, confused. VICK realizes she’s not alone.

VICK:
Oh. Mr. Spencer. I'm sorry. I must've fallen asleep.

SHAWN:
That is so creepy. Your eyes were wide open.

VICK:
Yeah. I learned to do that back when I was on stakeouts. (pours bought coffee into her cup) I have never been so sleep-deprived in my life. But thank goodness you found me a nanny.

SHAWN:
N... no. No, we haven't...We haven't done that yet.

VICK:
Then why are you here?

SHAWN:
That's what I was saying. (sits) I've got some very strong psychic rumblings about those robberies.

VICK laughs and SHAWN joins in.

VICK:
I gave you explicit instructions. And you're here to tell me that you've completely disregarded everything I said?

SHAWN:
No, no, no. Not completely. Well, look, if you're gonna put it like that, then sort of.

VICK:
Well, let me put it just like this, (stands and leans over desk) and listen very closely, because I want you to get it clearly this time. You are fired. Yeah.

SHAWN:
Ah! From which case?

VICK:
All of them.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT

GUS:
Trying to solve that case is what got us in trouble in the first place, Shawn!

SHAWN:
She said she wanted me to name the murder. As long as I could do it in ten seconds.

GUS:
(goes into kitchen) And as long as it didn't distract from the nanny search.

SHAWN:
So you find the perfect nanny before she does. I'll find the murder for the police. And voila! She's loving us again.

GUS:
(opens fridge and takes out a jar or jelly) And exactly how is this plan different from what we were doing before?

SHAWN:
Because now we're renegades, dude. It's so hardcore! Working without the Chief's knowledge. Racing against a ticking clock for her approval. It's gonna be so much more exciting. (leans on desk) Can't you feel it?

GUS:
(makes a sandwich) No, Shawn, I don't feel it. I feel depression. I feel a series of missed payments on our rent. That's the only thing that motivates me to think we need to fix this.

SHAWN:
I need to get more information on those two nannies from the park. Maybe get into that agency where they both work.

GUS:
(puts jelly away) And how do you plan on doing that? It's not like you can pretend you're a nanny. The agency does do extensive security checks on who they hire.

SHAWN:
But not necessarily on the parents who hire them. (walks over to GUS) Come on, buddy. What do you say? Do a little cameo on My Two Dads?

GUS:
That show was canceled for a reason, Shawn. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to find someone else to co-parent with. (walks away)

SHAWN:
I was gonna let you be Greg Evigan.

EXT. CAFÉ, DAY

The café is located across from the beach. JULIET comes out in mid conversation on her phone. She holds a pastry in her other hand. A covered cup of coffee is tucked in the crook of her elbow.

JULIET:
I just think that Startek security is a dead end. Okay. All right. Fine. What if I go investigate a different... Yes. I know that you are lead detective, Lassiter. Oh. (pulls phone away from her mouth) Going through a tunnel. Gotta go. (ends call and takes an angry bite of her pastry)

SHAWN arrives.

SHAWN:
Whoa!

JULIET:
Please let me eat my frustration in peace, Shawn.

SHAWN:
There's this dark cloud surrounding you. It's starving your chi. Yeah. And down at the station, I can see a raccoon with dark circles under his eyes. No, her eyes. Oh, God. It's the chief. Chief Vick is becoming Chief Coon, and she's... She's lashing out at everyone.

JULIET:
That's true.

SHAWN:
Especially Lassie, who in turn is taking his frustrations out on you. Look, Jules, you gotta take your chi back. Take it back. And that means doing something big, something risky. Something that'll help you blow this case wide open. (whips off sunglasses and gets down on one knee) Marry me, Juliet.

The patrons of the café turn around in their seats and clap. JULIET grabs SHAWN by the arm and pulls him up and drags him away.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS is interviewing another nanny.

GUS:
What are your opinions on Ferberizing the baby?

APPLICANT:
Oh my God. Never. That's disgusting.

GUS makes a large “X” on her application.

GUS:
Do you have any remedies for teething pains?

APPLICANT 2:
Two Valiums.

GUS:
You would give the baby Valium?

APPLICANT 2:
Oh, no. Of course not. Those are for me so I can deal with the crying. I just give the baby half a Valium.

GUS makes an “X” on her application. The next applicant is a goth dressed in black with piercings and long black hair with colored strands. He makes another “X”.

EXT. BEACH, DAY

SHAWN explains to JULIET as they walk.

SHAWN:
Look, Jules, you don't actually have to marry me, okay? Just... Just pose as my wife when we go to the Red Balloon Nanny Agency. I need to get a better psychic vibe on a couple of their nannies.

JULIET:
And you need a nanny why?

SHAWN:
Two particular nannies. I think they're behind the robberies in The Heights.

JULIET:
So you're saying that this string of high-tech cat burglaries, one that ended in murder, were caused by a couple of 19-year-old nannies?

SHAWN:
Don't be ridiculous. Only one of them is 19. The other one's a slightly zaftic Polish nanny in her thirties.

JULIET:
Shawn, I can't help you do this.

SHAWN:
Oh no, no, no. You wouldn't be helping me. I would be helping you. To solve the case the way you think it needs to be solved. Jules, to get your chi back, investigate these nannies with me. Otherwise your chi's going to shrivel up and starve to death.

EXT. CAFÉ, DAY

SHAWN:
You need to feed your chi. Besides, I wasn't going to say anything, but I had a vision of us being married. (JULET laughs) I know it's probably this undercover thing we're gonna do, but it might have been a vision from our future. (takes her hand) Mr. and Mrs. Juliet Spencer O’Hara.

SHAWN lifts her hand to his lips as if to kiss it and she pulls her hand away.

JULIET:
Fine. I'll do it.

SHAWN:
(to the patrons of the café) She said yes, everybody! She loves me so much!

The patrons applaud.

JULIET:
But only for detective work. (they walk through the café’s patio) I don't buy into this whole husband and kids thing. Marriage is just a contractual obligation that the state mandated centuries ago when wives were considered property. But if we are going to pretend, this is what our wedding was like. It's sunset on a beach in Antigua...

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, RECEPTION, DAY

JULIET sits in a comfortable armchair and talks about their wedding as she holds a teddy bear against her chest.

JULIET:
So then I walk down the aisle to an a cappella version of James Taylor's Only One, and by this time, the flower girls have tossed the peony petals into a soft, butterfly formation…

SHAWN has zoned out as JULIET continues to describe her fictitious wedding. The RECEPTIONIST enters the room.

RECEPTIONIST:
Hi. I'll take you in to see the head of the agency now.

SHAWN gets up quickly and practically runs out the door. JULIET follows more sedately.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, OFFICE, DAY

ABBY DANIELS greets SHAWN and JULIET standing behind her desk.

DANIELS:
Hi, I'm Abby Daniels. (sits and checks file) And it says here that you are Mr. and Mrs. Levon Tostig.

SHAWN and JULIET sit as well.

SHAWN:
That's correct.

DANIELS:
Why don't you tell me a little bit about your child?

JULIET:
Well, we had little Millicent in a home birth with a doula, and afterwards, (places her hands affectionately on SHAWN’S arm and shoulder) Levon here buried my placenta in the backyard.

SHAWN:
Whoa!

DANIELS:
Some of our nannies are very environmentally conscious. They're into homeopathic methods.

JULIET:
Great.

SHAWN:
What kind of background checks do you run on these nannies?

DANIELS:
Well, I'm glad you asked that, because the safety of your children is something we pride ourselves on here at Red Balloon.

SHAWN:
I like that very much.

DANIELS:
Well, why don't I show you a little bit around our offices? And you can see some of the services that we offer here. (stands and walks around desk)

SHAWN:
Great.

SHAWN and JULIET stand.

JULIET:
(softly) So getting any psychic vibrations on your two suspects yet, Levon?

SHAWN:
I think I got thrown off picturing your placenta.

They follow DANIELS from the office.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, TECH ROOM, DAY

DANIELS leads them to another room lined with cameras and videos as well as the equipment with which to fix them. Inside is an older, heavyset man. He quickly picks up a tin of chewing tobacco and slips it into his shirt pocket.

DANIELS:
Now this is Steve Hitchcock. He's in charge of the baby bonding cameras we install. Part of every nanny placement package.

JULIET:
What are baby bonding cameras?

HITCHCOCK:
Well, they're a series of webcams we set up in your home. You can log on any time during the day and see how your child and the nanny are doing.

SHAWN:
So you're spying on them.

DANIELS:
Oh, no. Not at all. The nannies are aware these cameras are installed. It's more to keep in touch with your child. Not to mention having the nanny know you may be watching her at any time, it encourages her to be extra responsible.

As DANIELS talks, SHAWN reaches an arm around JULIET and gives her a quick hug. She gives a fake smile.

HITCHCOCK:
You're the only ones with the access to the camera feed. You sign onto the web site using a unique password only you know.

DANIELS:
So you can see, not only do we run extensive background checks on our nannies, you can check on them whenever you like.

SHAWN’S cell rings.

SHAWN:
Ooh, uh, sweetie, why don't you tell them how we decorated little Millie's room, then they'll know how to set up the cameras. Excuse me. (answers phone and walks from the room)

JULIET:
Well, we decorated with a raspberry and sage theme. And then we did this pinstripe wallpaper that really accented the sea foam green that we had done in the crown molding.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN sneaks into the office and closes the door.

SHAWN:
Perfect timing, Gus. (ends call)

He opens the file cabinet and pulls out JAYNIE’S file. Her last place of employment was the Coach store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLASHBACK

EXT. STREET, DAY

SHAWN notices that JAYNIE is wearing Coach sunglasses.

SHAWN:
A nanny wouldn't be able to afford Coach sunglasses, am I right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN puts the file back, closes the drawer and leaves the room.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, TECH ROOM, DAY

JULIET is still describing the imaginary nursery.

JULIET:
Of course, I love what Nate Berkus did on Oprah's nursery theme week, so I took his idea and I did the long, flowing curtains, but only on two of the windows, even though there's four...

SHAWN returns to the room and knocks on the door.

SHAWN:
Honey, we should probably get going.

DANIELS:
Great! Well, if you have any other questions, you just let us know.

JULIET:
Thank you. I will.

DANIELS:
Or e-mail. E-mail is good too.

JULIET:
Okay.

DANIELS:
Okay.

SHAWN and JULIET leave.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, FRONT HALL, DAY

JULIET’S phone rings as they head for the main door. She answers.

JULIET:
O'Hara. Uh-huh. Where? Okay, I'll be right there. (ends call) That was Lassiter. Wants me to meet him at some exotic reptile shop on Central. Said they found some of the stolen merchandise from the robberies.

SHAWN:
Ooh. Can I come? I'd love to see what my wife does at work all day.

With a smile, JULIET turns and heads out the door. SHAWN follows.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS is interviewing yet another nanny.

APPLICANT 3:
And then before every nap time, we read Good Night Moon and The Giving Tree.

GUS:
Those are my favorite books. (makes a note)

APPLICANT 3:
And then she lies down for a 45-minute nap, which I keep track of in my client sleep chart.

GUS:
I love charts. When can you start?

INT. EXOTIC PET STORE, DAY

SHAWN and JULIET duck under the police tape as they step inside the store. LASSITER is at the counter questioning with the OWNER.

LASSITER:
All right, when'd the items come in?

OWNER:
Jeez Louise. Does it look like I keep records in Quicken in here? Maybe Tuesday.

LASSITER:
Can you at least describe the person who sold them to you?

OWNER:
You get used to lookin' at lizards all day, people all start to look alike.

LASSITER:
Was it a man or a woman?

OWNER:
Boy, you ask some toughies. I think it was a guy.

LASSITER:
Pasty white guy, beatnik haircut, stupid grin?

OWNER:
I don't think so.

SHAWN sees an old paper cup in the garbage and notices traces of chewing tobacco. He remembers HITCHCOCK slipping some into his shirt pocket. He steps up to the counter.

SHAWN:
Was he roly-poly like a puffer fish? (puffs up cheeks)

LASSITER:
Spencer, what the hell?

OWNER:
Yeah. Yeah, he was.

SHAWN:
Now I'm seeing red. Was he red-faced like a koi fish? (makes a fish face)

OWNER:
Exactly.

SHAWN:
And did he spit a lot like a komodo dragon?

OWNER:
Just like a komodo.

LASSITER:
Great! I'll take this description down to our sketch artist at the aquarium. All right, tell me exactly which items this fish man sold.

JULIET pulls SHAWN away to the other side of the store.

JULIET:
(whispers) Your vision kinda sounds like that red-faced guy from the Red Balloon Nanny Agency... Steve.

SHAWN:
(whispers) I was thinking the Kool-Aid guy, but yours probably makes more sense.

JULIET:
Yeah. I'm going to head back down to the station, investigate them a little more, see if I can get a warrant.

SHAWN:
So it's not the nannies that are responsible for the burglaries, it's the agency.

JULIET:
Yeah.

JULIET leaves and SHAWN’S phone rings.

SHAWN:
Gus, I'm so glad you called.

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

GUS is relaxing behind his desk, a bottle of water in his hand.

GUS:
You're about to be a lot gladder. Chief Vick has officially forgiven us. I just found her a nanny.

SHAWN:
Oh, that's perfect. I think I just figured out who the bad guys are.

GUS:
The best part is she can start right away. Her security check is already done, because she works for the best agency in town.

SHAWN:
Oh, no. Please don't say the...

GUS:
Red Balloon Nanny Agency.

SHAWN closes his phone. GUS stares at his phone, surprised that SHAWN hung up on him.

EXT. STREET, DAY

GUS parks the Echo on the street in front of the Red Balloon Nanny Agency. The two step out of the car and walk towards the building.

GUS:
This is the part I hate, waiting for warrants.

SHAWN:
Oh, we're not waiting for warrants.

GUS:
Can you please tell me what we're doing here?

SHAWN:
Look, Gus, we know the W’s of the crime. We know the “who”, we know the “where”. We're pretty solid on the “whereof”. We're pretty sure of the “wheretofore”. We're scratch on the whatchamacallit…

GUS:
Shawn.

SHAWN:
…’cause that's self-explanatory.

GUS:
Shawn!

SHAWN:
We don't have the “how”.

GUS:
Why do we need to know the “how” if the guy's gonna be arrested?

SHAWN:
(sighs and stops at the base of the steps) Dude, I'm the one that has to do the wrap-up, remember? You want me to get up there with Eggs Benedict all over my face? The Canadian bacon in my hair? Hollandaise dripping down? I need zing. I'm a psychic. I gotta see everything.

GUS:
Come on.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, RECEPTION, DAY

The RECEPTIONIST is sitting at the desk when SHAWN and GUS enter.

RECEPTIONIST:
Oh, hi, Levon. What are you doing here?

SHAWN:
This is Shmuel Coen. He's my best friend and godfather to my little Millicent. Now he's, uh, very overprotective and he insisted on coming by and getting a feel for the folks that are going to be caring for his little goddaughter.

RECEPTIONIST:
Oh, well, guys, I'm so sorry. But Steve and Abby, they're out doing home interviews with clients.

SHAWN exaggerates snapping his fingers in disappointment and sighs.

SHAWN:
You know what, we're okay with waiting.

Both men sit in the armchairs. GUS runs a ringer along the table checking for dust. SHAWN notices the RECEPTIONIST open a large bottle of aspirin. He picks up a toy and covers his mouth as he whispers to GUS.

SHAWN:
Dude, she has a headache. Start whistling something by Philip Glass.

They both lean back in the chairs. SHAWN puts the toy back on the table. GUS clears his throat and starts to whistle. SHAWN starts to gutturally clear his throat.

RECEPTIONIST:
Okay, you know what, guys? You don't have to wait out here. You know, I bet you'd be more comfy in Mrs. Daniel's office.

SHAWN:
(stands) You sure it's no trouble?

GUS stands as well.

RECEPTIONIST:
No, no. Not at all. You know where it is, right?

SHAWN and GUS walk to the door.

GUS:
Thank you.

INT. RED BALLOON AGENCY, OFFICE, DAY

GUS is still whistling as they enter the office. He stops as soon as SHAWN closes the door. GUS goes to the desk to search as SHAWN goes to the file cabinet.

GUS:
What kind of clues are we looking for?

SHAWN:
Any kind.

GUS sees a tobacco container in the garbage.

GUS:
Somebody chews tobacco.

SHAWN:
How about some new clues?

SHAWN looks across to the opposite wall and sees marks and tears in the wallpaper on either side of the bookcase. He crosses the room to examine more closely. He pounds on the wall.

GUS:
What are you doing?

SHAWN:
Dude, I think this thing opens up. Scratches on both sides of the wall. It's, like, a secret door or something.

GUS comes over and starts pulling out books, looking for a latch. He turns a plaque holding preserved baby booties and the bookcase slides open. In front of them are a number of monitors showing different homes.

GUS:
Wow.

SHAWN:
Nicely done, Gus. These are feeds from the baby bonding cameras that the agency installs.

GUS:
It's kind of creepy.

SHAWN:
Yeah, especially since the only ones that are supposed to be able to access these feeds are the parents themselves.

GUS:
This is our proof, Shawn. They watch the footage from the cameras, get the security codes, see where people are hiding their valuables, and case out their houses. We got it, Shawn. Let's go. (turns for the door)

SHAWN:
Whoa!

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
No, that doesn't make any sense. None of the houses that got robbed had nannies working in them.

SHAWN sees the addresses taped underneath the monitors and remembered the addresses to the houses robbed from when he was in Startek.

SHAWN:
Dude, it wasn't the houses with the nannies. It was the houses next door.

GUS looks over at one of the monitors that shows DANIELS and HITCHCOCK at VICK’S house.

GUS:
Juliet's gonna have a hard time serving the warrant here at the Red Balloon, when the person she's trying to arrest is sitting in Chief Vick's living room!

SHAWN pulls out a tray in the center of the bookcase that has controls on it for the cameras.

SHAWN:
Sweet black licorice. I've got the “how”. I've got to get Jules on the phone right away. (pulls out phone and calls JULIET) Time is of the essence here! Jules, it's Shawn. First of all, how are you? Oh, that sounds nice.

GUS:
(smacks SHAWN) Go on!

SHAWN:
Secondly, meet me at chief Vick's house pronto. I've had a big vision. Top seven of all time. (ends call) Let's go.

EXT. STREET, DAY

LASSITER and JULIET pull up in front of VICK’S house. SHAWN and GUS get out of the Echo. LASSITER and JULIET get out of their car.

SHAWN:
Thanks for getting here so quickly, guys. Where's your baby gift?

LASSITER:
A what?

SHAWN:
The baby gift. Lassie, we're about to enter the Chief's home. You can't just barge in, guns a-blazing. This is delicate.

GUS:
The suspect could be holding Chief Vick's baby.

SHAWN:
Or we could make Chief Vick very, very angry. You don't want that.

LASSITER:
Nobody wants that. (walks back to the car)

JULIET pats her pockets, searching for a gift. SHAWN and GUS walk towards the house.

INT. VICK’S HOUSE, ENTRY, DAY

There is a knock on the door and VICK opens it to reveal SHAWN, GUS, JULIET and LASSITER.

LASSITER:
Probably should've given you this sooner, but, uh, happy baby gift. (holds up The Club)

VICK:
Uh, thank you. (takes “gift” as LASSITER enters)

JULIET:
It's a mini rattle and also a low calorie breath freshener. (hands VICK a pack of Tic-Tacs on her way inside)

VICK:
Oh, great. Is there anything I can do for you guys?

GUS:
We just wanted to say hi. (gives VICK a stuffed bunny as he goes inside)

SHAWN holds up a pineapple with a bow on it. He taps it before handing it to VICK.

VICK:
Oh, uh, Shawn, I'm glad that you're here. (closes door) I just wanted to apologize for snapping at you the other day.

INT. VICK’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY

LASSITER, JULIET and GUS look around in the living room.

INT. VICK’S HOUSE, ENTRY, DAY

SHAWN:
Chief, there's no need. Really.

SHAWN and VICK slowly walk towards the living room.

VICK:
Oh, well, you know, I was just so mad, I just wanted to strangle you. But I admit I was wrong. I realized I was overreacting after I tried to run my husband over after he left the garage door open. But this agency that you and Gus found...

INT. VICK’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY

SHAWN and VICK arrive in the room.

SHAWN:
Yeah, about...

SHAWN ducks away as HITCHCOCK approaches.

HITCHCOCK:
Mrs. Vick!

VICK:
Yeah?

HITCHCOCK:
I just finished up installing the cameras.

SHAWN stands by GUS, his back to the others. He looks up and sees the camera. DANIELS comes down the stairs and stands by HITCHCOCK.

DANIELS:
Guess who just fell asleep?

VICK:
Iris is sleeping?

DANIELS:
Like a lamb.

VICK:
Please tell me that your other nannies are as good with children as you are.

DANIELS:
Even better.

VICK:
(turns to SHAWN and GUS) You guys did a great job.

SHAWN turns around and raises his hands as if to explain.

GUS:
Yeah. About that...

DANIELS steps forward as she sees SHAWN and JULIET.

DANIELS:
Mr. and Mrs. Tostig. I didn't realize you knew Mrs. Vick.

SHAWN:
(shushes with a finger to his mouth and whispers) Mr. Softy would like to say a few words. (heads to the mantel)

VICK:
(whispers) Oh, Shawn, I really don't think that this is the time.

SHAWN picks up a stuffed rabbit from the mantel and holds it to his ear as if listening.

DANIELS:
(to VICK) I thought his name was Levon.

SHAWN:
What's that? The bear snores really loud, he's pretty sure the turtle's really an alien, and all the monkey wants to do is play pull my finger. Oh and somebody just put in some video cameras?

HITCHCOCK:
Yeah, I just set up a bunch of them. So?

SHAWN:
Well, they're not normal video cameras. They're all high-techie with army-grade resolution. What? What's that, fella? Look up? (looks up) That's just a fan, silly. (turns the rabbit so it’s looking at the camera before he looks) Oh. Lassie, what's that?

LASSITER:
(steps on a piece of furniture and studies camera) This is the Extella 5400.

DANIELS:
They're the baby bonding cameras, so you can check in. (puts a comforting hand on VICK)

LASSITER:
The Extella 5400 retails for over $10,000. (steps down and winces) Ow! (SHAWN and JULIET reach out) I'm fine.

SHAWN:
I'm seeing angles and pivots and divots. Well, no divots. But it sure is fun to say those back-to-back. Pivots and divots and pivots and divots and pivots and divots and...

GUS:
(smacks SHAWN) Shawn!

SHAWN:
Who wants to give that a shot?

JULIET:
Give what a shot?

SHAWN:
Shots. That's it. Exactly. But I don't see any shots of nannies playing with babies. In fact, there's no babies at all. I'm seeing jewelry boxes and safes and entrances and exits and security keypads. But... But from where? (moves the rabbit so it looks out the window) From the houses next door.

DANIELS:
What are you talking about?

Iris’ cries come over the monitor.

GUS:
(shushes and whispers) There's a baby sleeping.

SHAWN:
(hands GUS the rabbit and walks forward) I'm talking about... (steps on a toy that squeaks and when he steps back, he lands on another)

GUS:
(hushing) Shawn, stop it!

JULIET shushes.

SHAWN:
Well, it's like a mine field!

DANIELS sighs as SHAWN clears his throat and starts again.

SHAWN:
(whispers) I'm talking about casing out houses next door to the ones your nannies work at. I'm talking about a string of robberies, one of which went terribly wrong when all of a sudden your witness-less crime got witnessed. And then it became murder.

DANIELS:
(whispers) That ridiculous.

We see flashbacks as SHAWN explains.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Is it as ridiculous as having a secret panel in your office where you can plan all your robberies? You had access to each and every one of those baby bonding cameras, and you manipulated them. Not to check on any nannies, but to case the houses next door to capture security alarm codes so you could break into those houses undetected. I'd say that's pretty ridiculous. Though not as ridiculous as Denise Richards playing a nuclear physicist named Christmas Jones in a Bond movie. But still.

HITCHCOCK:
Look, I don't know what this guy's deal is, but we gotta go.

VICK:
(whispers) This guy's deal is that he's a psychic.

GUS:
(whispers) Who happens to work for the police.

DANIELS:
(whispers) Oh, really?

VICK:
(whispers) Yeah, really. The Santa Barbara Police Department, which I'm the chief of.

VICK nods her head and LASSITER and JULIET take out their handcuffs as they walk over to DANIELS and HITCHCOCK. SHAWN and GUS fist bump with Mr. Softy.

LASSITER:
(to HITCHCOCK) Anybody ever tell you you look like a puffer fish?

IRIS starts crying. LASSITER winces as he looks over at VICK.

LASSITER:
Sorry.

EXT. PARK, DAY

SHAWN and GUS cross the park near the playground. SHAWN has another box of jelly beans.

GUS:
I can't believe it all worked out.

SHAWN:
I know. All I had to do was get the fruit bowl assortment from Garrett Bell's Jelly Bean factory and every flavor's delicious.

GUS:
I'm talking about with chief Vick. Her nephew's transferring to a nursing school in Santa Barbara. In two weeks, she'll have her old nanny back.

SHAWN:
Mm, pomegranate.

GUS:
I wonder what she's going to do in the meantime.

SHAWN:
Oh, I took care of that.

GUS:
You mean, after I scoured the city and couldn't find anyone, you just stumbled upon a nanny responsible enough for Chief Vick?

SHAWN:
(sighs) That I did.

SHAWN and GUS stop and look over to a bench where HENRY is with Iris and the two are surrounded by other nannies. HENRY seems to be acting like a doting grandfather.

HENRY:
Give me a little whoop. Whoop.

HENRY lifts Iris’ top and looks down.

SHAWN:
And you gotta admit, the man knows how to work a baby.

NANNY 1:
Cute!

NANNY 2:
Good hand support!

HENRY sees SHAWN and GUS.

HENRY:
Shawn!

SHAWN and GUS turn and hurry away.

SHAWN:
Don't look back. Just keep walking.

HENRY:
Shawn! Shawn! Where are you going? Come on, you said five minutes! Don't you dare leave! I'm smelling something really foul coming out of this thing!