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27 October 2011 @ 06:53 pm
Transcript: Psych 1x01 Pilot (1/2)  


1986, Santa Barbara, California

INT. DINER, DAY

A young boy of around 9 years old, SHAWN, sits across from his father, HENRY in a booth. HENRY is in his police

uniform.


HENRY:
Did you do your homework?

SHAWN:
Unh-huh.

HENRY:
Finish those beets?

SHAWN:
Yep. (looks at dessert tray) Can I have the fudge cake?

HENRY:
Close your eyes.

SHAWN:
Dad, I don't want to...

HENRY:
Now.

With a sigh, SHAWN closes his eyes and puts his fingers to each temple.

HENRY:
Which letter is out in the exit sign?

SHAWN:
The X.

HENRY:
What the color is the vinyl?

SHAWN:
What's vinyl?

HENRY:
It's the stuff these seats are covered in.

SHAWN:
Purple.

HENRY:
Maroon. Close enough. Manager's name.

SHAWN:
Who?

HENRY:
She's wearing a name tag. The woman standing at the front door when we first walked in. You saw her.

Shawn *flashes* to when they walked in and sees the nametag.*

SHAWN:
Marie. Can I have the cake now?

HENRY:
(leans forward) How many hats?

SHAWN:
(frustrated) Come on, dad!

HENRY:
Shawn, you want a piece of cake? How many hats are in the room?

SHAWN:
(flashes on hats) Does a beanie count?

HENRY:
What do you think?

SHAWN:
Three.

HENRY:
You didn't describe them.

SHAWN:
That's not fair.

HENRY:
Time's almost up, Shawn.

SHAWN:
One has a flower... the one the lady's wearing. One has a picture of some kind of lion on the weird guy with the crooked tooth. The last one is...on the chef.

HENRY:
What about the beanie?

SHAWN:
A beanie's a cap, not a hat.

HENRY:
All right, open your eyes.

SHAWN:
Thank you. (opens eyes)

A WAITRESS witnesses HENRY’S “exercise”.

WAITRESS:
Wow. That's amazing.

SHAWN smiles.

HENRY:
It's adequate.

SHAWN’S smile fades.

HENRY:
Get him his cake.

WAITRESS:
I guess I know what you're going to be when you grow up.

SHAWN:
Oh, I'm never gonna grow up, ma'am.

2006…Still Santa Barbara

INT. SHAWN’S APARTMENT, NIGHT

SHAWN is making out with a WOMAN and is barely able to set down his motorcycle helmet. She pulls off his flannel shirt.

WOMAN:
Nice place.

SHAWN:
Thank you.

She pushes him against the back of the couch. His hand falls on the remote control, turning on the TV and the weather report. The WOMAN pushes SHAWN down onto the couch and loosens her hair.

WOMAN:
I knew you were gonna be my best table.

SHAWN moans as she climbs on his lap and starts kissing him. SHAWN becomes distracted by the news report.

FEMALE REPORTER:
Joe, do the police have any leads at this time?

JOE:
We're at a loss. We really don't know what else to do. Been a tough few weeks. Basically run out of ideas. Hopefully the police will be able to crack this one for us.

SHAWN flashes on JOE’S fidgeting hands and wandering eyes.

FEMALE REPORTER:
Closing the books on the visions break-ins could be just the olive branch needed to set things in the right direction.

SHAWN reaches for his phone.

WOMAN:
What are you doing?

SHAWN:
I'm calling the police.

WOMAN:
Any particular reason?

SHAWN:
I think I just closed a case.

WOMAN:
You didn't tell me you're a cop.

SHAWN:
Oh, no, no, no. Definitely not a cop. Does that disappoint you?

WOMAN:
I just thought you might have handcuffs.

SHAWN:
Oh, I have handcuffs. (into phone) Hello.

OFFICER:
(over phone) Santa Barbara police department.

SHAWN:
(into phone) Uh, it's the store manager. He did it.

OFFICER:
(over phone) Pardon me?

SHAWN:
(into phone) Uh, the stereo robberies. At the visions chain store. He's on channel 8 news right now. Uh, his hands. Nervous tic... dead giveaway. And he won't look at the reporter in the eyes. My name? My name is Shawn... Spencer.

OFFICER:
(over phone) And is there anything else today?

SHAWN:
(into phone) No. That's gonna do it. Actually, the tags on the news van have expired. But that's completely unrelated.

SHAWN hangs up the phone and turns the tables on the WOMAN.

**************************************************************************
PSYCH

“Pilot”
By
Steve Franks

STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Anne Dudek
And
Corbin Bernsen

DIRECTOR
Michael Engler

**********************************************************************

EXT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, DAY

SHAWN gets off his Norton motorcycle, removes helmet and heads inside.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, FRONT DESK, DAY

SHAWN walks over to the desk where a black female officer, ALLEN, is on the phone.

SHAWN:
Hello, officer.

ALLEN: (into phone)
But you gotta go. It was awesome. Well, yeah.

SHAWN sees the talisman, crystals and dreamcatchers scattered around ALLEN’S area.

ALLEN: (into phone)
Yeah.

SHAWN:
Hi.

ALLEN: (into phone)
It was amazing.

SHAWN:
I'm Shawn Spencer.

Without even looking at him, ALLEN points to a bench where a large MAN sits in handcuffs, chained to the bench.

ALLEN: (into phone)
And the other thing is... well, no, I'm not going to pay for it.

SHAWN:
Oh... oh no, no. No, that's not for me. Uh, I'm here for a commendation. I called in a... tip.

ALLEN points again.

ALLEN: (into phone)
Oh, no, Michelle, I can't pay for that.

SHAWN:
Here's the thing, these are new pants.

ALLEN points again.

SHAWN:
Clearly you feel very strongly about this. Right.

SHAWN walks over to the bench and sits on the opposite end from the other man. He smiles as he listens to ALLEN’S conversation.

ALLEN: (into phone)
$80 is a lot for a reading, but she was astounding. I mean, she knew about granny's childhood and the curios she left Bobby. I mean, I could literally feel her spirit in the room.

SHAWN looks at the MAN on the bench, peering to get a look at his face. The MAN turns around and SHAWN can see the tattoo of “Bloodthirsty” on his forehead as well as the tear under his left eye.

SHAWN:
Get out of here. You know, I have the same tattoo. They spelled "bloodthirsty" wrong on mine. Can you believe it?

The MAN lunges at SHAWN but can’t reach him due to chain.

SHAWN:
I cannot believe you didn't test that out first.

The door to the copy room opens and inside SHAWN sees a tall, young officer, McNAB, counting to himself as he practices dance steps. His eyes then return to the MAN and he sees pieces of taillight in the folds of the MAN’S sleeve.

SHAWN:
What'd you do, bust up your ex-wife's car?

MAN:
Her new boyfriend'S.

SHAWN:
That'll teach her.

MAN:
They got no witnesses.

SHAWN:
Sweet. Might want to brush the shards of taillight off your sleeve. Just a tip.

MAN:
Gee, thanks, guy.

SHAWN:
Sure.

The MAN brushes his sleeve, but some of the shards fall into his boot. SHAWN thinks about telling him, but doesn’t.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, HALL, DAY

SHAWN is escorted down the hall by McNAB.

McNAB:
Right this way, Mr. Spencer.

SHAWN:
So when do I get my money?

A female detective, LUCINDA, is waiting at the interrogation room door.

LUCINDA:
Money?

SHAWN:
Yeah. The reward.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, INTERROGATION ROOM, DAY

SHAWN looks at LUCINDA and her partner, CARLTON LASSITER.

SHAWN:
You guys arrested the store manager. Am I right?

LASSITER:
Why don't you let us ask the questions for awhile.

SHAWN:
Okay. (sits)

In the reflection of the two-way mirror, SHAWN sees LASSITER touch LUCINDA’S hair as he passes behind her.

SHAWN:
So which questions might those be?

LASSITER:
Ooh, I don't know. Like where were you the night of the last robbery?

SHAWN:
I was robbing a stereo shop. (laughs) I wasn't. I don't know. I guess I was doing the same thing you were doing, not solving crime.

LASSITER:
You're not helping your case here.

SHAWN:
My case? Wait, wait, wait. I'm actually a suspect?

LASSITER:
Oh, you're our lead suspect.

SHAWN:
I gave you the guy.

LASSITER:
He had a partner.

SHAWN:
I have to find that guy? I'm confused. When do you start chipping in?

LASSITER:
See, your information was good. So good, it could only have come from the inside.

SHAWN:
Inside of what? Look, I've called in dozens of tips, okay? Just check it out.

LASSITER:
I did. I checked out a whole lot of stuff. Like, oh, you're currently unemployed. (opens folder on table and sits) You've never held a job for more than six months. And you have a criminal record.

SHAWN:
I was 18.

LASSITER:
Oh. 18? Well, that makes it okay. Let me just scratch this out.

SHAWN:
(looks at LUCINDA) I borrowed a car.

LASSITER:
You stole a car.

SHAWN:
To impress a girl.

LUCINDA:
Look, forgive us, Mr. Spencer, if this seems far-fetched.

SHAWN:
Would it help at all if I told you that she had a bit of a reputation and I was 0 for... high school? Okay, fine. There were extenuating circumstances. The arresting officer was my father. He was trying to teach me a lesson.

LASSITER:
Did you learn it?

SHAWN:
I learned I hated my father. So sure.

LASSITER:
Pardon me if I'm just a little skeptical. Believable as it is that you solved all these crimes... I'm sorry, what was it? Watching the local channel 8 news reports.

SHAWN:
I confess. That's not true. Sometimes I watch channel 5. I prefer channel 8. The weather girl, adorable.

LASSITER:
So you're telling us that you can read guilt off of tv interviews.

SHAWN:
Can't you?

LASSITER:
Don't you try and trivialize police work.

SHAWN:
I think you're doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself. You can't keep me here, guys. I know my rights.

(stands and walks to the door)


LASSITER:
Good. Then you know you have the right to remain silent.

SHAWN opens the door and McNAB blocks his exit.

LASSITER:
You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you.

LUCINDA stands.

SHAWN:
Wait, wait, wait. You're serious?

LASSITER:
A few hours in a holding cell might jog your memory.

SHAWN looks down the hall into the holding cell at the men inside and the public toilet. He gulps.

LUCINDA:
Just give us a reason, Mr. Spencer. That's all we need. How did you get this information?

LASSITER:
No. It is too late for that. (walks over) Officer Allen, book him.

ALLEN walks up behind SHAWN and pulls his arms behind his back as she reaches for her cuffs.

SHAWN:
Book him? Oh, come on. Cuffs? What, for the walk back to the lobby?

LUCINDA:
Or you could give us a plausible explanation.

SHAWN turns his head and sees the crystal pendant ALLEN is wearing as well as her mystical earrings. He puts his hands up.

SHAWN:
Okay. Okay. Fine. You win. I got the information because... I am a psychic.

ALLEN drops her cuffs.

LASSITER:
Get him out of here!

SHAWN:
Oh, boy!(falls back against the door, hand to his head) (to ALLEN) Your grandma would be so proud.

ALLEN:
You spoke to her?

SHAWN:
I did. She's... safe, comfortable. She wants you to stop spending all your money on those charlatans.

ALLEN:
(cups her face) The palm readers.

SHAWN:
The palm readers.

LUCINDA:
Okay, just to be clear, um, you're claiming to be a psychic, Mr. Spencer.

SHAWN faces LASSITER and LUCINDA, his arms outstretched, palms facing the two detectives.

SHAWN:
How else would I know that you two are sleeping together?

ALLEN and McNAB share a knowing glance.

SHAWN:
One, two, three... One, two, three... One, two, three... One...(points at McNAB) When's the wedding?

McNAB:
May 3rd. Wait. How... how did you know?

SHAWN:
I'm getting dance lessons for a wedding reception. And you are getting good.

McNAB:
Wow. That's amazing.

LASSITER:
Oh, come on. Who's buying this?

ALLEN smiles at him and McNAB raises his hand. One of the men in the holding cell raises a hand as well.

SHAWN:
I got it! Go to detention room number two. Shake down your vandal. You'll find all the evidence you need...(shakes his left foot) all the evidence is in his left shoe.

LASSITER:
We'll be back here in three minutes (to ALLEN) with my own cuffs. (leaves)

SHAWN:
(sighs) Whoa.

INT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, FRONT DESK, DAY

SHAWN is at the desk with ALEEN. In the background, an officer escorts the MAN from the bench to the cells.

LASSITER and LUCINDA stand and watch.


SHAWN:
I'm getting... I am getting... the letter L.

ALLEN:
Lulu, her dog. Is there anything else she said?

SHAWN looks over his shoulder and sees the detectives.

SHAWN:
Uh, there's suddenly a very, very negative presence here. It's blocking me.

LASSITER:
It was a lucky guess.

LUCINDA:
Lucky guess? (holds evidence bag with bits of taillight)

LASSITER:
He planted it. I don't know.

LUCINDA:
His alibi checks.

SHAWN:
Question. Do I pay taxes on reward money?

ALLEN:
I'll find out. Please feel free to call anytime.

SHAWN:
You know I will. Magic touch.

They touch fingertips through the hole in the plexiglass. SHAWN leaves. LASSITER walks over and slaps a file on the counter. ALLEN glares at him as he walks away.

EXT. SANTA BARBARA POLICE DEPARTMENT, DAY

SHAWN exits the building with a smile and walks down the steps.

SHAWN:
(to passing officer) Doctor.

A pregnant woman, Interim Police Chief VICK, follows him out.

VICK:
Not so fast, Mr. Spencer.

SHAWN stops and turns around.

VICK:
Karen Vick, interim police chief.

SHAWN:
I know.

VICK:
Heard about what you did in there.

SHAWN:
Oh, you're welcome.

VICK:
That wasn't the phrase I was going to use. I was going to say improbable. Possible, yet unlikely.

SHAWN:
Look, it's hard to explain. I'm gifted. I was born that way.

VICK:
I knew your father. He was a good cop. You're nothing like him.

SHAWN:
I take that as a compliment, ma'am.

VICK:
Don't ever call me "ma'am".

SHAWN:
Am I still free to go?

VICK:
Not exactly. You familiar with the McCallum family?

SHAWN:
McCallum. Yeah, they own half the hill.

VICK:
Well, there's been a kidnapping.

SHAWN:
Oh, come on. I had nothing to do with that.

VICK:
Would you like to? The feds are itching to jump in on this case, and I need to make some progress. What I need is a miracle. Or a facsimile of one.

SHAWN:
I see, I see. Well, I make $1,200 a day.

VICK:
It's a try-out.

SHAWN:
That's what I meant to say. This is pro bono, something for you.

VICK:
And if this psychic thing is a scam... we will prosecute. You know hindering a police investigation is a criminal offense. (turns around and heads back inside)

SHAWN:
Sounds good. We're on the same team now. Kidnappers beware!

SHAWN turns around, exhales, and then smiles as he walks back to his motorcycle.

INT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, DAY

SHAWN strides down the hallway, helmet in hand. He opens the door to one of the offices.

INT. CENTRAL COAST PHARMACEUTICALS, GUS’ OFFICE, DAY

Inside, his best friend GUS is sitting at his computer.

SHAWN:
I have a job for you.

GUS:
I already have a job.

SHAWN:
They're paying you to play video games?

GUS:
How do you do that?

SHAWN:
Come on, left hand, space bar, right hand, arrow keys? Gus, you should ask me a challenging question every once in awhile just for kicks.

GUS:
I can't go anywhere. (stands) I'm behind on my route. I got new samples of serum moxacillin. (checks shelves)

SHAWN reaches over and takes a bag of pretzels from a drawer.

SHAWN:
Oh, man. I'm sorry. I didn't realize the new butt cream had come in. So you're not interested in hearing about doing the thing we've been dreaming of doing since we were eight. I've got us the last job we will ever need.

GUS:
Shawn, you've had 57 jobs since we left high school.

SHAWN:
Yes, I have. And they were all fun, but this one takes the cake.

GUS:
Oh, yeah? Better than your acupuncture clinic?

SHAWN:
I didn't realize experience was necessary.

GUS:
What about the summer you spent driving the wiener mobile?

SHAWN:
I did that for the hot dogs. Look, Gus, all those jobs I took because I wanted the experience. But then I mastered it and I moved on. But this job has a little bit of everything. Come with me.

GUS:
(sits at desk) Uh, no. I'm never doing anything blindly with you again. I learned that at the Mexican border twice.

SHAWN:
Okay, this is hard to explain, but I'm going to give it a shot. You and I... are opening our own private detective agency.

GUS:
Oh. See? No explanation necessary. Let me get my coat. (goes back to his computer)

SHAWN:
But you're not getting your coat.

GUS:
Uh, no. No, Shawn. I'm not.

SHAWN:
All right, you want to sweat the details? Fine. The cops think I'm a psychic, and now we are investigating a kidnapping.

GUS:
You're serious?

SHAWN:
Yes, I am serious! Six days ago, Camden McCallum Jr., sole male heir to McCallum Textiles, was seen being forced into his Range Rover at the municipal dog park. No one's seen him or the dog since.

GUS:
They took the dog?

SHAWN:
You see what I mean? I need you. I need you to... to write stuff down ‘cause you know how I zone out when other people talk.

GUS:
Just for today?

SHAWN:
Just today. Oh, and you know what, you should bring your sample case because some of those forensics guys...

GUS:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's going to be forensics guys there?

EXT. SANTA BARBARA STREET, DAY

SHAWN and GUS drive along in GUS’ company car. SHAWN is reading the case file.

SHAWN:
All right, pay attention. 18 months ago, Camden McCallum ran his father's cigarette boat into the Morrow Bay aquarium. That was right after he got caught with that hockey player's wife.

GUS:
Yeah, I remember that.

SHAWN:
Guy hadn't been out of the papers in five years. Since that day, nothing. Not a single news story. Not so much as a dented motorcycle.

GUS:
Okay. What do you think?

SHAWN:
I think Camden McCallum is too good at what he does to stop. Not cold turkey anyway. Beautiful women, fast cars. Doesn't add up. Something happened.

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DRIVE, DAY

GUS takes his sample case out of the back while SHAWN stands in the drive and looks at the house. They then walk towards the house.

GUS:
How should we introduce ourselves? Don't say "psychic”. They'll shut you off. Say something vague. Like
"alternative tactics division”.

SHAWN:
How about the bureau of magic and spell casting?

SHAWN sees the garbage bins being put out and walks over.

GUS:
Where are you going?

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, SIDE DRIVE, DAY

SHAWN opens one of the bins and tosses out some of the plastic bags.

GUS:
You're rooting through the trash?

SHAWN:
Just for a second.

GUS:
You are without doubt the worst detective I've ever seen.

SHAWN:
Gus, everything you need is right in front of you. You just have to pay attention.

GUS:
Oh, yeah?

SHAWN pulls out a battered lampshade then spies something else.

SHAWN:
Look at this. (pulls out an empty bag of dog food) Berenson's brand. That is the highest quality dog food on the market.

GUS:
Perfect. They pamper their pets. The case is almost solved.

SHAWN:
This stuff is really expensive. (finds two more bags) No additives. No preservatives. Why would you possibly open three bags simultaneously when you only have one dog?

GUS:
They're rich. They waste money.

SHAWN:
(looks into bin) Oh, my God.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
This CD case is totally nice! Why would someone throw this out? Here, put this in the car.

SHAWN hands the case to GUS who then throws it back in the bin.

GUS:
Inside now. (heads for the front door)

With GUS looking the other way, SHAWN retrieve the CD case and slips it under his jacket before catching up with GUS.

SHAWN:
Is it entirely too early for me to have a theory?

GUS:
Can you at least wait until we see some evidence?

SHAWN:
I suppose I could if it would make you happier.

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, HALL, DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk through the sumptuously furnished hall, passing other police.

SHAWN:
Whoa. Just act natural.

They stop at the entrance to the living room which is doubling as a base. LASSITER and LUCINDA are already there. LASSITER glares at them. GUS takes SHAWN by the arm and pulls him away.

GUS:
They know.

SHAWN:
How could they know?

GUS:
They know.

SHAWN:
We haven't said anything yet.

GUS:
They know. I can feel it.

SHAWN:
Oh, you're a psychic now too?

GUS:
You're not a psychic.

SHAWN:
(pulls GUS further from the living room)(whispers) Gus, let's just be clear on one thing. The only way they can absolutely prove that I am not a psychic is if I tell them. And I can guarantee you, that is the one thing I will never do. (sees something down the hall) Ooh. Ooh ooh. Check this out. (walks away)

GUS:
You got a lead? (follows)

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT HALL, DAY

SHAWN walks to a family portrait hanging on the wall.

SHAWN:
No. But look at this girl. She must be the sister. God, she's incredible.

GUS:
Kind of have a few other things going on right now, Shawn.

SHAWN:
(picks up framed photo) Oh, Gus, look. Look how she went from this awkward stage with this really
unfortunate perm to this beautiful, amazing girl. She's a late bloomer, but what does... what does that mean? That means depth of character.

GUS walks off to the side, taking deep breaths.

SHAWN:
(sees another photo) Gus, she kayaks. (turns and sees GUS) What, are you Lamaze breathing?

GUS:
It helps. I cover a few birthing centers.

SHAWN:
Let me know when the contractions are two minutes apart. (goes back to studying photos) She reads Vonnegut. Wow! She's an aviatrix. Gus, I bet this girl is spectacular.

WOMAN:
Really now?

SHAWN and GUS look to the stairs and see the woman from the photos. She continues down as she talks.

WOMAN:
I'm Katarina McCallum.

SHAWN:
I'm... thoroughly embarrassed.

KATARINA:
I'll bet you are.

SHAWN:
(walks to her) I'm sorry. I'm Shawn Spencer. The chief called me in. (takes her hand) Everything's gonna be okay.

KATARINA:
Thank you for saying that. I have the same feeling. What makes you think so?

SHAWN:
I'm a psychic.

KATARINA:
They called in a psychic?

SHAWN:
I have very unique and special abilities.

KATARINA:
Well, Shawn Spencer, if you need to ask any questions...

SHAWN:
Just one. Do you currently have a boyfriend?

KATARINA:
Is that pertinent?

SHAWN:
It very well could be.

KATARINA:
Uh, well, yes. I'm sort of seeing someone. Nothing serious though.

SHAWN:
Nothing too serious. That's good. That's very good. (looks to GUS then back to KATARINA) I think that's it for now. I'll be in touch.

KATARINA leaves.

GUS:
How do you luck into these women all the time?

SHAWN:
Gus, please. I am a professional gathering information.

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM, DAY

SHAWN is looking through a photo album. All around them, the police have set up maps and diagrams.

GUS:
What are we looking for?

SHAWN:
Pictures of that Katarina girl. Preferably at the beach, maybe on her way to yoga. Or at a Halloween party dressed as a cat.

GUS takes out a foil packet of pills.

SHAWN:
What are those for?

GUS:
It's for anxiety.

SHAWN:
Is it ethical to sample your own samples?

LUCINDA:
Mr. Spencer, the sketch artist is here for you.

SHAWN:
The sketch artist.

LUCINDA:
The chief insisted.

SHAWN:
Interim chief.

LUCINDA:
Yeah. You call her that. (leaves)

SHAWN:
(to GUS) I'll be right back.

INT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, DEN, DAY

The sketch artist has drawn a man wearing a jacket and knitted cap.

SHAWN:
Oh, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, with the shading. The shading's nice. Uh, here's a question. Do you think you could have him looking further to the left... his eye line further to the left?

GUS finds him.

GUS:
Shawn.

SHAWN:
Yeah?

GUS:
Can I talk to you for a second?

SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah. (to artist) So just more to the left, and I think we're there. All right. (stands and walks to GUS) What's up?

GUS:
What are you doing?

SHAWN:
Just... just work with me.

GUS:
Tell them your blocked or something.

SHAWN:
I'm gonna have to use that later. (to artist) Uh, how we looking over there?

The artist shows SHAWN the sketch.

SHAWN:
Oh, that's great. Now look how good that is.

GUS sees a photograph on a table that shows the man in that exact pose.

SHAWN:
See how he's looking off to the left like he's seeing something? As far as the hair goes, can we get the bangs wispier like he's trying to compensate for like maybe he's thinning in the back and sort of got a swoop?

An older WOMAN who is talking with LUCINDA sees the sketch and screams. KATARINA enters the room behind GUS and SHAWN.

WOMAN:
Oh, my gosh! It's Bill! Oh, it's Bill! Oh, honey, come here quick. Bill's the kidnapper!

KATARINA looks at the sketch.

KATARINA:
That's the exact cap I gave him.

GUS walks over and blocks the photo from view.

SHAWN:
Okay, everybody. Stop. (closes his eyes as if having a vision) No, no! I'm sorry. Bill is not the
kidnapper.

GUS picks up the photo and tucks it under his jacket.

SHAWN:
Not the kidnapper. Bill is just a horrible human being. (KATARINA is aghast) Who is "Bill"? I'm getting, uh, multiple women. Is he a bigamist? Pimp? Does he sell children on the black market?

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DOOR, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are leaving just as Mr. MacCALLUM arrives.

SHAWN:
Mr. McCallum, I'm Shawn Spencer, the psychic.

MacCALLUM:
Well, thank you for coming. If there's anything i can do...

SHAWN:
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, sir.

MacCALLUM:
Nothing can prepare you for something like this knowing you can't do anything. Call me any time with any questions. (starts to go inside)

SHAWN:
Uh, actually, I do have one question, sir. How did he feel about the dog?

MacCALLUM:
Well, he loved that damn thing. Didn't do anything without it.

SHAWN:
Yeah. That'll do it. Thank you, sir.

MacCALLUM goes inside and SHAWN and GUS head for the car.

EXT. MacCALLUM RESIDENCE, FRONT DRIVE, DAY

GUS:
Does he like his dog? That's how you investigate?

SHAWN:
I think we're making progress.

GUS:
Since you've been here, all you've done is dig through the trash, hit on the victim's sister, and falsely accuse her boyfriend.

SHAWN:
Gus, he is not her boyfriend. She made a point to say they're free to see other people.

GUS:
Whatever you say, Shawn. Have a blast. I quit.

SHAWN:
You can't quit. We just got started.

SHAWN stops as GUS keeps walking.

GUS:
Watch me.

GUS puts his case in the car’s backseat.

SHAWN:
It's gonna be fun!

GUS gets in the car and starts the engine.

SHAWN:
Gus, get back here!

GUS backs out of the driveway.

SHAWN:
Fine. I'll solve this case by myself.

INT. GUS’ APARTMENT, BEDROOM, MORNING

The clock on the nighttable reads 6:07. GUS opens his eyes as he hears a door close. Realizing someone is in his apartment, he climbs out of bed and heads for the door.

INT. GUS’ APARTMENT, HALL, MORNING

GUS peeks out of the door before dashing across the hall to where his sample case is. He grabs it and rushes to the kitchen with a shout.

INT. GUS’ APARTMENT, KITCHEN, MORNING

SHAWN is calmly pouring himself a cup of coffee. GUS rolls his eyes.

SHAWN:
Gus, I hate to imagine what the rest of your plan was.

GUS:
How did you get in?

SHAWN picks up a fake stone off the counter and flips it open to reveal a key.

SHAWN:
Far less effective on a second-floor landing.

GUS:
(puts down case) What do you want, Shawn?

SHAWN:
Can I ask you something about the case, please?

GUS:
No.

SHAWN:
I was right.

GUS:
I'm done, Shawn. I don't want to commit felonies and perjury and pretend to be...

SHAWN:
You're dying to know who kidnapped him. I know you are.

GUS:
No. No, I'm not. Because I don't believe that you can solve a crime the cops can't by simply walking through a house.

SHAWN:
Fine.

GUS:
Fine.

GUS picks up the case and leaves the kictchen. SHAWN leans against the counter and blows on his coffee. GUS slowly walks back and stops in the doorway. SHAWN smiles.

GUS:
All right, whatever. Who kidnapped him?

SHAWN:
Nobody.

GUS:
Nobody! Excellent. Call the chief at home. Tell her the crime is solved. Because apparently, we just imagined the whole thing.

SHAWN:
Gus, nobody kidnapped him because he did it himself. (motions to kitchen table) Come on. See for yourself.

They sit at the table where photos are spread out and SHAWN give GUS a coffee.

SHAWN:
Okay. Here's the thing. Camden didn't offer to clean up his act voluntarily. Oh, no. Daddy threatened to cut him off permanently. This was about 18 months ago.

GUS:
18 months?

SHAWN:
But wait. There's more. He had help.

GUS:
Who?

SHAWN:
(points to a man in a group photo) This guy on the end. Malcolm Orso. Only member of this crew that didn't go on to fame or fortune or rehab.

GUS:
The cops must've talked to him.

SHAWN:
Nope. Malcolm hasn't been seen with Camden for quite some time. To be exact...

GUS:
18 months.

SHAWN:
Almost to the day. Gus, he has been planning this thing for over a year.

GUS:
Shawn, this is good.

SHAWN:
Yeah.

GUS:
Where did you get this?

SHAWN:
Katarina McCallum's room.

GUS:
You didn't go in her room!

SHAWN:
Gus, I needed a ride. She hadn't eaten yet. One thing led to another, and we ended up sharing a milk shake.

GUS:
Whoa, wait a second. Wait a second. You're dating her?

SHAWN:
No. I'm not "dating".

GUS:
Yes, you are.

SHAWN:
It's not exclusive. (GUS stands and walks away) What? Gus, come on! Put some clothes on. This is gonna be fun. (claps) Let's go! I'm driving. Where are your keys? (finds keys) Never mind. I got 'em. Ooh. (holds up pineapple) Should I slice this up for the road?

Part 2
 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished