?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
27 October 2011 @ 06:55 pm
Transcript: Psych 1x01 Pilot (2/2)  



EXT. COUNTRY ROAD, MORNING

SHAWN is speeding along the road and a police chases them with sirens on. The OFFICER pulls them over and walks to the car.

GUS:
Well, we're off to a banner start.

SHAWN:
Just let me do the talking. (pulls driver’s license from pocket)

OFFICER:
Morning, gentlemen.

SHAWN:
Hello, Officer. (hands over license)

OFFICER:
(turns over license to see card stuck on the back) What's this?

SHAWN:
Whoops. It's my dad's old police business card. Must've stuck in back there. Guess I've been carrying that in my wallet for ages. Can never be too careful coming from a family of cops.

OFFICER:
Henry Spencer's your dad?

SHAWN:
Yes. Yes, he is.

OFFICER:
Well, how's old Henry doing?

SHAWN:
Oh, you know Henry. He's great. Retired. Living in Miami.

OFFICER:
I saw Henry three weeks ago at the Home Depot.

SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, that... that sounds about right. He popped into down for a few days, grabbed some supplies, some wood.

OFFICER:
Said he'd been back for over a year.

SHAWN:
And now he's back. Running around doing his thing Henry style.

OFFICER:
Tell your dad the Kingfisher says hello. (hands license back)

SHAWN:
Will do. Thank you, Officer.

The OFFICER walks back to his car.

GUS:
Your dad's back at the house?

SHAWN:
Apparently.

EXT. WOODS, DAY

SHAWN hurries along the path as GUS follows.

SHAWN:
Dude, I'm so excited. This is my first use of spy technology. (peers through binoculars)

GUS:
Yeah, it would seem much cooler if it didn't have Sports Illustrated pasted on the side.

SHAWN:
(looks at logo) Came with the subscription.

SHAWN resumes looking through the binoculars at the cabin across the lake from them. They can see a couple of kayaks and a red sports car.

GUS:
Are you going to tell me why we're here?

SHAWN:
This is the Orso family cabin where young Malcolm and young Camden spent all their summers growing up.

GUS:
Wouldn't the police have checked this out?

SHAWN:
Malcolm is so far out on the periphery of Camden's life. He's not on the witness list. He's not on anybody's list. (puts down binoculars) This is a great plan. Camden McCallum deserves to be commended. (looks through binoculars)

GUS:
Maybe you should date him too.

SHAWN:
(lowers binoculars) Maybe I will.

GUS:
(grabs binoculars) Let me see. (looks through binoculars) Let's see here.

Through the binoculars, GUS sees Camden MacCallum’s dog trotting along the shore of the lake.

GUS:
Oh no way.

SHAWN:
What?

GUS:
It's Camden's dog.

SHAWN:
Get... dude! Dude!

GUS:
(lowers binoculars) Oh, my gosh. I can't believe we did this. This is unbelievable. What?

They start jumping in excitement.

GUS:
Okay, okay, okay. Wait. Okay, wait. Let's call the cops. No, no, no. Let's call the chief. That's what we're gonna do. Call the chief. Yeah. (looks through binoculars)

SHAWN:
No, no, no. No, no, no. Gus, Gus.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
We don't call anyone.

GUS:
(lowers binoculars) What?

SHAWN:
Then later at headquarters, I suddenly and miraculously have a vision.

GUS:
A vision?

SHAWN:
A vision of stuff we saw. Like, uh, like the road sign with the two bullet holes. Like the red kayak, the yellow kayak. And the highway with numbers. Oh, I'm seeing... what am I seeing? 8-3-1.

GUS:
We're on highway 138.

SHAWN:
Exactly. In the spirit world, things get jumbled and out of sequence. But my premonition becomes clear when we all jump in the squad car together. By the way, let me sit next to that junior detective.

GUS:
Shawn, please.

SHAWN:
An, at last, we lead them here. Then finally, we both put on our surprise faces as I guide them to the cabin for the "first time”. This is mine. (gasps and shows his surprise face) What do you got?

GUS’ expression doesn’t change as he tosses the binoculars at SHAWN and walks away.

SHAWN:
Gus, that's horrible. It doesn't convey surprise at all. Gus! (runs after GUS)

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN and GUS park the car and walk along the street.

SHAWN:
All right, let me do the talking.

GUS:
Is there even an option?

SHAWN:
I want... I want a lot of witnesses for my miraculous vision.

GUS sees LASSITER and LUCINDA walking along the sidewalk.

GUS:
Yeah, yeah. There they go. Detectives!

SHAWN and GUS run up to them.

GUS:
Detectives! Detectives! We have a breakthrough.

SHAWN:
It is very important.

LASSITER:
I also have something important. I call it lunch. Make an appointment.

GUS:
But this is...

LASSITER:
You don't have my interest. You don't have my ear. Find a beat cop. Tell your story. Maybe I'll read the report. Good day, gentlemen. (to LUCINDA) After you.

SHAWN:
Detective! (pretends to have a vision) Don't eat the chicken.

LASSITER and LUCINDA enter the restaurant.

GUS:
Don't eat the chicken?

SHAWN jerks his head and they cross the road.

INT. RESTAURANT, DAY

LUCINDA and LASSITER enter the restaurant. They sit at a table and look out the open window where they can see SHAWN and GUS cross the street.

LUCINDA:
He's got your number.

LASSITER:
He's got nothing. (to WAITRESS) I'll have the chicken enchilada. Extra chicken.

WAITRESS:
Okay.

LUCINDA:
I'll have the cheese quesadilla.

WAITRESS:
Coming right up. (leaves)

LASSITER:
Coward.

LUCINDA:
You're mad because he pegged us as a couple.

LASSITER:
(leans back and scoffs) He was tipped off. Did you tell anyone?

LUCINDA:
Why would I tell anyone? Let everyone think I'm working my way up the ladder the hard way? You're barely
separated.

LASSITER:
It's been five months.

A waiter brings their water. LASSITER looks into the kitchen and sees the cook.

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are leaning against a rail and watching the detectives inside.

GUS:
So the plan was to annoy them into believing you.

SHAWN:
Billy Camp's working the grill.

GUS:
So?

SHAWN:
So? Billy Camp has the worst hay fever I've ever seen. Feel this wind? Feel it?

INT. RESTAURANT, DAY

LASSITER hears Billy Camp sneeze and looks into the kitchen to see him sneezing while holding the chicken.

LASSITER:
I will be right back.

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN:
Here we go. Act natural.

LASSITER:
(steps onto sidewalk) Okay. What is it?

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD, MORNING

LASSITER and LUCINDA are in the front, LASSITER behind the wheel. In the back seat, SHAWN practices his surprise face while GUS glares at him and then slaps him.

EXT. WOODS, DAY

LASSITER parks the car and they all get out.

LASSITER:
This is great. Now what?

SHAWN:
Does anyone have any binoculars? (starts down the trail)

LASSITER:
No. No. You see, we don't carry binoculars.

SHAWN takes his from his back pocket.

SHAWN:
Ooh, never mind. I found some here in my pocket. (stops and looks through binoculars) There it is! Just like I saw it.

They continue on to where SHAWN and GUS stood earlier. LASSITER takes the binoculars.

LASSITER:
Want to tell me what I'm looking for, please?

SHAWN:
Uh, I'm... I'm not sure exactly. I see a bone?

LASSITER:
What, a human bone?

SHAWN:
No. No. Rawhide? And a ball.

LASSITER:
(sees the dog) Holy crap. (lowers binoculars) Call for backup.

LUCINDA heads back to the car.

SHAWN:
(feigned surprise) What? What do you see, detective?

EXT. CABIN, DAY

The SWAT team rushes the cabin. An ambulance and police cars line the road to the cabin. SHAWN and GUS follow LASSITER and LUCINDA up the road.

SHAWN:
I can't believe they won't let us in. This is lame.

GUS:
And you were so polite when you asked the S.W.A.T. Team to issue you the Luger.

SHAWN:
Just make sure you act in awe of me when they come to say I was completely right. Oh, and maybe a little afraid like my powers could possibly be used for evil.

Camden’s dog comes running up to them and GUS puts his hands up and goes into a crouch.

GUS:
Oh, watch out! Watch out!

SHAWN:
Whoa! Whoa! (kneels to pet it) For what, it’s tongue?

GUS:
That thing could be vicious!

SHAWN:
Yeah, and diabolical with its calculated decoy tail-wagging.

GUS:
There’s blood on its whiskers.

SHAWN:
That’s not blood, that’s Snausages.

GUS:
Are you sure?

SHAWN:
Yes, I’m sure. Either that, or he just mauled a mountain lion. C’mon, Gus.

An OFFICER walks up to them.

OFFICER:
Mr. Spencer, follow me.

SHAWN stands, gives GUS a double thumbs-up and they follow the OFFICER to the cabin. The dog trots after them.

SHAWN:
Now if there's any press, make sure you mention our agency.

GUS:
We don't have an agency.

SHAWN:
Yes, we do. I applied for a DBA on-line, which reminds me, we're going to need a name. “Mindmasters”? Already taken. Make sure you tell them that we do private cases, ‘cause I bet the department's only going to be good for one or two months.

GUS:
You tell them.

SHAWN:
I can't. I'm secretive, mysterious, enigmatic.

GUS:
Delusional.

SHAWN:
Remember, act surprised.

SHAWN and GUS enter the cabin.

INT. CABIN, DAY

The police are working in the cabin and VICK holds a handkerchief to her nose. LASSITER and LUCINDA looks at SHAWN as he walks in.

SHAWN:
Wow. It is just like I saw before.

There are two dead bodies in the room; one lying on the floor, blood around the head, and the other sitting in a chair, bloody chest, gun in his hand. SHAWN also *sees* a tipped over coffee cup on the floor and the coffee pot on the stove looked like like it had boiled over. He also sees blood and some hair on the corner of the table. The detectives watch SHAWN.

GUS:
Pardon me, ladies, gentlemen. (runs from the cabin screaming)

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN and GUS stand in front of VICK’S desk.

VICK:
The department has been approved to call on you again, Mr. Spencer. And even though this case didn't end up exactly the way we hoped, (gives SHAWN check, GUS takes it from him) I thank you for your services. (shakes SHAWN’S hand) You were invaluable. Thank you.(shakes GUS’ hand)

GUS:
Thank you.

VICK sits behind her desk and SHAWN sits as well.

SHAWN:
You're making a huge mistake. This case isn't closed.

VICK:
Pardon me?

GUS sits.

SHAWN:
Murder, suicide? Come on, you're buying that?

VICK:
I'm not buying anything. Those are the facts.

GUS:
I buy it. (slaps SHAWN on the arm and stands)

SHAWN:
I understand, I do. You'd like to shut the book on this as quickly as possible. It's fine.

GUS sits back down.

VICK:
They had a falling out.

SHAWN:
Why? What did they have to fight about before they got the cash?

VICK:
Might I remind you, Mr. Spencer, you are not a detective.

SHAWN:
I just need to speak to the witnesses again.

VICK:
The McCallum family has been through enough, and this conversation is over.

GUS:
Thank you. (stands) Uh, we parked in a parking structure, do you validate?

VICK just looks at GUS.

SHAWN:
Would it make any difference if I told you Camden McCallum Jr. spoke to me... from beyond the grave?

VICK:
(points to the door) Shut the door on your way out.

GUS slaps SHAWN on the arm.

SHAWN:
Damn it. (stands)

SHAWN and GUS exit the office.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, BULLPEN, DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk through the room.

GUS:
What are you doing? That was the chief of police.

SHAWN:
Interim chief. And have you considered that Camden McCallum may have been alive the first time we went to that cabin?

GUS:
No.

SHAWN:
Well, I have.

SHAWN looks into one of the offices and sees MacCALLUM shaking hands with LASSITER. MacCALLUM’S right wrist is bandaged.

SHAWN:
I need to talk to that guy.

GUS:
Whoa, whoa. No.

SHAWN:
Come on, Gus. Just for a second. The man is practically almost my father-in-law.

GUS:
Make no mistake, Shawn, I will kill you.

SHAWN:
Okay. I appreciate the fact that you think you can beat me up. But I think our last scuffle proves otherwise.

GUS:
Are you talking about the Cinnamon Festival?

SHAWN:
Yes! You do remember!

GUS:
Okay. First of all, I was six, and I had a cast!

SHAWN:
Which many would construe as a clear advantage. It's like having a weapon attached to your arm. Oh, great, now the chief is staring right at us. (rushes the door as it opens) Mr. McCallum!

LUCINDA comes out and cuts him off.

LUCINDA:
Chief wants them left alone.

SHAWN:
Well, we all want to be left alone.

LUCINDA:
Yeah, some more than others.

SHAWN:
What's with his wrist?

LUCINDA:
You don't give up, do you?

SHAWN:
I do give up. All the time. But not until the moment is right. Now come on. I know you don't think this adds up either.

LUCINDA:
Okay, the rumor is he tried to off himself.

SHAWN:
Off himself. The war hero? The man who's seen everything? No. That's not it. That's definitely not it.

LUCINDA:
You know everything, don't you?

SHAWN:
Yeah. It's scary, isn't it? Something is going on, and I'm gonna find out what it is.

SHAWN starts for the office again, but LASSITER stops him, puts an arm around his shoulder and walks with him.

LASSITER:
No. You're not going anywhere near that man. In fact, I'm going to make certain you never hear from the department again.

SHAWN:
I'm getting strong vibrations that you might be wrong.

LASSITER:
I'm on to you. You've got a source somewhere and I'm going to find it. You think this is some sort of game? I'm not going to let you just waltz around here like some kid in a candy store.

SHAWN:
Let me be honest with you, detective. I used to work in a candy store and it's nothing like this.

SHAWN walks away and GUS follows.

LASSITER:
You're in over your head, mystic.

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN drives his motorcycle through the streets

EXT. SPENCER HOME, DAY

SHAWN parks his motorcycle and rings the doorbell. HENRY opens the door.

SHAWN:
Hi, Dad.

HENRY:
Shawn.

SHAWN:
You didn't tell me you moved back.

HENRY:
You didn't tell me you moved away.

SHAWN:
That was different.

HENRY:
Was it?

SHAWN:
Yeah. I was busy trying to help my mom through her divorce.

HENRY:
Well, it's nice to see you, too, son.

SHAWN:
Can I come in?

HENRY:
No. (puts on baseball cap and closes the door behind him) I was on my way out to lunch. (looks at motorcycle) You can come with me if you don't bring this thing.

SHAWN gets into the pickup truck with HENRY.

INT. RESTAURANT, DAY

HENRY and SHAWN are sitting at a table.

HENRY:
When I was in the department, there were two things i hated in this world. Private investigators and psychics.

SHAWN holds up his fingers as HENRY lists them.

HENRY:
Congratulations, kid. You just hit the disappointment exacta.

The waitress brings the check.

SHAWN:
Thank you. Thank you very much. It sort of happened by accident.

HENRY:
What are you gonna do when you get caught? Move out of town?

SHAWN:
I'm not going to get caught.

HENRY:
Shawn, this is just like everything else. Three months from now, you're going to be on a bus going to Minneapolis ‘cause you found your calling as a weather man.

SHAWN:
It's not like that this time. Have you been listening to me? I finally figured out a way to use my special gift. You should be thrilled. You're the one that made me this way. I'm good at this.

HENRY:
Oh. Oh, oh, I see. If you're so good at it, what are you doing knocking at my door?

SHAWN:
You think I came to you for help. Okay. There was no ransom drop.

HENRY:
I'm not gonna be a part of this.

SHAWN:
Come on. Would you just hear me out?

HENRY:
(sighs) Okay. No ransom drop. So what? Big deal.

SHAWN:
So six days? Nothing? Not even a demand?

HENRY:
It happens all the time. It's not unprecedented. They try to create panic in the family.

SHAWN:
Yeah, I know. I know. But not this guy. This guy wanted it done quickly. I know that.

HENRY:
Well, then you missed something. You've been driving your motorcycle all across the country, working your bungee cord jumping expeditions. You're soft. Hey, pal, it happens.

SHAWN:
I'm not soft. I'm sharper than I've ever been.

HENRY:
Close your eyes.

SHAWN:
(chuckles) No way. I'm not seven.

HENRY:
Close your eyes. Any longer, I'll think you're cheating.

SHAWN closes his eyes with a sigh.

HENRY:
How many hats are in the room?

SHAWN:
All right. Fine. Just in case you're trying to pull a fast one, I'm not counting the one in your pocket. (puts fingers to his temples) Nylon fishing hat on the loner in the corner. (points out hats) Foam cap on the kid who's too young to know they were lame the first time they came out. Both truckers. One a concrete company I've never heard of, the other advertising free moustache rides. I'm fairly certain no one's taken him up on that offer. Norwegian girl, ponytail pulled out the back. Unfortunately, she's married. And our friendly bartender wearing the official hat of the restaurant. Six hats.

HENRY:
And?

SHAWN:
That's it.

HENRY:
Sorry, pal, there are seven hats. I can't help you. You missed something.

SHAWN:
I didn't miss anything.

HENRY:
There are seven hats, Shawn.

SHAWN:
(opens eyes) Were. Before I closed my eyes. Cowboy hat walked out while I was ridiculing moustache rides.

HENRY looks around the restaurant.

SHAWN:
Come on. I heard her boots.

HENRY:
All right. Close enough.

SHAWN:
Close enough? No, I nailed that.

HENRY:
(puts on jacket) Yeah, but you changed the rules. But, hey, if it makes you happy. (stands and walks away)

SHAWN:
(stands) Change the rules? (puts on jacket) I did not change the rules. What I did was nail it and you know it!

HENRY:
Shawn, you want my advice? Go out, get yourself a real job, grow up. In the meantime, you might want to ask yourself who you're trusting in this case that maybe you shouldn't. ‘Cause obviously, you're overlooking somebody. Thanks for lunch. (gives SHAWN the bill and walks out)

EXT. MacCALLUM TEXTILES, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are in GUS’ company car. SHAWN takes out the binoculars and watches the building.

GUS:
Why are we at the McCallum offices?

SHAWN:
What is the magnification on these things?

GUS:
2x.

SHAWN:
Okay, we need to stop at Wal-Mart on the way home.

GUS:
Why don't you just take your big, loud motorcycle?

SHAWN sees KATARINA leaving the building with a large bag.

SHAWN:
Ooh, here we go. Here we go.

GUS:
Oh, hell no. You got me out of work so you could stalk a girl?

KATARINA is with her boyfriend, Bill.

SHAWN:
Damn it. What is he doing here?

GUS:
I can't believe this!

SHAWN:
What's up with his hair? It's horrible. I knew I should've had him picked up for questioning. That is not the way a grown man kisses a grown woman. We're-we're fine. Why does she look so nervous? Oh, no. Is it just me or does that bag look like it's filled with stacks of ransom money?

GUS:
(takes binoculars and looks) Give me that. Oh, my God.

SHAWN:
Katarina.

KATARINA puts the bag in the trunk of her car and gets in the driver’s seat.

GUS:
It was her. You're dating a murderer.

SHAWN:
Not exclusively.

GUS:
Wow!

GUS laughs and backs out the car to follow KATARINA.

EXT. DOWNTOWN SANTA BARBARA, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are following KATARINA.

GUS:
You see, I knew there was a reason she went for you so easily.

SHAWN:
She wasn't lying, Gus. I know when people are lying.

GUS:
Oh yeah? Apparently not. You just got played. (laughs)

KATARINA pulls into a back alley. SHAWN and GUS watch as she comes out of a building with a tall, bearded MAN

GUS:
Should we call the cops?

SHAWN:
Too late for that.

GUS:
You could pretend you had a vision of a girl totally manipulating you.

SHAWN:
Would you stop?

SHAWN sees KATARINA take out the bag and hits GUS to get him to look.

GUS:
What should we do? What should we do?

SHAWN:
There's only one thing to do.

SHAWN unhooks his seatbelt, opens the door and creeps behind a dumpster.

GUS:
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

SHAWN runs down the alley towards KATARINA.

KATARINA:
Shawn?

SHAWN grabs the bag from her hand and runs back towards the car.

KATARINA:
Hey!

SHAWN hugs the bag in front of him and runs into GUS coming in his direction. He drops the bag.

SHAWN:
What are you doing?

GUS:
Helping. (picks up bag)

They run back to the car.

SHAWN:
You're supposed to stay at the car.

GUS:
Well, come on!

SHAWN:
(tries to open the door) Gus, you locked the car?

GUS:
It's a bad neighborhood!

KATARINA:
What in the world's going on, Shawn?

SHAWN:
I know what's in the bag.

KATARINA:
You do?

SHAWN:
You're good. Very good. I didn't consider who'd be the sole heir to the McCallum fortune if Camden was out of the picture.

The MAN makes a lunge for SHAWN, but KATARINA halts him.

KATARINA:
Okay, okay. Wh... You think I want my family's money?

SHAWN:
You don't need it, do you, now that you've got... (unzips the bag and pulls out a towel) this money!

SHAWN goes through the bag to see old clothes. He looks at GUS over the car.

SHAWN:
We've got to get better binoculars.

The MAN grabs the bag and SHAWN sees the name of a thrift store on his hat and shirt. He heads back down the

alley and KATARINA follows.


SHAWN:
Katarina...

SHAWN looks at GUS who says nothing as he gets into the car.

LATER…

SHAWN and GUS are still sitting in the car in the alley, watching the door. The MAN looks in their direction before closing the door.


SHAWN:
Go buy the bag.

GUS:
What, you want a souvenir of your ineptitude?

SHAWN:
I need to get a better look inside the bag.

GUS:
I'm not going in there. That guy wants to kill us.

SHAWN:
Gus, this guy works in a thrift store. Okay? He's a big, furry hearted, Good Samaritan. Come on, I'll be right here. Go ahead.

GUS gets out of the car.

INT. THRIFT SHOP, DAY

GUS peeks around the door. The MAN spots him and GUS smiles before entering the shop.

MAN:
What the hell do you want?

GUS:
Can I have the bag?

MAN:
You serious?

GUS:
Just the bag, not the clothes. I'll pay you for it.

MAN:
You've got some nerve coming in here.

Over the MAN’S shoulder, GUS sees SHAWN enter through the other door.

GUS:
I can't believe this!

MAN:
Neither can I. I've gone to jail for less than you.

SHAWN passes one of the racks and pulls a shirt off and holds it up.

GUS:
Jail's no fun, I'll tell you that much.

MAN:
Oh, you've been.

GUS:
Once, in Monopoly.

The MAN lunges at GUS, fist raised.

GUS:
Okay, hold on, hold on. Who's that?

As the MAN turns around, GUS runs away. SHAWN, realizing he’s been seen, drops the shirt, grabs the bag then runs out the way he came in.

MAN:
(chases SHAWN) Hey! Hey! Move, move, move, move! Hey, get back here!

EXT. DOWNTOWN SANTA BARBARA, DAY

SHAWN runs back to the car, chased by the MAN. He dives through the open window, legs hanging out.

SHAWN:
Go, go, go!

GUS drives down the alley.

SHAWN:
I can't believe you sold me out like that!

GUS:
You didn't tell me I was a decoy!

SHAWN:
Of course you're the decoy!

The MAN gives up chasing them.

INT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, GUS’ OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN unzips the bag and feels around inside and then sniffs it.

SHAWN:
It seems pretty clean.

GUS:
What, they didn't happen to leave a ransom note inside?

SHAWN:
Give me some money.

GUS:
Get your own money.

SHAWN:
Gus, I'll give it back.

GUS pulls his wallet from his back pocket and gives SHAWN some bills.

SHAWN:
(counts money) Seriously, this is all you carry?

GUS sits at his desk as SHAWN begins to lay the money in the bottom of the bag.

SHAWN:
Okay, so we've got five stacks going across, and you figure four going long ways. Ten stacks in each pile based on the wear and the indentation... I don’t know, depending on the denomination, uh, this could easily be $5 million.

GUS:
You're kidding.

SHAWN:
Yeah, give or take.

GUS:
You got that from a groove on the side?

SHAWN:
Come on, Gus. Any small child could've figured that out.

GUS:
So somebody at that house did pay a ransom.

SHAWN:
Mm-hmm. Or tried too.

GUS:
Who?

SHAWN:
I don't know. We're going to need more than my psychic powers to figure this out.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, BULLPEN, NIGHT

SHAWN walks through the dimly lit room to see LUCINDA at her desk.

LUCINDA:
You here to scope out the new meter maids?

SHAWN:
Nope. I am here to see you.

LUCINDA:
Not interested.

SHAWN:
I know you. You have someone special. He's married and/or separated.

LUCINDA:
Is there a point to this, Mr. Spencer?

SHAWN:
Of course. You and I have something in common.

LUCINDA:
What's that?

SHAWN:
We both know this case is nowhere near closed.

LUCINDA:
Unfortunately, (closes briefcase) gut feelings aren't admissible in a California court.(stands)

SHAWN:
How about motive?

LUCINDA:
What do you have?

SHAWN:
Nothing yet. But I've seen something.

LUCINDA:
Seen or *seen*?

SHAWN:
(sits on the corner of her desk) Well, what do you think?

LUCINDA:
(looks around) Okay, what do you need?

SHAWN:
Everything you have on Malcolm Orso. He was Camden's accomplice.

LUCINDA:
(puts on jacket) I'll get fired.

SHAWN:
Will you really? Because it seems like a gray area to me.

LUCINDA:
That's the problem with you, Mr. Spencer. You live your entire life in a gray area.

SHAWN:
That's not true. Though I generally vacation in gray areas.

LUCINDA looks around again before tugging at a file SHAWN is sitting on.

LUCINDA:
We can't talk here.

LUCINDA jerks her head and walks away. SHAWN gets up and follows her.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, FIRING RANGE, NIGHT

LUCINDA shoots at a target as SHAWN looks through the file.

SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. It says Orso was seen in the town near the cabin.

LUCINDA:
Yeah. (fires) Twice. Early in the week by a store owner.

SHAWN:
What was he buying?

LUCINDA:
(fires) Nothing. The old man just saw him on the street.

SHAWN:
Same old man sees him two times?

LUCINDA:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. (fires) Orso had one of those modified mufflers on his Nova. You could hear him a block away.

(reloads and sets gun down) You'll need a new target sheet. (walks over to him)

SHAWN:
Oh, oh, no, no, no. (sets down file) This is, uh, this is fine. (lifts gun awkwardly) They're so much lighter when they're filled with water. (six shots in quick succession)

SHAWN looks at the target sheet, satisfied. LUCINDA looks at it.

LUCINDA:
You missed.

SHAWN:
Did I really?

LUCINDA presses the button to call the target forward and looks at SHAWN patronizingly. They both lean on the counter and look at the sheet. SHAWN’S shots overlap LUCINDA’S perfectly.

SHAWN:
Look at that. It's a perfect match.

LUCINDA:
Damn.

SHAWN smiles.

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT HALL, DAY

SHAWN and GUS enter the residence and stand at the foot of the stairs.

GUS:
I'm telling you, there's no way Katarina's going to talk to you.

SHAWN:
Yeah, well, I sort of lied about that part. We're not here to see Katarina.

GUS:
Who we were to see?

MacCALLUM walks down the stairs.

MacCALLUM:
This is highly inappropriate, Mr. Spencer. The investigation is over.

SHAWN:
What if they got the wrong man?

MacCALLUM:
And who would the right man be?

SHAWN:
You.

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, DEN, DAY

MacCALLUM opens the door and motions for SHAWN and GUS to enter the room.

GUS:
Mr. McCallum, I didn't have anything to do with this.

MacCALLUM:
(shuts door) I killed my own son?

SHAWN:
If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you meant to.

MacCALLUM:
You're not a detective. You're not even a cop.

SHAWN:
You're right. I'm a psychic. And I saw the whole thing.

SHAWN puts his left hand to his temple and describes everything that happened and we see it in quick flashbacks. The scenes cut between SHAWN’S descriptions and his confrontation with MacCALLUM.

SHAWN:
I see a ransom drop. You're doing everything they ask. You didn't call the police. You're thinking of nothing but the security of your son. After all, what's $5 million to you? You're driving away. I can see it. Something strange happens. You recognize the car. You pass it on the hill. It's Malcolm Orso'S. You've seen it hundreds of times at your house ever since high school. You know where they are. You know the cabin. He's making coffee. You didn’t mean to kill him, did you? No. Just knock him around a little bit. Teach him a lesson. But he falls to the floor. He slams his head on the oak table. He's dead. You know he's dead. Orso walks in, finds you. He's got a half-ass pistol. But he's no criminal. You know there's only one way to cover your tracks. You take care of him too. Make it look like a suicide. (MacCALLUM sits) Then you come home, inform the police, and you wait. You wait for a ransom call that will never come. Police eat it up. It's easy to look shaken after all you've done. You might even be willing to take your own life.

MacCALLUM:
You have an overactive imagination. Perhaps a side-effect of your gift.

GUS:
(gags) Shawn, we need to go.

SHAWN:
Not yet.

GUS:
I'm about to throw up on a Turkish carpet.

SHAWN:
No, you're not.

GUS:
It's in my esophagus. (covers mouth)

SHAWN:
The second door on the left. Turn on the fan and flush.

GUS rushes from the room.

MacCALLUM:
I will not have this incident rehashed over and over again!

SHAWN:
I know what your relationship was with your son.

MacCALLUM:
Oh, really?

SHAWN:
I have a father that I disappoint all the time.

MacCALLUM:
I'm sure you do.

SHAWN:
(sits) I know how you feel. This was it. This was the straw that broke the camel's back, wasn't it? To think 18 months ago, he sat across from you, looked you right in the eye and said, "Dad, I'm going to clean up my act this time. This time, I am going to change. I swear”. To know that he duped you and you fell for it all over again must've sent you into a state that even you can't believe.

MacCALLUM stands and SHAWN does as well, backing away from him.

MacCALLUM:
Mr. Spencer, I've been assured but the Lieutenant Governor that this case will not cast a pall over my family. But I can assure you, it's gonna cast one over yours.

SHAWN:
My very first case, I'm already being threatened. Wow!

GUS re-enters the room.

GUS:
Shawn, let's go.

SHAWN:
I’m not quite finished.

GUS:
We're going now.

MacCALLUM:
Listen to your friend.

GUS grabs SHAWN by the arm and pulls him towards the door. SHAWN stops and looks back and MacCALLUM.

SHAWN:
I'll be back.

MacCALLUM:
No, you won't.

GUS and SHAWN leave the room.

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR, DAY

Two employees “help” SHAWN and GUS leave.

SHAWN:
Okay, we're going. We're clearly going. All right! (to GUS) Dude, what are you doing? We had him on the ropes.

GUS:
It wasn't the right tack.

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DRIVE, DAY

They walk to the car.

SHAWN:
Oh, you're the expert now?

GUS:
Consumine.

SHAWN:
What?

GUS:
Consumine. It's for dog bites. I have some samples.

SHAWN:
Gus, what are you saying to me?

GUS:
I'm saying there was a bottle of it in the medicine cabinet prescribed Wednesday. You wonder why he had on that long-sleeve shirt in the heat that first day?

SHAWN:
Oh, my gosh! That dog did have blood on his teeth.

GUS:
I told you it wasn't Snausages.

They get into the car.

GUS:
We're never getting back in there.

SHAWN:
I know. Just give me a second. (closes eyes and puts fingers to his temples)

GUS:
What are you doing?

SHAWN:
I'm thinking.

GUS:
You look ridiculous.

SHAWN opens his eyes, pulls out his phone and dials.

GUS:
Now what are you doing?

SHAWN:
I'm calling the cops.

GUS:
For what? You heard the guy in there. They're never going to come.

SHAWN:
I'm not calling the cops on him. I'm calling the cops on us. Gus, we need this to play out in front of an audience with all the major players in place. (deep voice into phone) Yes. Hello. I'm calling from the McCallum residence. There's an intruder here who simply won't leave. He's claiming to be a psychic that works for your department.

OFFICER: (over phone)
Pardon me?

SHAWN:
Mr. McCallum is enraged, and he wants this handled by the highest authority possible. Please send the chief immediately. (ends call and smiles) Did you really vomit?

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, DEN, DAY

MacCALLUM and and EMPLOYEE look out the window as the police enter the driveway.

MacCALLUM:
Who called them?

EMPLOYEE:
I don't know, sir. Maybe the back staff. Those two gentlemen have not left the driveway. Would you like me to send them all away?

MacCALLUM:
No. Let's finish this.

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DRIVE, DAY

MacCALLUM walks out the front door and into the drive with VICK.

MacCALLUM:
As you can see, Karen, this simply cannot happen.

VICK:
It'll be taken care of. Believe me. He was given clear instructions to stay away.

MacCALLUM:
I understand, but...

LASSITER follows pulling SHAWN along by his arm as his hands are cuffed behind his back. LUCINDA is with

GUS.


LASSITER:
Yeah, it's times like this I remember why I love my job so much.

GUS:
Any time, Shawn.

SHAWN:
He's getting cocky. Give it a sec.

GUS:
We're gonna be in a city jail in a sec.

LASSITER:
Uh-huh. Here we are. (pushes SHAWN into the backseat of the car, hitting his head on the roof) Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt?

SHAWN looks at GUS over the car.

SHAWN:
Ah, something's happening! (starts shaking) Gus! Something's happening!

LASSITER:
Stop it!

SHAWN falls to the ground and convulses and groans. Two officers go to help, but Lassiter stops them. Everyone is watching, including VICK and MacCALLUM.

LASSITER:
Wait.

SHAWN:
The dog!

LASSITER:
(stands over SHAWN) Shut up.

SHAWN:
He's biting the intruder! He knows him! It's someone he knows! The dog knows him!

LASSITER:
Stop talking.

SHAWN:
Ouch! Ow! The teeth are digging in.

LASSITER:
Shut up!

SHAWN:
Oh, there's blood!

LASSITER bodily lifts SHAWN and carries him to the car.

SHAWN:
It's him! It's McCallum! I can see his face! The killer is McCallum. Check his wrist! Check his right wrist! The teeth marks will match up!

MacCALLUM:
Get him out of here!

LASSITER is trying to force a resisting SHAWN into the car.

SHAWN:
Check the wrist!

MacCALLUM:
No one is checking any part of me.

VICK:
Why not?

MacCALLUM:
(turns to VICK) Huh?

LASSITER and SHAWN stop struggling.

VICK:
We can close this out immediately. Discredit him right here. That's an awful wound you have bandaged there.

MacCALLUM:
This is outrageous! Do you really want to do this?

VICK:
We could do this now... or I could call in a warrant.

MacCALLUM:
I'll call my lawyer.

VICK:
I'll be right here.

SHAWN:
I see a doctor. I'm seeing a doctor. Dr. Mandali. And a word. Consumine! Yeah, it's for dog bites! The wound is fresh! Check the wound! It's a fresh wound, it's still a fresh wound!

MacCALLUM:
(faces VICK)(stammers) It was an accident. I- I didn't-

LASSITER:
What?

VICK:
Sergeant. (waves police over)

Two police take MacCALLUM into custody.

OFFICER:
Come this way, sir.

GUS:
(to LUCINDA) You want to take these cuffs off of me, please? (she removes ciffs) Thank you.

SHAWN rests against the car and LASSITER leans next to him.

LASSITER:
Seriously... how?

SHAWN:
I wish I knew.

LASSITER makes a face and walks off. GUS comes over and stands next to him.

SHAWN:
Do you think this pretty much ruins my chances with Katarina?

EXT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, DAY

SHAWN runs into the building.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

Inside her office, VICK is speaking with someone. SHAWN just opens the door without preamble.

SHAWN:
There she is.

VICK:
Don't ever walk into my office without knocking.

SHAWN:
I'm sorry. I got excited.

VICK:
(stands and walks over) You know what I'll do to you?

SHAWN:
Yes.

VICK:
You do?

SHAWN:
I'm a psychic.

VICK:
I'm just finishing up in here. I'll be with you in a moment.

SHAWN puts his hands up and starts to back out of the office.

HENRY:
That's all right, Karen. (stands) I've gotta get going anyway.

VICK:
(shakes HENRY’S hand) Thank you very much for coming down. You've been a big help.

HENRY:
Yeah. Okay. (passes SHAWN on his way out) Son.

SHAWN:
Dad. (watches HENRY leave then looks at VICK)

VICK:
Have a seat.

SHAWN enters and sits down in the chair HENRY vacated.

VICK:
(sits) I was considering adding you to my speed dial, mr. Spencer, but I would be remiss if I didn't do a little background check, don't you think? (puts feet up on desk)

SHAWN:
(sighs) Yes.

VICK:
I asked your dad how long you've had the gift.

SHAWN:
Look, my father's memory is pretty cloudy.

VICK:
Oh, it certainly is. His recollection doesn't match up with your assertion at all.

SHAWN:
I can explain that.

VICK:
You said you've had this ability your whole life.

SHAWN:
Well, whole life. I mean, it's a bit of a gray area.

VICK:
He said you didn't get it until you were 18.

SHAWN:
He said that? Wow, that is just like him. The man simply refuses to acknowledge my abilities, my gifts. Can we discuss my fee?

VICK:
There's a check in the cage.

Excited, SHAWN gets up and heads for the door. VICK lowers her feet and sits up.

VICK:
Sign for it and then come back in.

SHAWN:
Come-come back in here? Why?

VICK:
(hands him a file) You familiar with a chop shop in Summerland?

EXT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, DAY

HENRY is getting into his pickup when SHAWN runs up to him.

SHAWN:
Dad!

HENRY:
So are you gonna continue with this little charade?

SHAWN:
Well, it sort of gives me carte blanche, you know. I mean, I can work cases for the department. I can do private jobs. In fact, I've already got another case.

HENRY:
Be aware. This is the last time I cover for you, pal. (gets into truck) I'm not okay with this, Shawn, any of it.

In the passenger seat, SHAWN sees an article about the case with his photo and smiles.

SHAWN:
I don't expect you to be, Dad.

HENRY drives away and SHAWN gives him a little wave before walking to his motorcycle.

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN drives GUS’ car along the road by the shore and pulls into a parking space.

SHAWN:
Awesome!

Painted on the window of the building is “Pysch, Private Psychic Detective”. They get out of the car and SHAWN throws his arms wide open.

GUS:
Psych? As in, "gotcha”.

SHAWN:
Or as in "psychic”.

INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

The office is bare with only a few chairs, file cabinet, and a desk.

GUS:
You named your fake detective agency Psych? Why don't you just call it, "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department. Hope we don't make a mistake and someone dies because of it”.

SHAWN:
First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long, it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way to convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!

GUS:
Whatever, Shawn. It's your agency. Go for it.

SHAWN:
(sits behind desk) Actually, it's our agency. (opens folder and points) I put your name on the lease as well. Tell me, does that look anything like your signature? I gave it a shot.

GUS:
(walks over) This better be a joke.

SHAWN:
Don't worry, you won't have to do a thing. I have worked out every last detail.

GUS:
What's your dental plan?

SHAWN:
Don't get cavities.

GUS:
Health plan?

SHAWN:
Same, but with hepatitis and shingles.

GUS:
So I'm supposed to quit my job, skip over, and do this for no guaranteed money.

SHAWN:
No guaranteed money, but all guaranteed fun!

GUS:
No! No more cases, Shawn. It was fun for a few days. (walks back to window)

SHAWN:
Well, it's gonna have to be fun for a minimum of six months, or we'll have to pay a lease penalty, which would be a blemish on your otherwise very impressive credit report.

GUS:
You solved one mystery and now you renting office space?

SHAWN:
Gus, I've solved a bunch of mysteries. For instance, the mystery of who kept stealing your newspaper. Answer: me! The mystery of what we're doing this weekend. Hint, it involves dragsters. And finally, the mystery that is the case the Chief just brought me in on.

GUS:
You got another case already?

SHAWN:
A car thief got poisoned by his boss. He used something over the counter. Fizadine. No. Fizaderble. No…

GUS:
Fizadrine?

SHAWN:
That's it!

GUS:
Wow. How'd he do that?

SHAWN:
I’ll tell you on the way.

EXT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY

They walk back to the car.

GUS:
Just for today, right?

SHAWN:
Absolutely.

They get into the car and drive away.
 
 
 
oh dear: SGA: Grintinted_glass on October 28th, 2011 01:25 am (UTC)
Thank you for this. You're awesome for taking it on!
jpgr: Psych Not Inclined to Maturityjpgr on October 28th, 2011 01:42 am (UTC)
Thanks! I've done 3 series of Doctor Who and needed a project while it is on hiatus.