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09 November 2011 @ 11:34 pm
Transcript: 1x03 Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece  



1985

INT. SPENCER HOUSE, MUD ROOM, DAY

SHAWN is searching cabinets and closets.

INT. SPENCER HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY

SHAWN walks into the kitchen, his flip-flops slapping on the floor, and keeps searching. HENRY is sitting at the table reading the paper and drinking coffee.

HENRY:
Hey, Shawn, what in the world do you think you're doing?

SHAWN:
Hide and seek.

HENRY:
I don't think so.

SHAWN:
But you said we could.

HENRY:
Not like that.

SHAWN:
But that's how you play.

HENRY:
Not in my house. Shawn, you can't tail a suspect like that. Look how loud you are. (sets down paper and coffee) Your perp is going to hear you coming from every turn. Those things (points at flip-flops) smack every time you take a step. If you're going to wear them when you compete...

SHAWN:
Compete?

HENRY:
(whispers) On the balls of your feet. (stands and demonstrates) Balls of your feet. You take deliberate steps. You don't know where he is. He shouldn't get to know where you are. He's invisible, you're invisible. Now you've leveled the playing field.

SHAWN:
Can I go now?

HENRY:
No, you're going to learn to do the little things right. For instance... (kneels behind wall) when you peer around a corner, I want you to stay down low, because they're expecting you up here at eye level. (crawls on all fours) When you walk down a hall, check the grains of the carpet. We just vacuumed, right? And never, ever again do I ever want to hear you slam a door when you can pull it closed.

SHAWN:
But we're just playing.

HENRY:
Well, play right, Shawn, or don't play at all. (sits back in chair)

SHAWN takes off his flip-flops and walks across the floor on the balls of his feet.

HENRY:
Shawn, (whispers) he's not in here.

SHAWN crouches as heads for the door.

PRESENT DAY


INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN creeps down the hall and hides behind a section of wall where he listens to LASSITER talking with JULIET and other officers.

LASSITER:
I don't need to tell you how vital it is that we maintain the utmost secrecy on this heist. The Attorney General does not want his son's wedding disrupted any more than it's already been.

SHAWN leans nonchalantly in the corner as an officer walks past.

JULIET:
How will we explain our presence to the press?

LASSITER:
We don't. Just let 'em stew.

JULIET:
Well, that's one approach. But if I may suggest, I once wrote a paper regarding press releases and such, and...

SHAWN smiles at JULIET standing up to LASSITER as the detective glares at her.

JULIET:
Sorry, your idea sounds great.

LASSITER turns as a door opens and SHAWN ducks back.

LASSITER:
Get the board.

The detectives walk away from SHAWN and he leans out. On the other side, almost mirroring his movements, is GUS.

GUS:
What are you doing?

SHAWN:
I'm on to something big.

GUS:
Tailing cops? In a police station?

SHAWN:
Some monumentally expensive ring just got stolen. I'm going to get us on the case.

GUS:
We just got a case five minutes ago. (has file in hand)

SHAWN:
Yeah, a lame one. Stolen computers from a high school? Come on, like you weren't falling asleep during that meeting.

An officer comes through the hall pulling a board with all the information from the case. He pauses to talk to another officer and SHAWN gets a chance to look at it.

SHAWN:
This is an heirloom. It's worth five million dollars. Lifted from the hotel where they're having the wedding. The wedding's on Saturday. Ooh. Open bar. We're so there.

GUS:
Are we looking at the same thing?

VICK finds them.

VICK:
I told you to wait in my office.

SHAWN:
I had a premonition. Something sparkly. Just over five carats, perfect clarity, slight inclusion. Is this ringing any bells for you?

VICK:
(takes file from GUS and gives it to SHAWN) Solve the case I gave you, then we'll talk. In the meantime, I have a lot of work to complete. (heads for office)

SHAWN:
(reads file) It's the secretary.

VICK:
(stops and turns back) Pardon?

SHAWN:
The secretary. The secretary did it. Now, what can you tell me about the ring I'm envisioning?

VICK:
(takes folder) You barely even looked at this folder.

SHAWN:
It's in the papers.

VICK:
Where?

SHAWN:
The signatures. It's in her handwriting. She's faking her own signature, and later, there's evidence that it’s...

GUS nudges SHAWN in the elbow and SHAWN pretends to have a vision, his hand writing in the air.

SHAWN:
I feel it...in the ink. Very bad vibes. Strong... squidish vibes.

VICK:
We'll check it out. Until then, I trust you can find the door. (heads for office)

SHAWN:
What about the ring?

VICK:
Not until this one is done. (enters office)

GUS heads for the door. SHAWN, with a look at VICK’S office, starts after him.

SHAWN:
Hey, let me gather some information? Make a little headway. Then I'll have a psychic episode that blows the ears right off their skulls.

GUS:
Shawn, I'm in meetings all day. I barely had time to come down here for this. We're doing what the chief says. Period. (slaps SHAWN on the back and leaves)

Left to his own devices, SHAWN sneaks downstairs.

INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY

SHAWN peeks through the window before entering. Inside is a table with four chairs, the board from earlier as well as two women and a man. SHAWN checks the window to make sure no one followed him before turning to those inside.

SHAWN:
So sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Shawn Spencer, Chief Psychic here at the department. (shakes WOMAN 1’S hand)

WOMAN 1:
Thank you so much for helping. This whole thing has been devastating.

SHAWN shakes the MAN’S hand.

MAN:
My hands are still shaking.

WOMAN 1:
You're doing fine.

SHAWN:
Okay, I only have a second. I'll need you to tell me everything I have to know about the case as quickly as humanly possible. (points to photo on the board) What about this guy? (draws a circle in the air over it) What's going on with the best man?

MAN:
I don't know. He's not answering his phone or his door. This day has just been completely unreal...

SHAWN:
Guys, it's going to be fine. You're in good hands. I've never failed in a case.

WOMAN 2:
(removes glasses) I know who you are. I read about you in the paper.

SHAWN:
(sees the papers WOMAN 2 is reading) You did? (walks over to her) You're the sister of the groom. (studies papers and photos as he shakes her hand) And the maid of honor. And the wedding planner?

WOMAN 2:
Correct.

SHAWN:
That is so many hats.

WOMAN 2:
You should see my closet.

SHAWN:
I'm hoping to... but not until I find this ring.

WOMAN 2:
Well, the wedding's tomorrow. How fast are you?

SHAWN:
That depends entirely on how much cooperation I receive.

WOMAN 1:
Why don't you come to the wedding.

SHAWN:
Yeah! No, no, I couldn't possibly impose on you. No.

WOMAN 1:
Please, you're saving us here. You find this ring, we'd owe you everything.

JULIET and LASSITER enter the room.

LASSITER:
What in the hell is going on here?

SHAWN:
I just dropped by to say hello. Guys, this is head detective Carlton Lassiter and his lovely new partner, Juliet. His last one turned out to be his girlfriend, so she was transferred. I'm not sure if that was the only reason. I'll let you decide for yourselves.

LASSITER puts his arm around SHAWN with a fake smile.

LASSITER:
Shall we?

SHAWN:
Sure.

LASSITER takes SHAWN out of the room.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

LASSITER still has his arm around SHAWN’S shoulder.

SHAWN:
If this is some sort of hazing ritual where we're going to end up naked in a river somewhere, (LASSITER is now gripping SHAWN’S shirt collar) I'll need to arrange for a ride home.

LASSITER pushes SHAWN against the column at the base of the stairs.

LASSITER:
Listen to me, Spencer. The department's reputation is on the line with this one. If I catch you anywhere near this case, I will throw every book I can find at you.

SHAWN:
What if you find the Bible? You going to throw that, too? Seems a little sacrilegious, don't you think?

LASSITER forms a fist with his right hand, clenching it tightly as he walks away. The moment SHAWN hears the door close, he puts a hand to his shoulder and makes a pained face.

SHAWN:
Ow!

**************************************************************************
PSYCH

“Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece”
By
Steve Franks

STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen

DIRECTOR
Michael Zinberg

**********************************************************************

EXT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, DAY

GUS is in his car as his cell phone rings.

GUS: (into phone)
Burton Guster. Central Coast Pharmaceuticals.

SHAWN: (over phone)
Dude, I got a suspect.

GUS: (into phone)
I'll call you back later, Shawn.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN is on a corded landline phone.

SHAWN:
No, you can't. I left my cell phone in your car yesterday... along with a tuna sandwich.

EXT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, DAY

GUS sniffs.

SHAWN: (over phone)
I seriously hope you found that.

GUS: (into phone)
Later this afternoon, Shawn.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN:
No, Gus, this happens now. The wedding's tomorrow.

EXT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, DAY

GUS ends the call.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

A hand with a tattoo on the palm reaches out for the phone as SHAWN sighs. SHAWN hands it back and we see that hand belongs to a prisoner and SHAWN was using the phone from inside the cell.

PRISONER:
Is he coming?

SHAWN:
Not yet. But we're getting closer. Thanks, Stabber. (leaves)

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, DAY

SHAWN arrives at the hotel and hides behind a planter as LASSITER, JULIET and two other police stride through.

LASSITER:
Mandatory briefing, Magnolia Room, 15 minutes. Excuse us, please. Attorney General Maxwell.

MAXWELL:
Detective. I trust we're making progress.

The two men shake hands.

LASSITER:
I am right on schedule, sir. I've booked myself a suite to use as a command center.

SHAWN peers through the leaves of the plants to watch the exchange.

MAXWELL:
Why?

LASSITER:
I'll stay the night if I have to, keep an eye on things...

MAXWELL:
The city's not paying for that, is it?

LASSITER:
Uh, no?

MAXWELL:
That ring has been in my family for 200 years. My mother agonized over the decision to give it to my son. I'm not letting it get away now.

LASSITER:
Sir, we are checking every person who came through that door. Every employee. Every guest.

MAXWELL:
Nobody checks out of this hotel until we're just short of going through every piece of their luggage.

LASSITER:
Way ahead of you, sir.

MAXWELL:
No, you're not. (walks away)

LASSITER:
(looks at JULIET) What?

LASSITER looks towards the planter and SHAWN ducks down quickly. LASSITER and JULIET leave. A hotel security GUARD is leaning over behind SHAWN.

GUARD:
Can I help you, sir?

SHAWN:
(thinks) I'm just... listening. (puts ear against planter)

GUARD:
For what?

SHAWN:
For what? (turns his head and sees the GUARD’S protective mask and gloves) Lyme disease.

GUARD:
Lyme disease?

SHAWN:
Lyme disease. Rickets. Avitaminosis. Legionnaire's. Bubonic. You name it. I want you to listen to something. (knocks on base) Do you hear that?

GUARD:
Mmm-hmm.

SHAWN:
We have spores in the wall.

GUARD:
Spores?

SHAWN:
Know where else they are? In the planter. You know where else? (stands) Everywhere in the entire hotel.

GUARD:
Who called you? Mike?

SHAWN:
Mike? Is this a big joke to you? I don't answer to Mike. Have you seen Mike lately? Mike can kiss my ass. I was called in by the state inspector himself. Are you at all aware how dangerous this is?

GUARD:
Hell yes, I am! (puts hand on mask)

SHAWN:
Good. I'm glad. I need access to this whole place...elevator shafts, air vents, the safe room, obviously...

GUARD:
The safe room is a crime scene.

SHAWN:
This eucalyptus will be dead by lunch. The safe room will be a triage unit if I don't get those spores out of there.

GUARD:
(briefly holds mask over nose and mouth) Understood. Can we let the cops finish up in there first?

SHAWN:
You tell them to hurry.

GUARD:
Oh, man. (leaves with mask in place)

After the GUARD leaves, SHAWN heads in the opposite direction.

INT. HOTEL, MAGNOLIA ROOM, DAY

LASSITER is giving his briefing. The TV is showing the surveillance footage of the safe room the night the ring was taken.

LASSITER:
13 minutes after midnight, members of the wedding party entered the safe room, placing the ring into a safety deposit box, which was slid into the safe and closed for the night. No sensors indicate that either the safe door or the lock box was opened again until the following morning. Please note, he has activated the time-lock, which prevents the safe from opening. No one walks into that room again until the following morning, when the ring is discovered missing.

McNAB:
(raises his hand) So it definitely didn't disappear during the night.

LASSITER:
Or so they would like you to think. However, if you look closely, there are nine glitches on this tape.

JULIET:
I'm sorry, glitches?

LASSITER:
Seams, static bursts in the image. Someone could have tapped in an alternate video feed of this room while it was empty. Or, more likely, as I believe, someone built a scale replica of this room.

A man laughs.

LASSITER:
Who laughed? Nobody?

As LASSITER turns to face the board, the man laughs again.

LASSITER:
(turns back) If someone disagrees with my theory, I'd like to know.

JULIET:
It does seem very elaborate.

McNAB:
And just a bit far-fetched.

LASSITER:
Are you a detective? Why are you here?

As LASSITER speaks, the camera pans up to the air vent.

McNAB:
You asked for all of us to come.

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL, AIR DUCT, DAY

We can see LASSITER through the vent.

LASSITER:
Oh, well, Officer, since you're such an expert on fetching,

SHAWN is lying on his stomach listening in on the briefing.

LASSITER:
why don't you fetch me a cup of coffee.

SHAWN laughs again and LASSITER looks up to the vent. McNAB gets up and leaves to get the coffee.

LASSITER:
Moving on. All the employee alibis check out, except this one. (points to photo) Dietrich Mannheim. Currently the facilities manager. You may remember him from the security video. He was in the room when the ring was placed into the safety deposit box.

SHAWN smiles and leans closer over the vent.

LASSITER:
During questioning, he was nervous, evasive, and contradicted himself more than once. His work computer history reveals that he recently visited websites for boats and expensive cars, and he failed to show up for work. Questions?

JULIET:
Is this your only lead?

LASSITER:
His responses to my interrogation were hostile at best.

JULIET:
Clarify "hostile”.

LASSITER:
Use my tone now as a guide.

INT. HOTEL, RESTAURANT, DAY

JULIET is sitting at a table by a large window picking at her food when SHAWN enters. He dusts off his shoulders and slides into the chair across from her.

SHAWN:
Detective O'Hara, all alone.

JULIET:
Well, not anymore, apparently.

SHAWN:
Work troubles? (raises hand to head) Yeah, I'm sensing work troubles. Here, let me read your palm.

JULIET:
How about just one finger?

SHAWN:
Come, now, let me see if I can be helpful.

JULIET:
Why are you here?

SHAWN:
The Maxwell wedding. Honestly. I was invited.

JULIET:
By whom?

SHAWN:
Beth. Bethany. The bride. Little baby "B". The "B" sting. Love her. God, Dylan is so lucky to have her. She grounds him in ways that he needed grounding, don't you think?

JULIET shakes her head and holds out her left hand, palm up.

SHAWN:
She's a good sport.(takes hand in both of his) Air supply? Really? Kidding. Just kidding. Relax. (closes eyes) This is work related. You thought this place would be different, (opens eyes) but nobody respects your opinions. They all think you're too young.

JULIET:
Always.

SHAWN:
Always.

They both realize that SHAWN is holding JULIET’S hand and SHAWN let’s go and leans back in the chair.

SHAWN:
You know, I think you and I could help each other.

JULIET:
And how would that be?

SHAWN:
Well, I know things. Things about rings.

JULIET:
Oh, I thought you were here for a wedding.

SHAWN:
I am... ish.

JULIET looks around the room before putter her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her interlocked fingers. SHAWN mimics her.

JULIET:
You first.

SHAWN smiles.

INT. CCP, GUS’ OFFICE, DAY

A SECRETARY walks up to his office door. GUS is sitting at his desk.

SECRETARY:
I just got a message for you, Mr. Guster, and, um... well, I'm afraid it's about your cat.

GUS:
My cat?

SECRETARY:
The poor thing is in the animal hospital. They think her leg is broken.

GUS:
I'll...I'll get down there later.

SECRETARY:
You're not going?

Another SECRETARY walks down the hall and stands next to the first.

GUS:
I'm very busy.

SECRETARY:
But your cat needs you, for moral support. The vet said it could be the difference.

GUS:
Later.

SECRETARY 2:
You have to go.

SECRETARY:
Mr. Guster, I know that you're in shock. Don't do anything you're going to regret forever.

GUS:
I don't even...

SECRETARY 3:
He's not going?

Giving up the argument, GUS stands, picks up his jacket and leaves his office. The SECRETARY smiles.

EXT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, DAY

GUS exits the building to find SHAWN lying on the front of his company car.

GUS:
So now I have a cat.

SHAWN:
(sits up) An orange tabby. Last Christmas, you made her a tiny Santa hat. It was adorable.

GUS:
Fantastic. I can't even have a make-believe boy cat.

SHAWN:
Gus, a boy cat wouldn't serve my purposes nearly as well. The next time I need you, Pickles is having kittens.

GUS:
"Pickles"?

SHAWN:
"Mrs. Pickles" is her full name. Though I'm not actually sure cats can marry outside of Boston.

GUS:
Yeah, well, in a related issue, I'm blocking your number on all the phones in the office. (heads for the entrance)

SHAWN:
If you think that'll work, I think it's endearing. In the meantime, aren't you the least bit curious about who was there when they put the ring in the hotel safe?

GUS:
(stops and walks back) Wait a minute. This is a safecracking case?

SHAWN:
Did I forget to mention that? (gets off the car and opens the passenger door)

GUS:
What kind of safe?

SHAWN:
The, uh...Hydra 700? (gets in car)

GUS:
The 700 is out? (talks through the window) That's impossible. Nobody could have cracked that.

SHAWN:
(closes door) I haven't even told you about the wall sensors.

GUS:
(looks at the building) Can we be done by 3:00?

SHAWN:
(thinks) Yes.

GUS gets in the car.

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, DAY

There is police tape along the Registration Desk as SHAWN and GUS enter the hotel. Uniformed officers are all around.

SHAWN:
The safe room, right behind that door.

GUS:
What is all this? I thought this was a safe job.

SHAWN:
Oh, uh, Lassiter has this insane idea that this is an elaborate heist, like on par with Ocean's Eleven, or Thomas Crown, or, uh... the one where they kill Donald Sutherland in the first 10 minutes. Remake. Uh...

VICK comes up behind them.

VICK:
Mr. Spencer. Mr. Guster. What a surprise.

SHAWN:
Chief! Lookin' good. You're probably wondering...

VICK:
I sent an officer down to the high school to take a look at your secretary suspect. She cracked. He didn't even get the first question out.

SHAWN:
(surprised) Really? (nudged by GUS) ‘Cause I...envisioned that being harder.

VICK:
Yet I don't recall asking you to come down here to the de la Cruz.

GUS:
Well, we have reason to believe this case goes in a completely different direction.

VICK:
Huh. Let me be perfectly clear. I didn't see you and we didn't talk. Call me if you have something. (leaves)

SHAWN:
I love her.

GUS:
Yeah.

SHAWN and GUS cross the floor to Registration. The CLERK behind the counter waves at SHAWN who motions for him to stop.

GUS:
He knows you?

SHAWN:
I had to lay some groundwork. He doesn't believe in psychics. This is plan "B".

CLERK:
Chief inspector Shawn, how are you?

SHAWN:
(shushes) I'm undercover. Not even the American police know I'm in on this.

CLERK:
(stammers) I'm sorry. I... I blew it again. A... and after you brought me into your confidence...

SHAWN:
Bobby. It's fine. Believe me, these other Interpol guys are very appreciative of what you're doing here.

BOBBY:
(picks up binder bearing Union Flag on the back) How long will you need?

SHAWN:
Just as we discussed. Five minutes, tops. (shakes BOBBY’S hand) You're my man.

BOBBY leaves and SHAWN and GUS go behind the counter.

GUS:
Interpol?

SHAWN:
(uses a computer) That's right. Missing ring division. I was recruited out of North Africa when I was 15.

GUS:
You could have at least used a British accent.

SHAWN:
(British accent) Oh, please, Gus. I started with a British accent, and then seamlessly slipped...( regular voice) into my fake American one. Bobby gave me some pointers. Apparently you Americans say "howdy" a lot. (a pretty woman walks by) Howdy. (watches her)

GUS:
(slaps SHAWN) What are you doing?

SHAWN:
Uh, a list. (pulls folded paper from pants pocket) I made a list of suspects after attending Lassiter's briefing.

GUS:
He let you in his briefing?

SHAWN:
(laughs) He does when you're in the air shaft.

GUS:
(reads list) All your suspects are in the wedding party.

SHAWN:
Look, the only ones who knew they put that ring in the safe were at the rehearsal dinner.

GUS:
So it was an inside job.

SHAWN:
Looking like it.

GUS:
(sees what SHAWN is doing) You're making keys?

SHAWN:
Gus, how else do you expect me to get in the rooms?

GUS:
Shawn, you can't do that.

SHAWN:
Of course I can, I worked at the Hampton Inn for that three-day weekend in Austin when we were 19. I know you remember that. Gus, this is so easy. Try making a key.

GUS only glares at him.

INT. HOTEL, HALL, DAY

SHAWN looks at the door numbers and stops at one of those he was looking for. He uses one of the keys he made. It works.

SHAWN:
Dude, I rule. (looks inside the room) Nope. Innocent. Let's move. (closes door)

GUS:
What are you talking about? We haven't even stepped foot in there.

SHAWN:
Gus, do you need the remedial course? Really?

SHAWN rolls his eyes and opens the door. He sees a set of keys, wallet and glasses on the nightstand.

SHAWN:
Uncle Leo left his wallet on the table. Criminals are sneaky, jaded, suspicious people. They're smart and defensive. This guy has a reason to be trusting. Can we go now?

GUS motions with his hand for SHAWN to continue. SHAWN opens the door across the hall.

INT. HOTEL, BRIDAL SUITE, DAY

Inside are DYLAN, BETHANY, LACEY and other members of the families.

BETHANY:
Shawn?

SHAWN:
Guys. Hey. Uh, your door was open.

DYLAN:
Oh, it was?

SHAWN:
Yes, and I was worried that something horrible had happened. You're...you're okay?

DYLAN:
(takes BETHANY’S hand) Yeah. Yeah.

SHAWN:
(to GUS) I told you we didn't have to come in here. They're fine. Everybody's fine. This is my associate, Gus. You can just call him "Peter Panic”.

DYLAN reaches out to shake GUS’ hand.

GUS:
How you doing?

GUS and SHAWN step down into the room.

DYLAN:
So you're a psychic, too?

GUS:
Well...

SHAWN:
Gus here is a safe expert. Yes, he subscribes to “The Safecracker”, a safecracking...comic book.

SHAWN walks over to LACEY.

GUS:
It's an online magazine. And it's a trade publication.

SHAWN:
(sits by LACEY) Excuse me for saying so, but how exactly do you figure into this legal family?

LACEY:
I started my criminal law degree. Then I came to my senses, went to Europe, painted, slept, ate, sank a boat. (SHAWN gasps) Disappointed?

SHAWN:
Besotted.

GUS:
We'd like to speak to the best man, if possible.

DYLAN:
So would we. Any ideas where he is?

LACEY:
We haven't seen him since the night of the 6th.

SHAWN:
That's the night the ring disappeared.

BETHANY:
The florist quit. So after we dropped the ring off at the safe, we had to wrap bouquets all night in our suite. (sits next to SHAWN)

DYLAN:
Everybody except Jack.

GUS:
Do you think he's a suspect?

DYLAN:
No, we just think he's lazy.

MAXWELL enters from an adjoining room, wrapped present in his hand.

DYLAN:
Hey, Dad, this is Shawn Spencer. He's the psychic I told you about.

SHAWN stands.

MAXWELL:
I know. (shakes SHAWN’S hand) Let's talk. (yanks him by the arm before walking him towards the door, arm about SHAWN’S shoulder) Son, I'm very comfortable with the current direction of the investigation. So let's let the real police department do their job. (opens door)

SHAWN:
Sir, believe me, I am only here to help.

GUS rolls his eyes and walks out the door.

SHAWN:
In fact, I was actually hoping to discuss...

MAXWELL:
I'm glad you understand. (politely pushes SHAWN out the door)

INT. HOTEL, HALL, DAY

SHAWN shakes his hand in the air to restore circulation.

SHAWN:
The guy shook my hand like I stole something.

SHAWN inserts a key card in another door. GUS knocks on the door.

SHAWN:
See? That's why I can't do this job alone.

When no one answers, they go inside.

INT. HOTEL, LASSITER’S SUITE, DAY

The decor and linens are orange. The are two evidence videotapes resting by the TV.

SHAWN:
Wow. That is about as orange as you can get.

GUS:
(closes door) Which suspect's room is this?

SHAWN:
Lassiter's. (starts going through the welcome food basket and takes an apple)

GUS:
The head detective? He has his own room?

SHAWN:
Perhaps paid for by the city.

GUS:
No. No. This has gone too far. We're not staying.

SHAWN:
(opens file) Gus, we need these witness statements. It's not exactly like we're being overwhelmed with cooperation here.

SHAWN throws an apple across the room to GUS. Catching it, barely, GUS then peers through the peephole into the hall. In the file, SHAWN finds a photo of LACEY.

SHAWN:
Oh, Lacey. Lacey, you can sink my boat. (jumps onto the bed with the file, stretches out and takes a bite of apple) Toss me the remote? (GUS throws it at him) Whoa!

GUS begins going through the other files on the counter as SHAWN turns on the TV to a baseball game.

TV ANNOUNCER:
It's the bottom of the eighth inning, and so far...

SHAWN:
What do you got? You got anything good?

GUS:
I hate to say it, but yeah. The Attorney General has an insurance policy on the ring. He'll collect a cool $3 million as long as it still belongs to him, which it does only until these two are married.

SHAWN:
Well, well, well.

They hear someone at the door so they straighten the files and SHAWN ducks down on the far side of the bed and GUS hides behind the counter. We see a pair of feet and then see it is only a bellboy bringing fresh towels. He sees SHAWN.

BELLBOY:
(stammers) I... I'm supposed to knock. Forgive me, Detective.

SHAWN:
Detective?

BELLBOY:
(makes a face) Head Detective. Sorry.

SHAWN and GUS both get up.

BELLBOY:
I was told you wouldn't be here until 6:00 tonight.

SHAWN:
That's right. 6:00 tonight. Head detective. I changed my plan. Please don't tell anyone.

BELLBOY:
Absolutely, sir. (zips lip)

SHAWN:
Thanks. 6:00, huh?

BELLBOY:
Is there anything I can do for you while I'm here?

SHAWN:
As a matter of fact, yes, there is. We'd like a room service menu delivered immediately.

The BELLBOY smiles and salutes.

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, DAY

SHAWN and GUS enter from the west elevator. SHAWN is eating some pastry/bread.

GUS:
In Lassiter's photo, there didn't appear to be a mark on that safe. I don't care how good you are, you don't crack a Hydra without leaving some sort of visible residue. We need to see that safe.

SHAWN:
That's going to be a little difficult.

Officers are blocking the entrance to the safe room.

SHAWN:
How close do you need to be?

INT. HOTEL, KITCHEN, DAY

SHAWN and GUS sneak into the kitchen.

GUS:
Is there a secret back door through the kitchen?

SHAWN:
No, we're going to take the air vents. Unfortunately, both my access points are blocked by Santa Barbara's finest.

SHAWN stops at the dumbwaiter.

GUS:
You think I'm going in there?

SHAWN:
You know you want to.

GUS:
Not in this suit.

SHAWN:
Do you want to see the safe or not? Look, this'll be easy. We take this dumbwaiter up to the grate, pop the screen, crawl right through the shafts. Three rights and a left. We check our progress through the vents.

SHAWN opens the dumbwaiter and gasps when he sees the body inside. GUS puts a hand to his mouth and whimpers. SHAWN then notices the blood dripping from the body’s ear and the nametag: Dietrich Mannheim. He also sees the tips of his shoes and the scuff marks on the wall.

SHAWN:
Isn't it kind of weird how the body's just shoved in here?

GUS:
No, what's weird is there's a dead guy in a dumbwaiter and we're standing here staring at it, waiting for somebody to find us. Let's go!

SHAWN:
This is Lassiter's suspect.

GUS:
Shawn, close the hatch and keep your voice down. I don't want to explain how we got in here.

SHAWN:
I just need to see one thing.

SHAWN’S cellphone rings and the two of them fumble through SHAWN’S pockets to answer it quickly. GUS gets it and then SHAWN grabs it from him.

SHAWN:
You answered it. Uh, hello?

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY

HENRY is sitting at his desk and there is a box of trophies and stuff on the table behind him.

HENRY:
Three days, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Dad, hey! Going to have to call you back.

HENRY:
No, no, (stands and walks across room) you were supposed to call me yesterday, you were supposed to call me the day before. We need to handle this now.

SHAWN:
Dad, I'm a little busy right now.

HENRY:
Shawn, just tell me when you're going to come by and pick up the box of trophies.

SHAWN:
Really tough to be sure.

HENRY:
Last week, you were all gung-ho about getting this stuff back. I went upstairs, I brought it down for you, it's sitting in the middle of my kitchen table. I need my kitchen table, Shawn.

SHAWN:
You're right. Can I please call you back, Dad?

HENRY:
How about you just give me an answer?

SHAWN:
Tonight. Uh, no. Tomorrow.

HENRY:
Tomorrow. Wonderful. Otherwise, I am putting it outside, and that's where it's sitting. (sits) Now, how hard was that?

SHAWN:
So easy. Anything else?

HENRY:
No, unless, of course, you need something.

SHAWN:
Nope, I'm good. Actually, wait, I do have one question.

HENRY:
Go ahead.

SHAWN:
How long does it take before a dead body starts to smell bad?

HENRY:
(laughs) God...(hangs up)

INT. HOTEL, BAR, DAY

SHAWN and GUS leave through the bar.

GUS:
Did you wipe our fingerprints off?

SHAWN:
Of course I did. We were never there.

GUS:
We need to call the Chief soon. If Dietrich was a part of this, he's not anymore.

LASSITER and O’HARA enter while SHAWN and GUS are leaving.

LASSITER:
Why is it the Attorney General has to call me wondering why some civilian is wandering around, grilling his entire family?

SHAWN:
Wait a second. The Attorney General has your number? What, are you guys tight? Give it up. What's the story?

LASSITER:
He also told me to keep you out of here by any means necessary,(grips SHAWN’S shoulders) which opens up an entire world of exciting possibilities for me personally. (pushes SHAWN forward)

SHAWN groans and jerks his body around back towards the kitchen as he has a “vision”.

SHAWN:
Gus! Gus!

LASSITER, JULIET and GUS follow.

INT. HOTEL, KITCHEN, DAY

SHAWN burst through the door, still in the throes of his “vision”.

SHAWN:
Oh, it's too much! It's too much! Too much!

LASSITER reaches for his gun.

JULIET:
You're not going to shoot him, are you?

LASSITER:
I haven't decided.

SHAWN:
Oh, my ear! (has left hand over left ear) Gus, my ear!

LASSITER:
Oh, for the love of Mike! You are not going to escape, so will you just give it up?

LASSITER grabs SHAWN – or tries to – and pushes him against the work counter. SHAWN keeps twisting, grabbing at utensils and pots as they progress.

LASSITER:
Give it up!

SHAWN presses a towel over LASSITER’S face.

SHAWN:
Check the dumbwaiter! Open the dumbwaiter! Detective O'Hara!

LASSITER tries to lift SHAWN, at least one leg. JULIET opens the dumbwaiter and the body falls out.

JULIET:
Oh, my God! (tries to push the body back)Lassiter. Lassiter.

GUS looks away. LASSITER releases SHAWN and looks at the dumbwaiter dumbfounded.

JULIET:
Lassiter…Get over here!

LATER>>>>>

SOCO is taking photos of the dumbwaiter and the Coroner’s Office is there to take the body.


LASSITER:
Let's go. Get him in the van. Come on. You two, out. (grabs SHAWN by the back of the jacket and forces him along)

SHAWN:
Don't we get to wait around for the autopsy?

LASSITER:
We'll call you if we need you.

MAXWELL enters the kitchen.

MAXWELL:
Detective.

LASSITER:
Sir.

MAXWELL and LASSITER walk towards the dumbwaiter.

MAXWELL:
Shut this down. Keep it quiet. Nobody in the wedding party is to know about this. They've been through enough.

LASSITER:
Yes, sir.

MAXWELL looks into the dumbwaiter.

MAXWELL:
So, this is it.

SHAWN:
Well, that ought to keep them busy for a while.

INT. HOTEL, LASSITER’S SUITE, DAY

SHAWN sits back on the bed having turned on the TV.

GUS:
Can we at least watch the tape in another room besides Lassiter's?

SHAWN has kicked his shoes off and has the basket of food resting next to him.

SHAWN:
Gus, he's not coming back.

GUS:
Are you sure about that?

SHAWN:
Yes. Didn't you check his messages? Are you going to have some cookies?

GUS:
(crosses arms) No.

SHAWN:
You want to finish my banana?

GUS:
I want to leave.

The footage from the safe room plays on the TV.

SHAWN:
Look at the best man. He's smashed. And look at his hair. It's horrible.

GUS:
That's it?

SHAWN:
Hmm. We have to watch it again.

There’s a knock on the door.

SHAWN:
It's open!

GUS:
"It's open"? What are you doing?

DYLAN enters with a six-pack of beer.

DYLAN:
Oh, what, am I early?

SHAWN:
Big Dyl! You're right on time. (to GUS) Did I forget to mention that we're hosting the bachelor party?

GUS shoots daggers at SHAWN before walking over to the bar and leaning on it. DYLAN offers him a beer.

GUS:
No, thank you.

LATER>>>>

The bachelor party is underway. SHAWN is in the middle of telling a joke/story.


SHAWN:
Dude says, "Uh-oh. I thought you said you wanted it inside the pinata!”

They all laugh.

SHAWN:
Eat! Eat like men! (runs over to where GUS is standing against the wall) You're really mad?

GUS:
We have less than 12 hours to solve the case, and you're throwing a kegger in a police officer's room. Why would I be mad?

SHAWN:
Gus, his best man was a total washout. He wasn't going to plan anything.

GUS:
We have to dig information out of suspects, and you're wasting time.

SHAWN:
Dylan!

DYLAN:
Dude! You, wow! Yes, (mimics visions with sound) wow!

SHAWN:
Gus here has some questions for you, you flaxen-haired Argonaut.

DYLAN:
Anything for you two. I love you guys.

SHAWN:
I've found that they're particularly forthcoming with information while in this state. For example, I've eliminated every suspect here. Although there is a guy stealing cable and another refilling his minibar bottles with shampoo, but I don't think these are gateway crimes to a jewelry heist.

A drunk DYLAN comes over to them.

DYLAN:
Seriously. Gus, come on, give me a kiss.

GUS and SHAWN look at each other.

DYLAN:
No, no, nothing weird. On my cheek.

GUS:
(jabs SHAWN with his elbow) Get me out of here.

SHAWN:
I think it's your turn to dig.

GUS:
Do you know who stole the ring?

DYLAN:
No. And to be honest, I don't care. I didn't even want the damn thing. Okay, the night that we announced our engagement, no, my dad stops dinner, right in the middle of my speech. (sits) So, he goes and gets my grandmother's ring. What am I supposed to say? "No"? So now it's not about us. It's about him again. I mean, forget the fact that I just chose the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but if it were up to me, I'd just as soon we stop looking.

GUS:
Cross him off.

SHAWN:
Dylan, how is Dad? I mean, financially, would you say everything is...

DYLAN passes out.

SHAWN:
Okay.

GUS:
So much for that.

SHAWN:
Dylan was the only shot we had in this room, but that's okay. We have other suspects in this hotel.

SHAWN picks up a beer from the bar.

SHAWN:
At least take a traveler.

GUS takes it from him and puts it back. They leave the room.

INT. HOTEL, BRIDAL SUITE, NIGHT

The women are having the bachelorette party. SHAWN and GUS have infiltrated and are drinking shots with them. SHAWN has a flowered boa wrapped around his neck.

SHAWN:
Ah! Sweet nectar!

GUS:
Yeah! All right!

SHAWN:
It's crazy running into you guys here. What are the odds?

SHAWN and GUS flop back on the couch.

SHAWN:
You got anything?

GUS:
These girls are not criminals.

SHAWN:
Well, it was worth a shot.

LACEY sits next to SHAWN.

LACEY:
You want to get out of here?

SHAWN:
Yes, I do.

LACEY takes him by the hand and they get up. SHAWN removes the boa.

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, NIGHT

SHAWN and LACEY exit the elevator hand-in-hand.

SHAWN:
So how you holding up?

LACEY:
I'm good. My dad brought in all this extra security for some reason.

SHAWN:
Can he afford that?

LACEY:
What do you mean?

SHAWN:
I don't know. It's just... It was a tough year financially for a lot of people...

LACEY:
What are you getting at?

SHAWN:
I'm just making random conversation.

LACEY gasps as they reach the refrigerator that houses the bouquets.

LACEY:
Here's my bouquet.

SHAWN:
Oh, it’s fantastic.

LACEY:
Well, it's subpar. I was rushed. All that craziness. I wish I could fix it.

SHAWN:
Well, let's just...let's just take it out. (goes to open door)

LACEY:
It's locked.

SHAWN:
They lock up flowers?

LACEY:
I bet you could open it. You have good hands.

The elevator bell dings and SHAWN looks over his shoulder to see GUS walk out, his shirt unbuttoned showing a patch of shaving cream on his chest. There is also cream along his head like a laurel wreath.

GUS:
Shawn!

SHAWN:
Excuse me.

GUS:
You left me in there.

SHAWN:
(walks over to GUS) Yes, I did, and you're very welcome.

GUS:
I just got a lap dance from Patrick Swayze.

SHAWN:
What do you mean? Like an impersonator?

GUS:
No, I think it was actually Patrick Swayze. I'm going home. We're done. All we've done is eliminate suspects. We're back where we started.

SHAWN:
Oh, Gus, we're fine. We've got the wedding ceremony tomorrow to solve the case.

GUS:
Oh, oh, okay. So we can do what an entire police force can't in two hours?

SHAWN:
Hmm. Okay, you're right. We should totally get there half an hour early.

GUS just points at him at walks away back to the elevator.

INT. HOTEL, BRIDAL SUITE, DAY

SHAWN enters wearing a nice suit with a white shirt and grey tie. He is carrying a present. BETHANY is in her gown and the bridesmaids are wearing mint green dresses with spaghetti straps. LACEY is pacing.

SHAWN:
Ah, you are the most beautiful bride in this room. (gives BETHANY the present)

BETHANY:
Thank you. (sets down present)

SHAWN:
Does anyone need help?

LACEY:
The bouquets still aren't here. We might as well not even have the ceremony.

SHAWN:
(walks to LACEY) Okay, you, relax. Breathe. (rubs his hands along her arms) Think happy thoughts. Puffy clouds, mac and cheese, Lou Diamond Phillips...(the bouquets arrive) Look, it worked.

LACEY pushes SHAWN aside and rushes to the wheeled table where a maid starts taking the bouquets out of the water.

LACEY:
What are you doing?

MAID:
Helping.

LACEY:
No, those bouquets are very specific.(takes bouquets from MAID)

MAID:
They look identical, ma'am.

BETHANY:
(to SHAWN) It's my wedding. Shouldn't I be the one freaking out?

SHAWN:
Plenty of time for that later.

LACEY:
(searches flowers) Where is it? Where's my bouquet?

BETHANY:
She's really a very nice person under normal circumstances.

SHAWN:
(walks over to LACEY) Lace? Everything okay up here? You all right?

LACEY:
(finds bouquet) Yeah. Sorry. I think I'm having sympathy Bridezilla. I'm good now.

SHAWN:
Great

The Flower Girl sits by BETHANY on the couch.

BETHANY:
EMMA doesn't want to wear the flower in her hair.

LACEY goes over and squats down in front of EMMA.

LACEY:
But these are magic flowers.

LACEY reaches behind EMMA’S ear and retrieves a flower. EMMA gasps in surprise. SHAWN seems impressed.

LACEY:
Do you want one now?

EMMA nods excitedly.

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, DAY

LASSITER is looking at pages of receipts for his suite.

BOBBY:
I don't know what to tell you, sir, but these are the charges.

LASSITER:
$1600 for a junior suite? With a queen bed?

BOBBY:
Well, the room was a small portion. However, it's all your room charges that drove up your bill.

LASSITER:
I was hardly even in the room.

BOBBY:
I'm sorry, Detective Lassiter, but that's what it says here.

BELLBOY:
This isn't Detective Lassiter.

LASSITER:
I beg your pardon?

BELLBOY:
Oh, he's a shorter guy. Brown hair. Suede jacket. Helped him fill the Jacuzzi with champagne last night.

LASSITER:
(through clenched teeth) Really? If I brought this man here, could you identify him?

BELLBOY:
Oh, absolutely. In fact, I can tell you where he is. He's over at the Maxwell wedding. The chapel is just outside the east lawn.

LASSITER:
I'll be right back.

INT. CHAPEL, DAY

The couple is saying their vows.

MINISTER:
"I, Dylan, take you, Bethany... "

DYLAN:
I, Dylan, take you, Bethany...

MINISTER:
"to be my wife... "

DYLAN:
to be my wife...

LASSITER and JULIET enter.

MINISTER:
"that you will be a faithful friend... "

DYLAN:
that you will be a faithful friend...

GUS comes in behind the detectives.

MINISTER:
"and a true and loving companion. "

DYLAN:
and a true and loving companion.

MINISTER:
"I give to you my sacred vow…"

DYLAN:
I give to you my sacred vow…

GUS:
(cuts between them) Excuse me.

LASSITER starts after him, but JULIET takes his arm.

JULIET:
I think we should wait until the ceremony's over.

LASSITER:
Fine. (crosses arms)

GUS takes a seat next to SHAWN.

GUS:
Nice suit. Where'd you get that from?

SHAWN:
Gus, don't underestimate me, or my wardrobe.

GUS:
(sees tag hidden under lapel) Then you might want to remove...

SHAWN:
Don't pull that off. Don't, don't, don't. I'll just slide it... (tucks it back in place)

GUS turns back to the detectives and LASSITER holds up a key card between his fingers. GUS turns back.

GUS:
They're here for you.

SHAWN:
Not if I solve this case first.

GUS:
Good plan. You've got about five minutes.

SHAWN:
I already know who did it.

GUS:
No, you don't. How is that possible? Between all that, when you said your girlfriend just had an aneurysm because she got the wrong bouquet, you had the time to put all that out of your mind and solve the case?

SHAWN:
Gus...

GUS:
what?

MINISTER:
And now for a moment of silence.

Everyone in the chapel bows their head.

SHAWN:
Gus, I seriously do have a guess.

GUS:
Probability of being right?

SHAWN:
I don't know, high 60s?

GUS:
Close your mouth.

SHAWN:
But the person's in the room.

A woman sitting two pews in front of them shushes them.

SHAWN:
The thief could escape. Shouldn't I stop the wedding?

GUS:
No, under no circumstances are you allowed to stop this wedding.

MINISTER:
If there's any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.

After an internal debate, SHAWN stands.

SHAWN:
I have something. It's not necessarily marriage-related. I hope that's not a problem.

MINISTER:
Sir, please...

SHAWN:
I know who stole the ring.

LACEY:
You cannot do this, Shawn. This wedding has taken over a year to plan.

JULIET pulls out her radio.

LASSITER:
What are you doing?

JULIET:
Radioing the chief.

SHAWN:
(puts a hand to his head, eyes closed) I can see it. I can feel it. I can now feel the ring. (opens eyes) It's in this room. It's in the room. It's in this room.

GUS:
(pulls SHAWN down) They wouldn't bring the stolen ring to the ceremony, you moron.

SHAWN:
They would if they couldn't get to it till today. (stands) Lacey, I'm so sorry. And believe me when I say, I really, really, really wish it wasn't you.

LACEY:
Me? Are you crazy? I'm the one who's done all the work.

SHAWN:
Yes, you are, and we're all very impressed, but it was also an excellent cover, wasn't it?

LACEY:
You are crazy, Shawn. And by the way, we're officially off for next Friday.

SHAWN falls to his knees as the “vision” hits him. We “see” everything as he explains it.

SHAWN:
Oh, boy! I can see it now! You're at the dinner table. They're announcing the engagement. You're thrilled, of course. You and Bethany have been best friends forever. Dad... Dad has a surprise for the happy couple. What could it be? Wait a minute. You didn't know the ring was going to Dylan. (stands) You were always your grandmother's favorite, and you're the oldest girl. That ring should be yours, right? Right. You were counting on that ring. It was your future. (goes on his knees, his hands resting on a guest) Sorry. I can see you plotting. I can see you plotting right there at the dinner table, but Dad... Dad throws a curveball.(stands) No, it was a slider. He's overly cautious, because sometimes engagements end. Not you guys. It's okay. They're not letting go of the ring until the wedding, which means you have a very small window within which to grab it.

BETHANY looks at LACEY, asking for the truth.

MINISTER:
Does all of this have anything to do with why these two shouldn't be married?

SHAWN:
No, sir. No, it doesn't at all, actually. (clears throat) Oh, boy! Oh, boy. Oh, boy. (waggles ring finger on left hand) Of course, you insisted it be used during the rehearsal, so then you had your chance.

VICK arrives.

SHAWN:
While everyone else was fawning over the ring, you made one final adjustment. It looked like you just straightened it out and put it right back, but you never did, did you? No, Lacey, because you... have magic hands... which I was really looking forward to on Friday. Everyone was fooled. Everyone was fooled except... Dietrich Mannheim, who hadn't yet discovered how to use this information to his benefit.

LACEY:
This is first-rate fiction, Shawn. Unfortunately, there's no evidence.

SHAWN:
There would have been no evidence if you could have gotten away that night. But there was a problem. (groans and staggers to a flower vase on a pedestal) Yes! You were called away. (sniffs the flowers and hugs the bouquet) The florist. The florist bailed on you. The bouquets. You got a last-minute batch of materials, and the bouquets would now have to be crafted by hand. There was no other time but now. You looked for a way out, but there was none. You had a $5 million ring that was about to be discovered missing any minute hidden in your palm, and you were going to have to pull an all-nighter in a room with eight other people. You thought you could get back into the cooler later and grab it, but they kept their flowers locked up. (standing in front of LACEY) So you had to have your specific bouquet or else. Lacey, you're not an unreasonable person. You're just a thief. Or at least you were a thief until Dietrich Mannheim called, told you that he was on to you. He wanted a piece of that action, too, or he was going to the police. You tried to talk him down, but he got rough. It got ugly. It was all spinning out of control. Eventually, they were going to find that body, so you started laying out clues. You sent the police off in all directions, because you'd grown up hearing all about crime scenes. I would say that's fortuitous, because you knew just what to leave, didn't you?

LACEY:
I have worked 18 hours a day on this wedding. I have sacrificed my weekends. I will not be treated this way.

SHAWN:
Then show us your bouquet, Lacey.

SHAWN looks back towards the detectives and starts to mouth “She’s the” but then LACEY makes a run for it.

SHAWN:
Who, whoa, whoa! She's running? In those heels, really?

No one knows what to do. The guests and wedding party just stand there murmuring.

GUS:
We have to chase her, too?

SHAWN:
But we have no evidence except for that ring.

INT. CHAPEL, HALL, DAY

LACEY runs down the hallway and turns to her right. GUS, LASSITER, JULIET and VICK cut her off. She turns to run the other way and trips over the outstretched foot of an older guest asleep in a chair. LACEY falls into the gift table and the bouquet goes flying. GUS catches it. GUS reaches under the wrapping and pulls out the ring. SHAWN arrives the same LACEY had come.

SHAWN:
Dude, you're next.

MAXWELL brushes past SHAWN to go to LACEY.

INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, DAY

LASSITER is pulling SHAWN by the arm towards Registration.

SHAWN:
Come on. You're still angry, even after I solved your crime?

LASSITER:
Is this the man?

The BELLBOY looks over at BOBBY, who shakes his head.

BELLBOY:
No.

LASSITER:
This guy was not in my room?

BELLBOY:
I've never seen him before.

SHAWN:
You got a room? Why? We should have a party.

LASSITER:
Get out of my sight. (walks away)

SHAWN:
(fistbumps BELLBOY)(British accent) Thank you, Bobby. Interpol appreciates both of your efforts.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

LACEY is taken away in handcuffs. SHAWN and GUS follow out of the room.

SHAWN:
I love weddings. Don't you?

GUS:
I didn't exactly think it was appropriate for you to give the toast.

SHAWN:
Well, the best man was unprepared. Someone had to step in. Besides, it was like a practice run for your wedding.

GUS:
(scoffs) You are not going to be my best man.

SHAWN:
You bet your ass I am. I've already picked out which song I'm singing at the altar.

GUS:
Really?

SHAWN:
You still like Ted Nugent? (GUS walks away) Remind me to show you your vows. They're going to make you cry. Gus... (follows after)