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02 November 2010 @ 04:32 pm
Transcript: 5x11 The Lodger  
Enjoy, everyone!



EXT. PARK, DAY

The TARDIS materializes and the DOCTOR opens the door to look around.

DOCTOR:
No, Amy, it's definitely not the fifth moon of Sinda Callista. I think I can see a Ryman's.

There is a blast from inside the TARDIS and the DOCTOR is knocked to the ground.

DOCTOR:
Amy! Amy!

The TARDIS dematerializes.

INT. TARDIS

The TARDIS is out of control and wires are sparking. AMY pulls herself up and looks at the monitor.

AMY:
Doctor! It's saying we're on Earth! Essex, Colchester.

The TARDIS stops shaking and AMY realizes the DOCTOR isn’t there.

AMY:
Doctor?! It's taking off again. Doctor, can you hear me?

EXT. PARK, DAY

The DOCTOR looks at where the TARDIS used to be.

DOCTOR:
Amy! Amy...

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET, DAY

ONE DAY LATER…

A YOUNG MAN is walking down the street when he hears a man’s voice over the front door intercom.


VOICE:
Hello? Hello, please? Hello? I need your help. There's been an accident.

The YOUNG MAN approaches and stands hesitantly in front of the door.

VOICE:
Please, help me.

With a buzz, the door opens and the YOUNG MAN enters.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

We look down the stairs into the front hall as the YOUNG MAN steps inside. The lights flicker.

YOUNG MAN:
Hello?

VOICE:
Please, will you help me?

The YOUNG MAN shuts the door.

YOUNG MAN:
Help you? What's wrong?

A figure in silhouette stands at the top of the stairs.

VOICE:
Something terrible's happened. Please help me.

The YOUNG MAN climbs the stairs and enters the upstairs flat. The door closes seemingly on its own.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

A woman, SOPHIE, takes off her jacket and drapes it over a desk chair while the occupant of the flat, CRAIG, is in the kitchen.

SOPHIE:
Craig, what's that on the ceiling?

CRAIG:
What's what on the ceiling?

SOPHIE:
That! (points to a large stain) It's coming from upstairs. Who lives up there again?

CRAIG:
Just some bloke.

CRAIG returns to fixing the tea and doesn’t see the stain spread. He brings the tea to SOPHIE and joins her on the couch.

CRAIG:
So what's the plan tonight? Pizza, booze, telly?

SOPHIE:
Yeah, pizza, booze, telly.

There is a load thumping and banging from upstairs.

SOPHIE:
What is he doing up there?

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

We look up to the top flat as the lights flicker and electricity buzzes.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

CRAIG is looking up at the ceiling.

SOPHIE:
You put the advert up yet?

CRAIG:
Yeah, did it today, paper shop window. "One furnished room available immediately, shared kitchen, bathroom, with 27-year-old male, non smoker, £400 pcm - per calendar month - suit young professional."

SOPHIE’S mobile rings.

SOPHIE:
Mmm, sounds ideal. That's your mission in life, Craig. Find me a man! (gets up and gets jacket)

CRAIG:
Yeah, otherwise you'll have to settle for me.

SOPHIE:
You'll have to settle for me first. (looks at phone) Oh, Melina again. (answers) What? Right. Yeah, but I've kind of got plans.

CRAIG stands on a chair to examine the stain.

SOPHIE:
No, it's nothing important, it's just Craig.

CRAIG:
Oh, thanks, Soph!

SOPHIE:
(to CRAIG) Sorry, you know what I mean! (into phone) OK. I'll talk to Craig, OK. (shuts off phone) Now she's having a Dylan crisis on top of the Clare crisis. It could be another all-nighter. I'm sorry, but I really should go. Do you mind if I go?

CRAIG:
No, not at all. No, honestly, course not, go.

SOPHIE:
Cos I could stay.

CRAIG:
No, go on.

SOPHIE:
I mean, we've got plans.

CRAIG:
Just pizza.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, it's just pizza.

They look awkwardly at each other for a moment.

SOPHIE:
OK! Right, I'm going.

CRAIG:
All right, then. Well, um, I'll see you soon.

SOPHIE:
(opens door) Yeah.

CRAIG:
All right, and give me a call, I hope everything's OK.

SOPHIE:
Thanks, sorry. (closes the door behind her)

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

Upon closing the door, SOPHIE leans back against it with a sigh. As she heads for the front door, she hears more banging from upstairs. She looks and sees a man through the stained glass window. SOPHIE leaves.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

CRAIG nervously snaps his fingers as he walks to his kitchen. On the refrigerator door, he has a photo of himself and SOPHIE.

CRAIG:
Just tell her. Just tell her. "I love you." "I love you." Oh, jus… "Hey, I don't know if you knew..." Oh! (bangs head against fridge)

The front doorbell rings. CRAIG looks around and sees SOPHIE’S keys.

CRAIG:
Every time! (grabs keys) I love you. I love you.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

CRAIG goes to the front door.

CRAIG:
I love you. I love you! (opens door)

EXT. HOUSE, DAY

CRAIG:
I love you!

CRAIG is stunned to see the DOCTOR on his doorstep, not SOPHIE. The DOCTOR is wearing an earpiece.

DOCTOR:
Well, that's good, cos I'm your new lodger. Do you know, (takes keys) this is going to be easier than I expected!

**********************************************

Matt Smith
Karen Gillan

DOCTOR WHO
"The Lodger”
by Gareth Roberts

Producer
Tracie Simpson
Patrick Schweitzer

Director
Catherine Mooreshead

************************************************

EXT. HOUSE, DAY

CRAIG:
But I only just put the advert up today, I didn't put my address.

DOCTOR:
Well, aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know. (looks up) Less of a young professional, more of an ancient amateur, but frankly I'm an absolute dream.

CRAIG:
(flustered) Hang on, mate, I don't know if I want you staying, and give me back those keys, you can't have those!

DOCTOR:
Yes, quite right. Have some rent. (hands CRAIG a small paper bag)

CRAIG opens the bag to see it filled with cash notes.

DOCTOR:
That's probably quite a lot, isn't it? Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell.

The DOCTOR steps past CRAIG into the house. CRAIG follows, closing the door.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The lights flicker again.

DOCTOR:
Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets. Ooh. (gives CRAIG Gallic air kisses) That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor, I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. Still don't know why.

CRAIG:
Craig Owens. The Doctor?

DOCTOR:
Yep. Who lives upstairs?

CRAIG:
Just some bloke.

DOCTOR:
What does he look like?

CRAIG:
Normal. He's very quiet.(there is a loud bang from above) Usually. Sorry, who are you again? Hello?!

INT. PARLOR, DAY

The DOCTOR enters the flat followed by CRAIG.

CRAIG:
Excuse me?

The DOCTOR goes straight to the corner with the spreading stain on the ceiling.

DOCTOR:
Ah! I suppose that's...dry rot?

CRAIG:
Or damp. Or mildew.

DOCTOR:
Or none of the above.

CRAIG:
I'll get someone to fix it.

DOCTOR:
No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister. This is the most beautiful parlour I have ever seen, you're obviously a man of impeccable taste. (sits on countertop) I can stay, Craig, can't I? Say I can.

CRAIG:
You haven't even seen the room.

DOCTOR:
The room?

CRAIG:
Your room.

DOCTOR:
My room? Oh, yes, my room, my room. Take me to my room!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

CRAIG:
Yeah, this is Mark's old room, he owns the place, moved out about a month ago. An uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money.

DOCTOR:
(tests bed) How very convenient. This'll do just right. In fact... (more noise from above) No time to lose. I'll take it. Ah...you'll want to see my credentials. (takes out psychic paper and keeps switching it) There...National Insurance number... NHS number... References....

CRAIG:
Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?

DOCTOR:
I'm his special favourite. (puts a finger to his lips) Are you hungry? I'm hungry.

CRAIG:
I haven't got anything in.

INT. KITCHEN, DAY

The DOCTOR raids the fridge and cabinets.

DOCTOR:
You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes! Pour deux! (begins to cook) So who's the girl on the fridge?

CRAIG:
My friend. Sophie.

DOCTOR:
Girlfriend?

CRAIG:
A friend who is a girl. There's nothing going on.

DOCTOR:
Ah, that's completely normal. Works for me.

CRAIG:
We met at work about a year ago at the call centre.

DOCTOR:
Oh, really, a communications exchange? That could be handy.

CRAIG:
Firm's going down though. The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model. I know what they should do, I got a plan all worked out, but I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you.

DOCTOR:
I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around.

CRAIG:
Right, where's your stuff?

DOCTOR:
Don't worry, it'll materialise, if all goes to plan.

EXT. PARK, DAY

The TARDIS attempts to materialize.

INT. TARDIS

AMY is frustrated with the controls and the TARDIS in general.

AMY:
Oh, which one, which one?! No! Why won't you land?!

EXT. PARK, DAY

The TARDIS dematerializes.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

The DOCTOR and CRAIG have just finished their eggs.

CRAIG:
Oh, that was incredible! That was absolutely brilliant. Where did you learn to cook?

DOCTOR:
Paris, in the 18th century. No, hang on, that's not recent, is it? 17th? No, no, no, 20th. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order.

CRAIG:
Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?

DOCTOR:
They never really stop. Ever been to Paris, Craig?

CRAIG:
Nah, I can't see the point of Paris. I'm not much of a traveller.

DOCTOR:
I can tell from your sofa.

CRAIG:
My sofa?

DOCTOR:
You're starting to look like it.

CRAIG:
(laughs) Thanks, mate, that's lovely! No, I like it here. (fondles the keychain) I'd miss it, I'd miss...

DOCTOR:
Those keys?

CRAIG:
What?

DOCTOR:
You're sort of... fondling them.

CRAIG:
I'm holding them. (sets them on sofa arm)

DOCTOR:
Right.

CRAIG:
Anyway...(gets up and walks to table by the door and fishes out a set of keys) these... these are your keys.

DOCTOR:
I can stay? (the DOCTOR meets him halfway)

CRAIG:
Yeah, you're weird and you can cook, it's good enough for me. (holds up each key) Right, outdoor, front door, your door.

DOCTOR:
My door. My place. My gaff. (takes keys) Ha-ha! Yes! Me with a key.

CRAIG:
And listen, Mark and I, we had an arrangement where if you ever need me out of your hair, just give me a shout, OK? (winks)

DOCTOR:
(winks back) Why would I want that?

CRAIG:
In case you want to bring someone round. A girlfriend or... a boyfriend?

DOCTOR:
Oh, I will. I'll shout if that happens. Yes. Something like... I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! By the way, that... the rot. I've got the strangest feeling we shouldn't touch it. (leaves)

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

The DOCTOR flops on the bed, the communicator blinking in his ear.

DOCTOR:
Earth to Pond, Earth to Pond.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Come in, Pond.

AMY:
(grabs microphone) Doctor!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

The DOCTOR winces at the feedback.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Oooh. Sorry!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Could you not wreck my new earpiece, Pond?

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

CRAIG is lying in bed looking over the money the DOCTOR gave him as he talks on the phone with SOPHIE.

CRAIG:
No, I mean, he seems a laugh. He's a bit weird, good weird, you know?

SOPHIE: (over mobile)
And he just happens to have three grand on him in a paper bag?

CRAIG:
Yeah.

INT. SOPHIE’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

SOPHIE is also in bed.

SOPHIE:
Wait, wait. "The Doctor"?!

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

SOPHIE: (over mobile)
Craig, what if he's a dealer?!

EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT

A WOMAN walks down the street after a night out at the clubs.

VOICE:
Hello. Stop, please. Can you hear me? I need your help.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
How's the TARDIS coping?

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
See for yourself. (holds the mic out so the DOCTOR can hear the TARDIS)

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
(sits up) Ooh, nasty. She's locked in a materialisation loop, trying to land again

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
…but she can't.

AMY:
And whatever's stopping her is upstairs in that flat. So go upstairs and sort it!

EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT

VOICE:
Please. My little girl's hurt.

The WOMAN enters the house.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
I don't know what it is yet! (stands on bed) Anything that can stop the TARDIS from landing is big, scary big!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Wait...are you scared?

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

A figure stands at the top of the stairs.

VOICE:
I'm so sorry, but will you help me? Please.

WOMAN:
(climbs stairs) Help you?

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

SOPHIE: (over mobile)
A bow tie, are you serious?!

CRAIG:
(hears the DOCTOR) Hang on a sec.

INT. SOPHIE’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

SOPHIE:
What? Craig, Craig?

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

CRAIG gets out of bed and walks to the wall shared with the DOCTOR’S room to listen.

DOCTOR: (through wall)
..Orange juice, eocenes Arbuckle, rare tarantula on the table, ooh!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
I can't go up there until I know what it is and how to deal with it! It is vital that this "man" upstairs doesn't realise who and what I am. (bounces on the bed and smiles) So no sonicking. No advanced technology. I can only use this (taps earpiece) ‘cos we're on scramble. (jumps to floor) To anyone else hearing this conversation, we're talking absolute gibberish.

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR: (through wall)
Practical eruption in chicken. Descartes Lombardy spiral.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? (puts on sunglasses)

AMY: (over earpiece)
Have you seen you?

DOCTOR:
So you're just going to be snide? No helpful hints?

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Hmm, well, here's one...bow tie, get rid!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
(checks himself in mirror) Bow ties are cool. (puts sunglasses in pocket) Come on, Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do.

AMY: (over earpiece)
They watch telly, they play football…

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
they go down the pub.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
(flips through book) I could do those things! I don't, but I could!

There is a crashing from above.

DOCTOR:
Hang on. Wait, wait, wait! Amy?!

INT. TARDIS

Screaming, AMY grabs onto the console as the TARDIS shakes again.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

The hands of the clocks in the room begins spinning back and forth. The DOCTOR looks at his watch and sees the same thing.

DOCTOR:
Interesting. Localised time loop.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Ow! What's all that?

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Time distortion. Whatever's happening upstairs, is still affecting you.

INT. TARDIS

AMY screams again as the TARDIS lurches.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, NIGHT

Lights flash through the door to the upstairs flat.

INT. HOUSE, TOP FLAT, NIGHT

The WOMAN screams.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
It's stopped...ish!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

AMY: (over earpiece)
How about your end?

DOCTOR:
My end's good.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
So, doesn't sound great, but nothing to worry about?

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
No, no, no, not really! Just keep the zigzag plotter on full,

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
that'll protect you.

AMY pulls the switch as directed but it does nothing.

AMY:
Ah!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Amy, I said the zigzag plotter!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
I pulled the zigzag plotter!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
What, you're standing with the door behind you?

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Yes!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
(mimes what he says) OK, take two steps to your right and pull it again!

INT. TARDIS

AMY does as the DOCTOR says and the grating eases. She sighs in relief.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Oh. Now, I must not use the sonic. I've got work to do, need to pick up a few items.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Hey!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

The DOCTOR throws some items on the bed and walks out of the room.

EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT

The DOCTOR walks backwards towards the house, pulling a shopping trolley. The trolley is filled with odds and ends. In the distance, a cat meows.

DOCTOR:
Ssh! Don't get comfortable!

The DOCTOR pulls the house keys from his pocket and unlocks the front door.

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

CRAIG is standing outside the bathroom. From inside we hear water running and the DOCTOR singing. CRAIG knocks on the door.

CRAIG:
Doctor!

DOCTOR:
Hello?!

CRAIG:
How long are you going to be in there?

DOCTOR:
Oh, sorry, I like a good soak!

There is a loud banging from above.

CRAIG:
(looks up) What the hell was that?

INT. BATHROOM, DAY

The DOCTOR is in the shower.

DOCTOR:
What did you say?

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

CRAIG:
I'm just going to go upstairs, see if he's OK.

INT. BATHROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Sorry?

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

CRAIG heads for the flat door.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

CRAIG opens the door into the hall and heads up the stairs.

INT. BATHROOM, DAY

The DOCTOR peeks around the curtain.

DOCTOR:
What did you say?

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

CRAIG knocks on the door of the upstairs flat and it is opened a crack by an older gentlemen.

MAN:
Yes? Hello?

INT. BATHROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Craig?

The DOCTOR grabs a towel but slips on the bathroom floor as he gets out.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

CRAIG:
It's me from downstairs. I heard a big bang.

INT. BATHROOM, DAY

The DOCTOR sits up on the floor, soap in his eyes.

DOCTOR:
No choice...it's sonicking time.

Blinded by the soap, he reaches for the sonic screwdriver but grabs a toothbrush.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

MAN:
Thank you, Craig, but I don't need your help. (closes door)

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

The DOCTOR runs out of the bathroom. The towel wrapped around his waist slips to the floor.

DOCTOR:
Oops!

The DOCTOR picks up the towel and runs out.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The DOCTOR runs into the hall and aims what he believes to be the screwdriver up the stairs.

DOCTOR:
What happened, what's going on?

CRAIG:
Is that my toothbrush?

DOCTOR:
Correct. You spoke to the man upstairs?

CRAIG:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
What did he look like?

CRAIG:
More normal than you do at the moment, mate. What are you doing?

DOCTOR:
I thought you might be in trouble.

CRAIG:
Thanks(!) Well if I ever am, you can come and save me with my toothbrush.

The phone rings and CRAIG goes to answer it. The DOCTOR cautiously climbs the stairs. SOPHIE enters and sees the DOCTOR.

SOPHIE:
Ooh! Hello?

DOCTOR:
Ah! Hello! The Doctor. (comes down stairs) Right. You must be Sophie.

SOPHIE:
Mm-hm.

The DOCTOR gives her a Gallic air kiss like he gave CRAIG.

SOPHIE:
Oh...oh!

With a last look upstairs, the DOCTOR enters the flat.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

CRAIG is on the phone.

CRAIG:
No, Dom's in Malta, there's nobody around. Hang on a sec. (to DOCTOR) We've got a match today, pub league, we're one down if you fancy it?

DOCTOR:
Pub league? A drinking competition?

CRAIG:
No...football...play football?

DOCTOR:
Football. Football! Yes, blokes play football! I'm good at football, I think.

CRAIG:
You've saved my life! (pats him on the cheek) (into phone) I've got somebody. All right, see you down there. Hey, Soph.

The DOCTOR goes to the fridge and takes out a carton of milk.

SOPHIE:
Hey, I thought I'd come early and meet your new flatmate.

DOCTOR:
Do you play, Sophie? (drinks from the carton)

CRAIG:
No, Soph just stands on the sidelines, she's my mascot.

SOPHIE:
I'm your mascot? Mascot?!

CRAIG:
Well, not my mascot, it's a football match, I can't take a date.

SOPHIE:
I didn't say I was your date.

CRAIG:
Neither did I.

The three stand in an awkward silence.

DOCTOR:
Better get dressed.

The DOCTOR hands CRAIG his toothbrush back and heads for his room.

CRAIG:
Oh, the spare kit's just in the bottom drawer.

DOCTOR:
Bit of a mess. (closes bedroom door)

CRAIG:
What d'you think?

SOPHIE:
You didn't say he was gorgeous!

The DOCTOR opens the door to his room.

DOCTOR:
You unlocked the door. How did you do that? Those are your keys, you must have left them last time you came here.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, but I...How do you know these are my keys?

CRAIG:
I've been holding them!

SOPHIE:
I have got another set.

DOCTOR:
You've got two sets of keys to someone else's house?

SOPHIE:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
I see! You must like it here too. (closes bedroom door)

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

The DOCTOR changes into his uniform while talking to AMY.

DOCTOR:
So I'm going out, if I hang about the house all the time, him upstairs might get suspicious, notice me.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Football, OK, well done, that is normal.

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Yeah, football, all outdoorsy.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Now, football's the one with the sticks, isn't it?

EXT. PARK, DAY

The DOCTOR is walking with CRAIG and SOPHIE.

CRAIG:
What are you actually called, what's your proper name?

DOCTOR:
Just call me the Doctor.

SOPHIE:
Yeah.

CRAIG:
I can't say to these guys, "Hey, this is my new flatmate, he's called the Doctor."

DOCTOR:
Why not?

CRAIG:
‘Cos it's weird.

They are greeted by SEAN, one of CRAIG’S teammates.

SEAN:
All right, Craig. Soph. All right, mate.

DOCTOR:
(shakes SEAN’S hand) Hello, I'm Craig's new flatmate. (Gallic kiss) I'm called the Doctor.

SEAN:
All right, Doctor. I'm Sean. Where are you strongest?

DOCTOR:
Arms.

CRAIG:
No, he means, what position? On the field?

DOCTOR:
Not sure. The front? The side? Below?

SEAN:
Are you any good though?

The DOCTOR spins the ball on his fingertips.

DOCTOR:
Let's find out! (kicks the ball and heads out to the field)

As the team plays, the DOCTOR takes over the field, intercepting passes to other players and scoring goals. SOPHIE cheers from the sidelines. This upsets CRAIG. Soon the majority of the onlookers begin chanting “Doctor!”

EXT. HOUSE, DAY

A WOMAN walks down the street. A little girl’s voice comes over the intercom.

VOICE:
Please can you help me? Can you help me, please? Can you help me?

The WOMAN stops and approaches the door.

WOMAN:
Hello? (goes inside)

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The figure of a girl stands at the top of the steps.

GIRL:
I've lost my mum, I don't know where she is. Please can you help me?

WOMAN:
Help you? You poor thing, what's happened? (goes upstairs)

The GIRL heads into the flat.

GIRL:
Can you help me find her?

EXT. PARK, DAY

The game is over and the team and friends are gathered around a bench having some beers.

SEAN:
You are so on the team! Next week we've got the Crown and Anchor, we'll annihilate them!

DOCTOR:
No violence, not while I'm around, not today, not ever. I'm the Doctor, the oncoming storm... and you meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?

SEAN:
Yeah.

DOCTOR:
Lovely, what sort of time?

CRAIG opens a can and it spills over and everyone laughs. It keeps happening, involving everyone but the DOCTOR. He leaves the small group to make contact with AMY.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT, DAY

The WOMAN screams in pain.

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Amy?

INT. TARDIS

Once again, the TARDIS is shaking.

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Amy?

AMY:
It's happening again! Worse!

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
What does the scanner say?

INT. TARDIS

AMY looks at the scanner.

AMY:
A lot of nines. Is it good that they're nines? Tell me it's good that they're all nines!

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Yes, yes, it's...it's good! Zigzag plotter, zigzag plotter, Amy.

INT. TARDIS

AMY uses the zigzag plotter but there is no change. She is then thrown by the TARDIS as it lurches. She screams.

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Amy? Are you there?

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Amy?

AMY:
Yes, hello.

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Ah, thank heavens. I thought the TARDIS had been flung off into the vortex with you inside it,

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
…lost forever.

AMY:
You mean that could actually happen!?

EXT. PARK, DAY

AMY: (over earpiece)
You have got to get me out of here.

DOCTOR:
How are the numbers?

INT. TARDIS

AMY checks the scanner.

AMY:
All fives.

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Fives? (looks to see the time loop ended) Even better.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Still, it means the effect's almost unbelievably powerful and dangerous, but don't worry.

EXT. PARK, DAY

DOCTOR:
Hang on, OK?

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
I've got some rewiring to do.

AMY:
Hey! You..."hang on"!

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

CRAIG comes down the hall from his bedroom to the DOCTOR’S and knocks on the door. The DOCTOR opens the door, an orange traffic cone under his arm.

DOCTOR:
Hello, flatmate.

CRAIG:
Hey, man. Listen, Sophie's coming round tonight and I was wondering if you could give us some space?

DOCTOR:
Oh, don't mind me. You won't even know I'm here.

There is another loud noise from above and the DOCTOR looks up.

DOCTOR:
That's the idea.

The DOCTOR closes the door and CRAIG stands there listening.

DOCTOR:
Yes, perfect! What a beauty!

There is some rustling and clinking but CRAIG just shrugs it off.

INT. PARLOR, NIGHT

SOPHIE and CRAIG are on the couch. SOPHIE notices the stain on the ceiling.

SOPHIE:
That's got bigger.

CRAIG:
Oh, yeah.

SOPHIE:
Are we going out?

CRAIG:
I've had a bit of a weird day, can we do pizza-booze-telly?

SOPHIE:
Great, love it! Wait. (shuts off mobile) No Melina, no crises, no interruptions.

CRAIG:
Great. Excellent. Um, Soph...I've...I think...

SOPHIE:
Where's this going?

CRAIG:
I think that we...should...

SOPHIE nods as she waits for CRAIG to finish his sentence.

DOCTOR:
Hello.

The DOCTOR is kneeling behind the sofa, only his head showing.

CRAIG:
What?

DOCTOR:
Whoops, sorry, don't worry, I wasn't listening, in a world of my own down there.

CRAIG:
I thought you were going out?

DOCTOR:
Just re-connecting all the electrics, it's a real mess. Where's the on-switch for this? (holds out a normal screwdriver)

CRAIG:
He really is on his way out.

SOPHIE:
No, I don't mind, if you don't mind.

CRAIG:
(upset) I don't mind, why would I mind?

SOPHIE:
(to DOCTOR) Then stay, have a drink with us.

DOCTOR:
What, do I have to stay now?

CRAIG:
Do you want to stay?

DOCTOR:
I don't mind.

SOPHIE:
OK!

CRAIG:
Great!

LATER…

The DOCTOR is sitting in a chair working with the electric wires around his neck. SOPHIE is drinking a glass of wine and CRAIG is looking up at the ceiling.


SOPHIE:
Cos life can seem pointless, Doctor. Work, weekend, work, weekend. And there's six billion people on the planet doing pretty much the same.

DOCTOR:
Six billion people? Watching you two at work, I'm starting to wonder where they all come from.

SOPHIE:
What? What do you mean by that?

DOCTOR:
So, the call centre. That's no good? What do you really want to do?

SOPHIE:
Don't laugh. I only ever told Craig about it. I want to work looking after animals. Maybe abroad? I saw this orangutan sanctuary on telly.

DOCTOR:
What's stopping you?

CRAIG:
She can't, you need loads of qualifications.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, true. Plus it's scary, everyone I know lives round here. Craig got offered a job in London, better money, didn't take it.

CRAIG:
What's wrong with staying here? I can't see the point of London.

DOCTOR:
Well, perhaps that’s you, then. Perhaps you'll just have to stay here, secure and a little bit miserable until the day you drop. Better than trying and failing, eh?

SOPHIE:
You think I'd fail?

DOCTOR:
Everybody's got dreams, Sophie, very few are going to achieve them, so why pretend? (sips wine then makes a face and spits it back into the glass) Perhaps, in the whole universe, a call centre is where you should be?

SOPHIE:
Why are you saying that? That's horrible.

DOCTOR:
Is it true?

SOPHIE:
Of course it's not true. I'm not staying in a call centre all my life, I can do anything I want!

The DOCTOR smiles.

SOPHIE:
Oh! Yeah! Right! (fist bumps the DOCTOR) (to CRAIG) Oh, my God! Did you see what he just did?

CRAIG:
No, what's happening? Are you going to live with monkeys now?

DOCTOR:
It's a big old world, Sophie. Work out what's really keeping you here, eh?

SOPHIE:
I don't know. Dunno.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

CRAIG escorts SOPHIE to the door.

CRAIG:
So, are you going to be taking off then, seeing the world?

SOPHIE:
What? Do you think I should?

CRAIG:
Yeah... Like the Doctor says, what's keeping you here?

SOPHIE:
Yeah, exactly! What? Bye.

CRAIG:
See you.

They hug.

CRAIG:
See you in a bit.

SOPHIE:
Yeah. (leaves)

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

The DOCTOR has created a large and ungainly device from all the bits and pieces he has collected. He has set the main part on the bed frame and ducks out of the way as it begins to spin wobbly.

DOCTOR:
Right. Shield's up. Let's scan!

AMY: (over earpiece)
What are you getting?

The DOCTOR looks at a converted digital clock.

DOCTOR:
Upstairs.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
No traces of high technology. Totally

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
normal. No no, no, no, it can't be! It's too normal.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Only for you could too normal be a problem. You said I could be lost forever. Just go upstairs.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, NIGHT

DOCTOR:
Without knowing, get myself killed, then you really are lost. If I could just get a look in there... Hold on.

(stops the device spinning)
Use the data bank, get me the plans of this building - its history, the layout, everything.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
Meanwhile, I shall recruit a spy.

INT. PARLOR, NIGHT

CRAIG is clearing up after SOPHIE’S visit and looks up at the ceiling. Curious, he steps onto a chair. He starts to reach out but stops.

CRAIG:
The Rotmeister... (touches the stain and receives a shock) Ahh! Ow! (steps down and shakes his hand)

INT. FLAT HALL, DAY

The DOCTOR walks down the hall, carrying a breakfast tray. He stops at CRAIG’S door.

DOCTOR:
Craig! Craig? (knocks on door) Breakfast. It's normal. Craig? (opens door) Craig!

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, DAY

CRAIG is lying unmoving on his bed. The DOCTOR rushes over and puts the tray down on the bed. He kneels beside him and grabs CRAIG’S arm.

DOCTOR:
Craig, I told you not to touch it! What's that? (a large streak is running up CRAIG’S arm) An unfamiliar and obviously poisonous substance. "Oh, I know what would be really clever, I'll stick my hand in it!" Come on, Craig, breathe.

The DOCTOR pounds on CRAIG’S chest and CRAIG gasps.

DOCTOR:
Come on, Craig, breathe! Thems are healthy footballer's lungs!

The DOCTOR grabs the teapot and runs from the room.

INT. KITCHEN, DAY

The DOCTOR grabs teabags and crams them into the pot.

DOCTOR:
Right. Reverse the enzyme decay. Excite the tannin molecules.

Rushes back to CRAIG’S room.

INT. CRAIG’S BEDROOM, DAY

The DOCTOR makes CRAIG drink the tea via the spout.

CRAIG:
(hoarsely) I've got to go to work.

DOCTOR:
On no account. You need rest. One more.

CRAIG:
(drinks) It's the planning meeting, it's important.

DOCTOR:
You're important. You're going to be fine, Craig.

CRAIG falls asleep and the DOCTOR slips out.

LATER…

CRAIG rolls over to see that it is 2:45 in the afternoon. He gets up in a panic.


CRAIG:
What! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

Dressed for work, CRAIG runs out the door.

INT. WORK CORRIDOR, DAY

CRAIG runs down the hallway and into the call center.

INT. CALL CENTER, DAY

MICHAEL:
Oh, afternoon.

CRAIG:
I'm so sorry, Michael, I don't know what happened, I've got no excuse.

The DOCTOR pops up from under the desk right where MICHAEL and CRAIG are standing. He has on a headset and is speaking with a customer.

DOCTOR: (into headset)
I think that's not what my screen is telling me, Mr Lang.

CRAIG:
What's he doing here? What are you doing here?

DOCTOR: (into headset)
If that's your attitude, Mr Lang, please take your custom elsewhere. (blows raspberry)

CRAIG:
No, no, no, that's one of my best clients!

DOCTOR:
Craig, how are you feeling? Had some time to kill, I was curious, never worked in an office. Never worked in anywhere.

CRAIG:
You're insane!

MICHAEL:
Leave off the Doctor, I love the Doctor. He was brilliant in the planning meeting.

CRAIG:
You went to the planning meeting?

DOCTOR:
Yes. I was your representative. We don't need Mr Lang any more. Rude Mr Lang.

SOPHIE arrives with tea and biscuits.

SOPHIE:
Here you go, and I found some custard creams!

DOCTOR:
Sophie, my hero.

SOPHIE:
Hi, Craig. I went on the web, applied for a wildlife charity thing. They said I could always start as a volunteer straight away. Should I do it?

CRAIG:
Yeah, great, yeah, good, go for it.

DOCTOR:
You look awful. About turn! Bed. Now. Who next? (types at keyboard) Oh, yes.

SOPHIE walks away. MICHAEL waves goodbye and CRAIG heads for the door in frustration.

DOCTOR: (into headset)
Hello, Mr Joergensen. Can you hold? I have to eat a biscuit.

The DOCTOR looks over to the door and watches CRAIG leave. He also sees SOPHIE’S reaction.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

CRAIG goes through a drawer and pulls out a spare set of keys then heads for the DOCTOR’S bedroom door. He unlocks it and steps in.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

CRAIG stops when he sees the DOCTOR’S device still spinning.

CRAIG:
What the hell?

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

A cat comes down the stairs and meows. The DOCTOR enters and sees it.

DOCTOR:
Have you been upstairs? (cat meows) Yes? (deep throaty meow)

INT. PARLOR, DAY

CRAIG is throwing darts. He hears the DOCTOR in the front hall.

DOCTOR: (through wall)
You can do it. Show me what's up there? What's behind that door? Try to show me. Ohh, that doesn't make sense! Ever see anyone go up there? Lots of people? Good good.

CRAIG peers through the peephole and sees the DOCTOR on the stairs petting the cat.

DOCTOR:
What kind of people? People who never come back down. That's very bad.

CRAIG opens the door.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

DOCTOR:
(looks up) Oh, hello.

CRAIG:
I can't take this any more. I want you to go!

CRAIG goes back into the flat and the DOCTOR follows. CRAIG gives him the paper bag of money

CRAIG:
You can have this back an' all.

DOCTOR:
What have I done?

CRAIG:
For a start, talking to a cat.

DOCTOR:
(throws bag over his shoulder) Lots of people talk to cats.

CRAIG:
Everybody loves you, you're better at football than me, and my job, and now Sophie's all "Oh, monkeys, monkeys!" and then... (opens the door to the DOCTOR’S room) there's that!

The DOCTOR rushes over.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
It's art! A statement on modern society, "Ooh, ain't modern society awful?" (stops it spinning)

CRAIG:
Me and you, it’s not gonna work out. You've been here three days, the three weirdest days of my life.

DOCTOR:
Your days will get a lot weirder if I go!

CRAIG:
I thought it was good weird, but it’s not, it’s bad weird! I can't do this any more!

DOCTOR:
I can't leave this place. I'm like you, I can't see the point of anywhere else. Madrid, hah, what a dump! I have to stay.

CRAIG:
No, you don't, you have to leave!

DOCTOR:
I can't go!

CRAIG:
Just get out!

CRAIG goes to push the DOCTOR and the DOCTOR grabs him by the lapels.

DOCTOR:
Right! Only way! I'm going to show you something, but ssh, really, ssh! Oh, I am going to regret this. OK, right... First, general background!

The DOCTOR head-butts CRAIG. EACH man then grabs his head in pain with a groan. CRAIG “sees” the DOCTOR’S past incarnations and some adventures. He gasps in realization and points at the DOCTOR.

CRAIG:
You're a...

DOCTOR:
Yes.

CRAIG:
From... (points skywards)

DOCTOR:
Ssh.

CRAIG:
You've got a TARDIS!

DOCTOR:
Yes. Ssh! (motions to his face) Eleventh! Right... OK, specific detail!

He head-butts CRAIG again, filling him in on the reason he is there.

CRAIG:
You saw my ad in the paper shop window.

DOCTOR:
Yes, with this right above it. (shows CRAIG a note signed by AMY) Which is odd, because Amy hasn't written it yet. Time travel, it CAN happen.

CRAIG:
That's a scanner! You used non-technological technology of Lammasteen.

The DOCTOR claps a hand over CRAIG’S mouth.

DOCTOR:
Shut up!

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

SOPHIE enters and uses her key on the door to the flat. The figure of a girl appears at the top of the stairs.

GIRL:
Please can you help me?

SOPHIE:
Hi.

GIRL:
Please. Will you help me?

SOPHIE:
What's the matter, my love? (starts up the stairs) Help you?

SOPHIE follows the girl into the upstairs flat.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Aaargh! I am never, ever doing that ever ever again... (turns on earpiece) Amy!

CRAIG:
That's Amy Pond!

DOCTOR:
Oh, of course, you can understand us now, hurrah. (to AMY) Got those plans yet?

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Still searching for them!

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
I've worked it out with psychic help from a cat.

AMY:
Cat?

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Yes, I know he's got a time engine in the flat upstairs.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
He's using innocent people to try and launch it.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

DOCTOR:
Whenever he does, they get burnt up, hence the stain...

CRAIG:
From the ceiling?

DOCTOR:
Well done, Craig.

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
And you, Miss Pond, nearly get thrown off into the Vortex.

AMY:
Lovely!

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

A loud crash comes from above.

CRAIG:
People are dying up there? People are dying. People are dying.

DOCTOR:
Amy!

INT. TARDIS

AMY is thrown to the floor as the TARDIS lurches again.

INT. DOCTOR’S BEDROOM, DAY

CRAIG:
They're being killed!

DOCTOR:
Someone's up there.

The DOCTOR runs out of the room followed by CRAIG.

INT. TARDIS

AMY pulls herself up and clings to the monitor handle.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The DOCTOR and CRAIG run up the stairs.

AMY: (over earpiece)
Doctor!

DOCTOR:
Hang on!

CRAIG stops when he sees SOPHIE’S keys in the lock.

DOCTOR:
Craig, come on...someone's dying up there. (sees SOPHIE'S keys and runs upstairs)

CRAIG:
It's Sophie. It's Sophie that's dying up there, it's Sophie! (follows the DOCTOR)

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Doctor! Stop!

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The DOCTOR and CRAIG arrive outside the door of the top flat.

CRAIG:
Where's Sophie!

DOCTOR:
Wait, wait! Amy?

CRAIG:
I'm holding them. (sets them on sofa arm)

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Are you upstairs?

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

DOCTOR:
Just going in!

AMY: (over earpiece)
But you can't be upstairs.

DOCTOR:
Of course I can be upstairs!

CRAIG:
Come on!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
No! I've got the plans, you cannot be upstairs, it's a one-storey building.

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

AMY: (over earpiece)
There is no upstairs!

The DOCTOR and CRAIG look down the stairs before the DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver and they enter the flat.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

Beyond the normal looking front door is a very advanced spaceship. At its center is a control panel.

CRAIG:
What?

The DOCTOR and CRAIG slowly walk in.

DOCTOR:
What? Oh. Oh, of course! The time engine isn't IN the flat, the time engine IS the flat! Someone's attempt to build a TARDIS.

CRAIG:
No, there's always been an upstairs.

DOCTOR:
Has there? Think about it!

CRAIG:
Yes. No. I don't...

DOCTOR:
Perception filter. It's more than a disguise. It tricks your memory.

SOPHIE screams as she is pulled towards the controls.

CRAIG:
Sophie!

CRAIG and the DOCTOR run to her.

CRAIG:
Sophie! Oh, my God, Sophie! (grabs her hand to keep it from touching the glowing panel)

DOCTOR:
Craig! It's controlling her. It's willing her to touch the activator.

CRAIG:
It's not going to have her!

The DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver on the panel. SOPHIE touches it and screams.

DOCTOR:
Ah! Deadlock seal!

CRAIG:
You've got to do something!

The device lets her go and CRAIG eases her to the ground.

DOCTOR:
What? Why's it let her go?

The DOCTOR looks around and sees a dried up skeleton. As he crosses the center of the room, the hologram of the old man appears.

HOLOGRAM:
You will help me.

DOCTOR:
Right! Stop! Crashed ship, let's see. Hello, I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue. Please state the nature of your emergency.

HOLOGRAM:
The ship has crashed. The crew are dead. A pilot is required.

DOCTOR:
You're the emergency crash program. A hologram. You've been luring people up here so you can try them out.

The DOCTOR uses the sonic screwdriver and the hologram changes to that of the little girl, a younger man, then back to the old man.

HOLOGRAM:
You will help me, you will help me, you will help me.

SOPHIE:
Craig! Where am I?

DOCTOR:
Hush! Human brains aren't strong enough, they just burn. You're stupid, aren’t you? You just keep trying.

HOLOGRAM:
17 people have been tried. 6,000,400,026 remain.

SOPHIE:
(stands) Seriously, what is going on?

DOCTOR:
Oh, for goodness’ sake. The top floor of Craig's building is in reality an alien space ship,

INT. TARDIS

DOCTOR: (over speaker)
…intent on slaughtering the population of this planet.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

DOCTOR:
Any questions? No? Good.

SOPHIE:
Yes, I have questions.

HOLOGRAM:
The correct pilot has now been found.

DOCTOR:
Yes, I was worried you'd say that.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
He means you, Doctor, doesn't he?

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

Fingers of energy reach out and begin to pull the DOCTOR towards the control panel.

HOLOGRAM:
The correct pilot has been found. The correct pilot has been found.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
What's happening?

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

The DOCTOR tries to resist.

DOCTOR:
It's pulling me in! I'm the new pilot!

AMY: (over earpiece)
Could you do it?

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Could you fly the ship safely?

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

DOCTOR:
No, I'm way too much for this ship. My hand touches that panel, the planet doesn't blow up, the whole solar system does.

The DOCTOR halts his hand inches above the glowing panel.

HOLOGRAM:
The correct pilot has been found.

DOCTOR:
No...worst choice ever, I promise you. Stop this!

AMY: (over earpiece)
Doctor!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
It's getting worse.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

DOCTOR:
It doesn't want everyone. Craig, it didn't want you!

CRAIG:
I spoke to him and he said I couldn't help him!

DOCTOR:
It didn't want Sophie before but now it does. What's changed? (groans in pain) No! I gave her the idea of leaving! It's a machine that needs to leave, it wants people who want to escape! And you don't want to leave, Craig, you're Mr Sofa Man.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Doctor!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

DOCTOR:
Craig, you can shut down the engine. Put your hand on the panel and concentrate on why you want to stay!

SOPHIE:
Craig, no!

CRAIG:
Will it work?

DOCTOR:
Yes!

CRAIG:
Are you sure?

DOCTOR:
Yes!

CRAIG:
Is that a lie?

DOCTOR:
Of course, it's a lie!

CRAIG:
It's good enough for me. Geronimo!

CRAIG slams his palm onto the panel and screams as the energy courses through him. The ship releases its hold on the DOCTOR.

INT. TARDIS

AMY holds onto the monitor handle for dear life.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

SOPHIE:
Craig!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Doctor!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

The DOCTOR rushes over to CRAIG.

DOCTOR:
Craig, what's keeping you here? Think about everything that makes you want to stay here! Why don't you want to leave? (slaps CRAIG)

CRAIG:
Sophie! And I don't want to leave Sophie! I can't leave Sophie! I love Sophie!

SOPHIE:
I love you, too, Craig, you idiot! (slaps her hand down on the panel with CRAIG’S)

The ship begins to smoke and spark.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Doctor!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

CRAIG:
Honestly, do you mean that?

SOPHIE:
Of course I mean it! Do you mean it?

CRAIG:
I've always meant it. Seriously though, do you mean it?

SOPHIE:
Yes.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Ugh!

CRAIG: (over speaker)
But what about the monkeys?

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

DOCTOR:
Oh, not now, not again! Craig, the planet's about to burn! For God's sake, kiss the girl!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Kiss the girl!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

CRAIG and SOPHIE kiss and they are able to remove their hands from the panel.

INT. TARDIS

The TARDIS calms down and makes the normal sound of materialization.

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

AMY: (over earpiece)
Doctor!

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
You've done it. Aha, you've done it!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

AMY: (over earpiece)
Oh, now the screen's just zeros! Now it's minus ones, minus twos, minus threes...

SOPHIE and CRAIG are still kissing.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Big yes!

INT. UPSTAIRS FLAT/SPACESHIP, DAY

The HOLOGRAM cycles through its different voices and projections.

HOLOGRAM:
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.

DOCTOR:
Big no.

HOLOGRAM:
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.

CRAIG:
Did we switch it off?

DOCTOR:
Emergency shutdown, it's imploding, everybody out, out, out!

HOLOGRAM:
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.

CRAIG and SOPHIE run out of the ship followed by the DOCTOR.

INT. TARDIS

AMY:
Doctor!

INT. HOUSE FRONT HALL, DAY

The three run down the stairs and outside as the house begins to shake.

EXT. HOUSE, DAY

They run across the street and watch as the perception filter dissipates to reveal the ship. Mere seconds later, the ship disappears. People stroll by, not realizing what had happened.

CRAIG:
Look at them. Didn't they see that? The whole top floor just vanished.

DOCTOR:
Perception filter. There never was a top floor.

INT. PARLOR, DAY

The stain on the ceiling has disappeared. CRAIG and SOPHIE are kissing on the couch.

CRAIG:
So have we spoiled our friendship, then?

SOPHIE:
Totally ruined it.

CRAIG:
And what about the monkeys? We could save them together, you know. Do whatever we want. I could see the point of Paris if you were there with me.

SOPHIE:
First let's destroy our friendship completely.

They continue to make out on the couch. The DOCTOR enters, sees what they’re doing and quietly leaves his keys on the sideboard. He then goes to leave.

CRAIG:
Oi!

SOPHIE and CRAIG come over to him.

SOPHIE:
What, you're trying to sneak off?

DOCTOR:
Yes, well, you were sort of... busy.

CRAIG picks up the keys and hold them out to the DOCTOR.

CRAIG:
I want you to keep these. Thank you.

DOCTOR:
Thank you. (takes keys) Cos I might pop back soon, have another little stay.

CRAIG:
No, you won't. I've been in your head, remember? But I still want you to keep them.

DOCTOR:
Thank you, Craig.

CRAIG:
Thank you, Doctor.

DOCTOR:
Sophie. (puts a hand on their shoulders) Now then. 6,000,400,026 people in the world. That's the number to beat.

SOPHIE:
(laughs) Yeah.

The DOCTOR leaves with a smile. On the fridge, amidst photos of CRAIG and SOPHIE, brightly colored letter magnets spell out “The Doctor Rocks”. Panning down, there is a photo of the DOCTOR being held aloft on the team’s shoulders after the football match. Panning to the gap next to the fridge and then zooming in, we see the same crack as from AMY’S childhood bedroom.

INT. TARDIS

The DOCTOR sets the TARDIS in motion.

DOCTOR:
Back in time! You need to go to the paper shop, leave that note for me.

AMY:
Right little matchmaker, aren't you? Can't you find me a fella?

The DOCTOR puts on his stethoscope and listens to the console.

DOCTOR:
Oh, rectifier's playing up again...Hold on. (goes to a different section of the control room) You write the note and I'll change that will.

AMY:
You got a pen?

DOCTOR:
Make sure it's a red pen.

AMY searches the DOCTOR’S jacket pockets for a pen. She pulls out the jewelry box holding her engagement ring from RORY. She opens it and stares at the ring. As she does, there is a flash of the crack growing wider and flashing brilliantly.
 
 
 
Christine D.: eleven amy hug doctor whosnowflakie06 on November 2nd, 2010 11:43 pm (UTC)
Yay! I love this episode (though not as much as Vincent and the Doctor)! Thanks so much :D

And good luck with The Pandorica Opens - especially naming all the Doctor's enemies...
jpgr: DW 11 Target anijpgr on November 2nd, 2010 11:51 pm (UTC)
I'm working from fan-provided subtitles so it shouldn't be too bad *crosses fingers*

I might be able to start tomorrow as I have a chunk of the day to myself so...
Katetasty_kate on November 3rd, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
I love this episode so much!! I don't think it's appreciated as much as it should in the Who community. I giggled the whole way through the first time and watched it a second time immediately afterward to catch any lines I may have giggled over. haha Great transcript!
her heaven is never enough: doctor who - eleven dances_lyra_b on November 3rd, 2010 06:08 am (UTC)
Yea! One of the most endearing episodes ever. Thank you SO much for your transcripts!!!
Laureneowyn on January 13th, 2013 09:53 am (UTC)
I love your transcripts. Thanks for posting them all!
jpgr: DW 11 Amy Togetherjpgr on January 13th, 2013 10:46 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. I'm just starting on "The Snowmen" now